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To think older mums are 'allowed' to be more gushy about their babies?

(36 Posts)
Proudnscary Sun 28-Oct-12 08:41:29

I had my dc at 30-ish. Lots of my friends and acquaintances have or are having dc at nearer 40.

It has really struck me that the latter group are 'allowed' to be more gushing about their births than the former group - more 'here is the love of my life' and 'I'm never leaving him/her again'.

One friend in particular was quite dismissive of my dc and any mention of them (and I am NOT a baby bore - quite the opposite). Now she is the one who makes sure all social arrangements and conversations revolve around her baby. It seems we were not allowed to 'use babies as an excuse' for not going out or changing our lives too much. With her it's the opposite.

Is it because people who had kids earlier were being sensitive to others who hadn't started families in case it was a difficult issue for them?

Has the world changed in 10 years and we are all more gushy?

Is it social media-related?

Do I just have one or two annoying friends?

Is that we are all at different life stage now at 40 ish?

I'm not knocking older mums (though obviously some posters will take it that way and say 'you sound charming' etc) - and I'm very very happy for my friends especially those who longed to have a family. I love their babies. It just bugs me that I feel I had to play down my dc.

GrimAndHumourless Sun 28-Oct-12 08:43:59

I think it's the annoying friends answer

HeinousHecate Sun 28-Oct-12 08:44:54

You have one or two annoying friends grin

some people are like that. regardless of age. Don't want to know about your baby but the sun has to rise and set around theirs.

I just bin people like that, cos life's too short to waste it with people who can't give of themselves.

ChickenFillet Sun 28-Oct-12 08:45:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsWolowitz Sun 28-Oct-12 08:45:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Sun 28-Oct-12 08:47:14

Yup I agree it's the annoying friends thing

Have they always been a bit me me me?

I was a young mum to my older dc and I gushed plenty <sounds very wrong>

HauntingMyWay Sun 28-Oct-12 08:48:00

I've had this but not older mums as such. Just mum's who had babies a few years after me.
Most simply admit that it is unfathomable before you have children to realise how much life changes.
Then it does and you are the gushing fool you promised you wouldn't be grin

LaLaGabby Sun 28-Oct-12 08:48:39

Your post kind of suggests you think YABU?

If you're older you are very likely to have spent more time hoping to have a baby / worrying that you'd never get to have one. Whether because of fertility problems, not being with the right person, not feeling secure enough, etc.

It's not unreasonable to take this into account and be sympathetic to how someone feels about their baby.

Also if you have say, a 10 year and an 8 year old you might well have become blse about them and forgotten how you felt when you had a teeny, teeny, helpless bundle of joy?

FlatFacedArmy Sun 28-Oct-12 08:50:26

I think it's also the annoying friends answer.

I'm 29 with a 3-week old. My friends have been gushing more about the pregnancy and the baby than I have. I mean, he's a lovely cuddly little thing, but really, at 3 weeks old he now has a bigger wardrobe than I do and a shelf full of teddy bears and my friends are pestering me to know when they can visit HIM.

I just want to be able to go for cocktails with my friends again, but that might be difficult since they're all volunteering to babysit instead...! grin

CwtchesAndCuddles Sun 28-Oct-12 08:58:41

Sorry I think it's just your friends!!!
I had my dc at 37 / 40 and I've not met one of these gushing older mothers in my peer group, if anything I have found older mums a bit more laid back about things.

VolumeOfACone Sun 28-Oct-12 09:08:11

I think it's just your friends. When I had my first DC at 30, somehow most of the women I knew having DC at the same time were late 30s or early 40s. I don't think anybody was more or less gushy due to age.

AThingInYourLife Sun 28-Oct-12 09:15:39

'here is the love of my life' and 'I'm never leaving him/her again'.

shock

OMG boak!

That is definitely just your annoying friend.

janey68 Sun 28-Oct-12 09:17:44

I don't think it's an age thing. I think there are just some mums who think the world revolves around their baby. If these people are irritating you by expecting all social arrangements to be made around their child, then I would carry on and socialise in the way I wanted. They can either stop being so precious or they can do their own thing

SeraphinaSparklePants Sun 28-Oct-12 09:17:55

I think it's your friends, too. I agree that you can't really know how it feels until you personally experience it firsthand, but some are just more gushy than others, irrespective of age. One of the more irritating mothers I know is in her mid twenties.

Proudnscary Sun 28-Oct-12 09:22:56

Ha ha at so many saying it's my annoying friends! I think you are probably spot on!

Though what spurred me to post was a friend who lives abroad (don't know her well really) posting about her amazing new baby and how she's embarking on the 'wildest love affair of her life'. And others on FB (I've finally given in and joined - its so annoying!!!) doing similar.

Proudnscary Sun 28-Oct-12 09:26:21

And yes the friend I mentioned in my OP is very me, me, me. She's very high maintenance but is also very funny, clever and just about worth it. I think.

OneHandFlapping Sun 28-Oct-12 09:28:04

I suspect it's more that you don't understand until you have your own children.

Or maybe that was just me - I couldn't see what all the fuss was about before my love affair with my own started.

Meglet Sun 28-Oct-12 09:33:04

Annoying friends.

I had DC's in my 30's and I've never gushed about them. I am a bit of an uptight control freak though.

SeraphinaSparklePants Sun 28-Oct-12 09:34:22

Ha ha that's one of the reasons I avoid FB. Vom-inducing! She's all caught up in new motherhood (fair enough, I remember the feeling) but statements like this should be kept private to ensure others don't boak.

ZenNudist Sun 28-Oct-12 09:45:42

Annoying 'friend'
Think it's strange to refer to a baby as a wild love affair. It likens maternal love to erotic (wild) or romantic (affair) love. Just strikes me that either she's a but thick, or has missed out in life if she thinks its a normal thing to say.

Helltotheno Sun 28-Oct-12 09:46:17

Massive generalisation OP so YABU. Some people are just bores...

CaseyShraeger Sun 28-Oct-12 09:49:15

Annoying friends. Plus you weren't on FB when you were younger to see your younger friends being just as gushing.

tilder Sun 28-Oct-12 09:53:09

I agree with onehandflapping.

Also do you know if your older friends had trouble TTC? If so can be very hard to be around those with small children.

Can be irritating though.

ISeeThreadPeople Sun 28-Oct-12 09:53:36

It's probably just your friends. I do have a friend who is an older Mum though and she didn't think it would ever happen for her. She was supposedly infertile, her dh approaching and then crashing through his mid fifties at speed, they'd given up. Her DTs are blooming brilliant and there really was an added dimension to the whole thing. Firstly because she was told that she'd never conceive, then she was told that her pregnancy would be very hard and likely that the baby (or babies as it turned out) would be at a higher risk of abnormalities (maternal age plus the drugs she was on which caused the 'infertility' in the first place), then the risks of a twin pregnancy, the certainty that she would deliver early and have small, poorly babies etc.

She had an elective cs at 38 weeks, two 7lbs+ babies in rude health and a family she never dreamt of. She is that bit more in awe of her journey to motherhood. But it's only partly an age thing.

I also have a friend who was told she'd never have children due to severe juvenile onset arthritis. Her babies are very, very much treasured. As all babies are of course, but I think perhaps an element of 'we never thought we would be this lucky' comes into play with both.

You have annoying friends

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