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to think this TA was rude?

(59 Posts)
confuddledDOTcom Sun 28-Oct-12 01:51:50

My 6yo daughter has a name that has a shortening that I personally don't like, it was one of the weighing factors to giving her this name but we decided if we stuck to calling her by her name until she was old enough to decide for herself what she would be called the others would and that has worked. My daughter also hates this shortening! Not because we've said anything to her, she just loves her full name (the whole thing, middle names and surname too). Her dad recently realised she hates it and will call it her if he's trying to play her up, which works, she'll start trying to beat him up.

At school there are two teachers who call it her and when they do she breathes in deeply through her nose whilst pushing her lips out. I've asked her why she doesn't say anything about it but she won't, it's not in her nature. I was talking to a senior member of staff recently and mentioned it, she said she'd noticed she hated it too and would make sure people know not to call it her.

About a week later she comes home from school and says "[TA] said she has to call me... because my name is so long and she has lots of children" her name is 6 letters long and "shortening" it makes it 5 letters and not much quicker to say. I'm not sure if this is in response to the senior teacher saying something or she's stood up for herself, but either way if someone doesn't like being called a name, isn't it rude to tell them their name is too long and they have other people's names to think about?

NatashaBee Sun 28-Oct-12 01:58:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thumper1806 Sun 28-Oct-12 01:59:12


It was very rude of her to do that. If your daughter has expressed a wish to be called by her given name, then the TA should respect that and do so.

I wonder how the TA would feel if people shortened her title? It's really not much wonder some children struggle with the concept of respect if this is the kind of "respect" they are shown by those in authority angry

EllenParsons Sun 28-Oct-12 01:40:02

Yanbu. It is really rude especially if the name is not that long to begin with.

SoleSource Sun 28-Oct-12 02:20:04


echt Sun 28-Oct-12 05:15:50

I am officially confused.

Elucidation, please.

NadiaWadia Sun 28-Oct-12 05:19:53

Why has the original post disappeared? (presumably)

No.. was the original post the one by confuddledotcom? Why does the first reply come top of he thread then? confused

MissMogwi Sun 28-Oct-12 05:25:10

Is it because of theclocks going back? I've just seen another thread that is the same.

Doodlekitty Sun 28-Oct-12 05:38:42

I went to school with a boy with a hyphenated first name. Lovely, quiet lad called John-Paul. We has never thought anything of it but when we went to secondary a teacher started calling him John. He plucked up the courage to politely say "sorry miss, but my name is John-Paul" and she replied "in this classroom everyone gets one name, stop being greedy John". It was awful.

So no, yanbu. The TA is out of order, I think I'd write her a note pointing out that your dd has a beautiful name, you would like her to use it.

WofflingOn Sun 28-Oct-12 06:43:07

Your name is part of your identity. People should always attempt to get it right and be open to correction if not. Especially in schools.
YANBU, it is rude and thoughtless of any staff and TAs who don't try and call your child by the right name.

redlac Sun 28-Oct-12 06:44:56

"I wonder how the TA would feel if people shortened her title?"

Hehe from Teaching Assistant to TA perhaps? smile

exoticfruits Sun 28-Oct-12 06:49:24

YANBU. I would go in and explain that your DC is too shy to tell them, but she really doesn't like it.

WofflingOn Sun 28-Oct-12 06:49:37

Or just Mrs Thingy? Mrs Wotsername?
Because as a TA you are really not as important as a teacher and don't deserve the courtesy of someone bothering to remember your name?

Thumbwitch Sun 28-Oct-12 06:57:42

Oo I'm glad someone explained the confusion re. OP and next reply! How bizarre.

confuddled - YANBU. The TA is being rude and actually quite arrogant - 6yos are just as entitled to be called the correct name as anyone else.

I have a friend whose DD is often called by a short form of her name - it's also the short form of another name, which has become very popular in recent times. At nursery, a few times the staff used the wrong long name to pull the child up when she was being a bit naughty, or not listening - she would say very sternly "My name is NOT XXX, it's YYY." They soon learnt!

I'm very pleased that, so far, everyone who deals with DS has asked me if he is called by his full name or the short form - how refreshing! And they stick to it as well.

scrablet Sun 28-Oct-12 07:39:49

There is an article in Rights of the child about being entitled to your own name. Any member of staff should call your DD by their given name, not a version they (the caller) prefers.

Triggles Sun 28-Oct-12 07:46:26

I had a teacher when I was 9/10 years old that insisted on calling me by a nickname of my name that I did not like. I tried to tell her a number of times, then finally gave up. I just stopped answering whenever she called me by the nickname - just didn't respond. Within 24 hours, she'd called my mum in for a "chat" about my behaviour.

When my mum met with the teacher, the teacher referred to me by her "nickname" she was using and told my mum I was ignoring her in class and being rude. My mum just calmly said "Perhaps you could try actually calling her by her right name then. I imagine that will solve the problem." hmm My mum still laughs about that. Teacher didn't really know what to say.

Problem solved. grin I don't know if I'd have had the bottle to do it when I was six though.

KatMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 28-Oct-12 10:33:52

Oo-err not sure what has happened to the original first post - we'll get Tech on it.

FlobbadobbaBOO Sun 28-Oct-12 10:50:51

My DS has the opposite problem. His proper name is the shortened version of a longer one (this isn't it but think Sam instead of Samuel). Since starting high school he has one teacher that insisted on calling him by the long version even though all his records are under the short name. Apparently he got into trouble for ignoring the teacher. He didn't know he was being spoken to. The teacher went to his form tutor about it so he could contact us, only to be put straight. I got quite an essay in his homework diary about it reassuring us and DS that he wasn't in any trouble!
YANBU, they should be called their proper names unless it's made expilictly clear that a shortened version is ok.

confuddledDOTcom Sun 28-Oct-12 11:22:14

I'm glad this isn't just me! She's in Y2 now and still has a reception teacher who calls it her when she sees her around so she's been putting up with it for 2 years now. I hadn't realised her reaction to it until recently when I dropped her in after a hospital appointment and met Y3 going swimming with her old teacher and then saw her do the same thing with the TA later.

Her name has 6 letters and 3 syllables, it's shortened to 4 or 5 (depending on spelling) and 2 syllables, so hardly saving her a massive amount of time or breath!

I've tried coming up with some answers for her that will tell people but she's an amazing diplomat who hasn't learnt that it doesn't mean she has to not speak up for herself. This nickname sounds like a question (that might tell you what it is) so I've taught her ways to answer the question which she loves and will get family members to do but she won't tell other people. She's also a stickler for rules, like she doesn't stand up for herself when people pull her hair in assembly or quiet time because you don't talk then, so I can't imagine her ignoring a teacher. I'd love to do that with her and would totally back her up on it. Reminds me of when my mum got called into the office because I was making fun of Brummies (I'd already been in the office, BTW) and after this lecture from the HOY she turned to her and said "So where is she from anyway?" Mum said "Um... here. She IS a Brummie!" I've just spent time with relatives in Surrey and Toronto growing up and my accent mellowed but sometimes, especially at school when I was around the accent all the time my natural accent would poke out.

redlac, I was thinking more about shortening the assistant bit wink not sure if it's what thumper was thinking too.

BattlingFanjos Sun 28-Oct-12 12:40:18

My son has a similar (idea?) Name. I have ALWAYS used the shorter version (eg just like Sam instead of Samuel as someone said above) it wasn't until he started nursery that he told me he didn't like "sam" but prefers "samuel". So now I use the longer version. I love that fact that he told me, shows he has a good idea of his identity and I would never dream of ignoring his request (even tho I much prefer as it seems less formal and more like my baby sad lol ) I also have no issues with school using it and was pleasantly surprised to find that they ask the children with these kind of names what they prefer! YANBU the TA, misswhachamacallit, is bloody rude and wouldn't like it if it was her!

midseasonsale Sun 28-Oct-12 13:02:56

Just let the school know what your DD likes to be called. Expect them to call her that.

ZombieArmsDragOnTheFloor Sun 28-Oct-12 13:06:40

why don't you go and speak to the TA?

Scarynuff Sun 28-Oct-12 14:14:14

Most schools ask for 'preferred name' on their paperwork these days, but it won't guarantee that all staff will use it.

To be fair, giving her a name that can be shortened to something you don't like was always going to be a bit of a gamble. This will probably happen again and again throughout her life, so perhaps it would be worth teaching your dd that it's ok when people aren't aware of her preference, she should try not to let it upset her.

In this instance, however, now all staff are aware, they should use her preferred name. I would speak to the TA myself and just say that, from now on, you would like your dd to be called 'x' all the time, as that is actually her name.

MWB22 Sun 28-Oct-12 14:58:32

Have you actually spoken to the class teacher and TA? Maybe the senior member of staff forgot to pass the message on, didn't relay how much it upsets her or maybe the TA just forgot when talking to your DD. I'd go straight to the person who was using the person concerned and politely explain.

This bit bothers me though; "Her dad recently realised she hates it and will call it her if he's trying to play her up, which works, she'll start trying to beat him up. " I hope this is messing around / fun?

confuddledDOTcom Sun 28-Oct-12 20:50:55

Oh yeah, we expected that people would do that, but not just start doing it when they don't have permission, if she was to choose a name or be OK with it it'd be totally different. I'd even put up with that name if it's what she chose for herself.

I think she must know that it's not her preferred name to come out with a comment like that, I can't see any other reason you would explain a shortening of someone's name. It sounded very much a "but I have to" comment from what she's said.

My girls are always beating Daddy up, generally consists of being jumped on (game called "up down on Daddy" or "all pile on Daddy" even better when their teen brothers are around and join in!) or pulled around/ pushed on the floor from the sofa. As we don't have any boys (the boys are his) he likes playing rough with them occasionally, but it's all fun, we have a tiny ex-IUGR 3yo and a 16 month old who like to join in and none of them are naturally fighters.

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