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to think this is OTT?

(16 Posts)
follyfoot Sun 28-Oct-12 09:52:52

DH has a hobby he took up around the time we met. He loves this hobby and is very good at it. For nine months of the year, it takes up at least 4 1/2 hrs on a Saturday and a Sunday. Children are away at Uni now, so I am free to do other stuff too (he would happily support me doing anything I wanted and probably help pay for it), but since changing jobs a while ago I now have two hours commuting each day, to be frank I dont have as much energy to do stuff as I used to. I'm happy pottering around at home at weekends.

The extent of this hobby has ebbed and flowed over the years. There was a brief spell where he was doing it half of Saturday and all day Sunday at which point I said I would spend weekends visiting friends and told him he was taking the piss. He cut down immediately to be fair to him. It has become a sore point again for me again as more recently, until about a year ago, we used to do something together on a Saturday afternoon, and he pursued his hobby just on a Sunday. We no longer do the Saturday thing - both our choices - so this has enabled him to spend more time on his own hobby.

Just to be clear, I'm not a clingy wife, am genuinely pleased that he has a passion like this and never mind him doing it one day at weekends, or evenings for that matter. I enjoy time to myself, but think that both weekend days being spend largely apart is taking the pee somewhat. AIBU? Should I take up a hobby too?

Marriage otherwise very happy.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Sun 28-Oct-12 10:03:36

Could you compromise and set a weekend/day a month that is yours, together, to do something as a couple even if it's only going out for lunch or dinner together?

Whoknowswhocares Sun 28-Oct-12 10:41:41

I'm a bit confused. You say you are happy pottering about and it was a joint choice to end doing whatever it was on sat afternoons

Are you wanting to do something particular or do you just think you 'ought' to be together more?

DeeMonic Sun 28-Oct-12 10:47:08

I too am a little confused, Folly - you say, "it has become a sore point again for me again as more recently, until about a year ago, we used to do something together on a Saturday afternoon" but then go on to say "We no longer do the Saturday thing - both our choices"

I get the feeling you would like to reinstate the Saturday 'thing' and commit to going out for a meal/walk etc., perhaps?

However, perhaps it is time for you to take up another interest? If you like pottering about then maybe something home-based like baking or gardening? Or perhaps join an evening class or take up a short course that will run on a Saturday?

follyfoot Sun 28-Oct-12 10:52:18

Sorry I wasnt very clear. My thoughts are that we could be doing a mix of things: jobs that need doing - getting the garden into shape and so on, and also pleasurable things like going out for long walks with the dog. As it is, he comes home mid afternoon on a Sunday, is knackered and will grumpily go for a walk if pushed. The whole weekend seems ruled by his hobby these days. We cant go anywhere for the day, do anything on the spur of the moment, it all seems boring really. Guess if I'm honest with myself, yes there is a bit of we 'ought' to spend more time together too.

Like the compromise idea hellhas, might try that as he might agree to 1 Sunday a month 'off'.

DeeMonic Sun 28-Oct-12 16:15:53

I'm beginning to wonder what his hobby is now... smile

LadyEvilBeagle Sun 28-Oct-12 16:18:54

What is his hobby?

YANBU my DH spends all his weekends out birdwatching and walking most months of the year <sigh> I sometimes go with him but I am a lazy mare and am quite happy pottering at home as I work all week. BUT sometimes I find myself wishing he was the sort to be happy pottering too. he isn't.. at all, he gets all restless if he doesn't get out so off he goes, good job I luff him and we get on great when he is around.

train spotter?

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 28-Oct-12 16:24:19

Is there any reason he couldn't go back to doing his hobby just one day at the weekend and spend the other day at home, with you, pottering about or going out if you feel like it? It sounds like you feel you need to 'have plans' for him to commit/want to stay at home, whereas you'd like him to just 'be at home/available to do stuff' without having to have specific plans to go out. I'd feel the same.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 28-Oct-12 16:25:02

Putting money on Golf.

LadyEvilBeagle Sun 28-Oct-12 16:31:44

I think he's one of these Historic Battle reinaction (sp) bods.

mutny Sun 28-Oct-12 16:51:52

I am confused why there is an issue. You spoke to him before he made changes. You spent Saturdays together. You both stopped that so he took the hobby again.
He has always had the hobby and when you have spoken to him he has reduced it to spend time with you. So speak to him again and this time stick to your time together.

DeeMonic Sun 28-Oct-12 19:58:08

Oh let it be reinactment! He might go to a viking sweat lodge and play sword fighting.

Cabrinha Sun 28-Oct-12 20:01:12

Also don't see the issue - why is it a sore point when it's been OK in the past AND he's responded to you when you've brought it up before? Get off MN and TALK to him!!

StripyShoes Sun 28-Oct-12 20:08:22

Golf. A round of 18 is four to four and a half hours more if they go for a pint afterward
Op I feel your pain DH is out from early Saturday morning until around 2.45 every single Saturday. Then swimming lessons for the kids and then I work Sundays. So although our kids re younger, I too mourn the lack of together time, even as a family. sad

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