halloween and treats

[rodgette]

Hi
Just to put my mind at rest, does anybody else think I am an utterly awful parent (like I feel at the minute) because my twin daughters are so incredibly mardy despite myself demonstrating patience the length of the M25?

Long story short one of my six year old twins shouts in my face, screams at me and point blank tells me "No" when I tell her she has to go to bed for being rude/ go in time out to calm herself down. Physically I struggle to lift her and put her in bed as she is quite a heavy child for her age. I do not like smacking my children, I try not to shout, but I think she knows this and this is why she plays up...... The other twin has begun stamping, shouting and arguing back also, therefore I have banned from treats for a week after she punched and kicked the doors during a fit the other day, so she will miss Halloween, Am I being unreasonable?

Should I just man up? Otherwise my kids are lovely at school, in fact their teacher cannot believe I am describing the same children. Their Dad works long, long hours and I do get tired, yet I have a 17 year old who is good as gold and never gives me any bother. Even one twin behaves a lot better than the other so I see it more as a personality thing.... I am proud of them for having an edge I never stood up for myself but I'm tired of being a much nicer and better parent than my emotionally detached rubbish ones and getting no end of grief for it!
Sorry its so long, hope your not bored to sleep.
I don't mind if replies are honest, I'm asking for them :) I am a teaching assistant, I know kids are challenging, but I try so hard to be a good parent and the behaviour thing is wearing me down, I just want to enjoy being with them at the weekends and holidays, I just want them to enjoy it too, but it seems the more I do the worse they are (not money wise, with quality time I mean).
help please...............

[rodgette]

Sorry for using the term "fit" perhaps not appropriate, I do not wish to offend anyone, I would hate to, perhaps having a turn is a better phrase, sorry I'm a bit fed up of it that's all.

[Birdsgottafly]

My middle DD is and always has been very shouty.

She now tells me at 17 (and slightly younger) that she was this way as she wanted more attention.

My youngest has LD's and does take up a lot of my time.

We have talked this through. Interestingly she says that she would have wanted firmer bounderies, i did the opposite, but that reaffirmed (in her head) that i didn't care, she has always been a very mature thinker.

Is it attention seeking?

[rodgette]

I think so, I think you raise some very interesting points in your post, thank you for responding. Perhaps it is the difference between spending time with your children and actually being available to them. Perhaps we need to spend more time just me and her.
I think the boundaries thing is important too, my daughter is very much like her dad to her credit, very street wise and intelligent, she too demonstrates both a maturity beyond her years and a desire to be the "grown up" twin. She is the oldest by one minute and she adopts the role of being protective over the younger one that worries me.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me, I spend all the time I am not at work with the girls, but I have just finished my degree through the open uni and an NVQ level 3 so that I could return to work. I did both of these while they were in bed though, my weekends and holidays are for the children.
Perhaps we need to bake and craft and just play more. I love my children for the world and I enjoy looking after them, its just this constant horn locking gets me down.
You sound as if you have survived it, I just don't want to get it wrong for her sake, you try to give them the best start don't you? I have only studied so hard so that I could get a job at their school and a little car to run them around (we live 2 villages away from their school).
You have given me a lot to think about, thank you so much Birdsgottafly :)

[rodgette]

When I say I worry about her adopting the role of protector over her twin sister, I don't want her to feel she has to take on that responsibility for her, thats too big at her age if you know what I mean :)