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AIBU to think this woman is totally bonkers and unfair on her children

(166 Posts)
issey6cats Sun 28-Oct-12 02:35:26

saw on msn main page a 61 year old woman in brazil has given birth to twins, not a surrogate but for herself, aibu to think that at this age she will be exhausted all the time, wont live to see these children past say thier thirties and is being unfair having children when most parents are looking forward to retiring and taking life a bit easier, not plunging into new motherhood, am not slating older mothers but i had my children between the ages of 18 and 24 and that was hard enough work

StuntGirl Sun 28-Oct-12 02:42:06

My mother didn't live to see my past my mid teens and she had me during your generous age brackets. YABU.

missymoomoomee Sun 28-Oct-12 03:10:06

You had a child at 18? Thats rather unfair, after all you are supposed to be out partying not plunging into new motherhood, its unfair having a child when most people that age are looking forward to holidays, and weekends, and starting a career.... Fair statement? No?

I assume you made the right choice for you and your family, as this lady did. None of us can be sure we will see our children grow up, and fwiw I know some 60+ year olds who are far fitter and healthier than some 20 year olds.

<disclaimer - I had my 1st child when I was 18, I don't mean the above about 18yo mothers, I'm just pointing out its no-one elses business when people choose to have children>

Salbertina Sun 28-Oct-12 03:17:45


Loveweekends10 Sun 28-Oct-12 03:35:40

Perhaps she has another six daughters all of which are willing to help her. A large extended family? Who knows?
Personally I feel 18 is too young to give birth and you can't offer your children the same educational opportunities etc that you can giving birth at 33.
There are babies being born to parents in the world who don't give a damn about them. I care more about that.

EdsRedeemingQualities Sun 28-Oct-12 06:21:27

Oh fgs. Everyone is different. My mother is 60 and fitter than I am.

You're talking nonsense - sorry. 'Most parents' might well not want kids at 60+ but she clearly does - so it's a pointless argument.

Just like most people under 20 probably don't feel ready for kids.

You're not being reasonable, no. Not unless you happen to know her very well, and know she'll make a useless parent.

Kingcyrolophosarus Sun 28-Oct-12 07:42:28

My mother is 66 and still enough energy to care very well for 3 children.
Yabu, everyone is different

Salbertina Sun 28-Oct-12 08:00:22

But Op is referring to 61 yr old having a baby, being primary carer for a toddler etc .. V different from an active 60-something looking after the grandkids on occasion.. Or helping her adult kids. Its "bonkers" to suggest otherwise.

WofflingOn Sun 28-Oct-12 08:31:50

Or a 65 year old teacher being responsible for 30 4 year olds in a reception class?
It depends on the individual, and I had several friends with children, who died before their children were 16. You are very young and speaking through your own prejudices.
You must have had people saying or thinking the same about you, that a young mother would be incompetent? How did you feel about their opinions?

honeytea Sun 28-Oct-12 08:35:21

I think having avant at 18 is more unreasonable than having one at 61. Having said that it really is non of my business when other people choose to have babies.

cantspel Sun 28-Oct-12 08:39:08

All the pc liberal lovies will tell you what a wonderful mum this woman can be and how awful and judgemental you are but women are not designed to have babies at 61. It is unnatural and selfish of this woman. Just because advances in science allow people to do these things it does not mean it is right.

noblegiraffe Sun 28-Oct-12 08:40:51

The last woman who gave birth to twins in her 60s died when they were a couple of years old. Awful, and exactly what people feared might happen.

Apparently with good reason. Being fit to look after a kids occasionally in your 60s, and this woman claimed she was fit and healthy, doesn't mean that things can't change rapidly, and giving birth to and raising twins is obviously mentally and physically stressful.

EdsRedeemingQualities Sun 28-Oct-12 08:45:36

Yes her likely life expectancy is probably lower than the average 30yo.

as I said though it depends.

My best friend had two children, aged 5 and 2 when she died aged 34. Who knew.

This woman could well live to be 90, her kids will be around 30 - it's not such a massive tragedy to lose your mother at that age, not like being 5.

No one knows the future, there are only averages. She could be a fantastic mother, she might be hopeless. None of us knows.

I just think you have to take it on an individual case basis rather than spouting prejudices.

panicnotanymore Sun 28-Oct-12 08:49:32

Another thread where some sanctimonious woman points her finger at another woman who did things differently, and criticises. FGS.

BadgersBottom Sun 28-Oct-12 08:51:40

I think the OP's rather smug assertion that 18 - 24 is the perfect bracket in which to have children is rather - errr - smug. YABU for that alone.

LaLaGabby Sun 28-Oct-12 08:56:51

I think anyone who has children before 25 is being extremely selfish and unreasonable and the whole family deserves to be made homeless as a punishment.

Luckily the Chancellor of the Exchequer is with me all the way on this one. sad

detectivebeaver Sun 28-Oct-12 08:59:59

I think you're totally right OP. For the posters talking about mothers dying in their 30s, this is sad but rare. On the balance of probability most women in their 30s or younger who have kids will be around to see their grandchildren or even great grandchildren. This woman is very unlikely to be around for long enough to give the support that only a mother can give and I think this is the point the OP is trying to make.

Principality Sun 28-Oct-12 09:01:41


What do you mean you can't give your children the same educational opportunities at 18?

Private education or something else?

Imo having babies at either extreme is probably not ideal. Although personally the idea of having babies in your 60s seems rather selfish- no matter how stable your life is, no money worries etc, your health (and that of your baby) is not something you can buy.

But my view is probably coloured by the fact that I had dc at 18 and 24. And loveweekends view irked me as both dc attend a fantastic prep school and have a have an exciting school career ahead of them.

EdsRedeemingQualities Sun 28-Oct-12 09:06:47

Detective Beaver - yes, you're right. It's rare. But it's also rare to want to have children when you're over 60.

And on that basis I think we would need more information to judge her capability and potential as a parent.

It could be that she will manage really well and make up for her age/likely life expectancy in so many ways.

Every mother is different. I keep saying this...some are rubbish at 18/20, some are great at 45, some are going to be great at 60.

I'm fairly rubbish at two families operate in the same way. I had my first at 29, and I certainly wish I'd been older and more mature - but I also wish I'd been a bit younger.

There are good and bad points about any age really.

VirginiaDare Sun 28-Oct-12 09:08:14

If she hadn't had them, they wouldn't exist. So is that "fairer on them"?

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sun 28-Oct-12 09:13:19

Personally I feel 18 is too young to give birth and you can't offer your children the same educational opportunities etc that you can giving birth at 33

You must have been the unfortunate child of an 18 year old, you clearly are so uneducated you have no idea quite how ignorant your post is.

Inneedofbrandy Sun 28-Oct-12 09:16:24

YANBU the twins will end up being her carers by the time there 15.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana Sun 28-Oct-12 09:20:03

YANBU, menopause happens for a reason. My mum died at 61, I hope for their sake she has the longest lifespan possible.

WearingGreen Sun 28-Oct-12 09:26:41

Its not something that I would chose to do but my dad was 56 when I was born and died when I was a teenager so I detest the argument that its better to not be born than to suffer the loss of a parent before you are in your 30s.

comixminx Sun 28-Oct-12 09:29:29

None of your business. In Brazil the mother will have an extended family and quite probably a lot more help at home in the way of cook / cleaner so she won't need to be running around as much as a less supported mum would. nb My mum is Brazilian and I know from her stories how much easier it would be to look after children there in terms of the extra support available! (Other aspects of the society not necessarily as good mind you.)

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