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Am I being really precious about this (Christmas related)

(98 Posts)
azazello Fri 26-Oct-12 21:20:58

We are supposed to be spending Christmas with my parents this year and my siblings and their partners and children were also coming over for a couple of days. Mum has been getting very excited and planning meals, decorations etc and getting the children excited too.

I spoke to mum yesterday and she said that my sister and her partner had asked if they could invite a former colleague of BIL's over for Christmas as his family live a lOng way away and otherwise he would be on his own. The friend lives in Spain so would be coming for the week. Mum has said that's fine.

None of the rest of us have met thIs friend / colleague (inc parents) and I am feeling a bit upset that none of the rest if us were asked before a complete stranger was invited for the whole holiday. It also rather changes things because we and the children will all have to be dressed etc!

Am I being really selfish and precious (as u suspect) or would we be reasonable to follow DH's suggestion and head over to PILs who would be beyond thrilled.

INeverFinishAnythi Fri 26-Oct-12 21:25:40

Yes, yes you are BU. A stranger is a friend you haven't met yet. He's obviously not a total twat or your BIL wouldn't have invited him. Where us your Christmas spirit? Think you have lost sight of what Christmas is meant to be about. Shame on you if you'd rather see someone left at home alone.

Ithinkitsjustme Fri 26-Oct-12 21:26:07

I can understand why you feel the way you do, but I've got the opposite problem where I want to invite my Mil for Christmas Day to avoid her being on her own but MY family want it to be just US (in fairness it's the first time in 8 years that we have all been in the UK for Christmas in 8 years). I'm totally torn. In your shoes, I'd probably make the most of it and enjoy meeting soemone new.

MagicHouse Fri 26-Oct-12 21:26:24

Yes I think you are being a bit precious! I think your sister, her family and your mum sound really kind including your BIL's colleague so he won't be on his own. As your mum's so excited I think she'd be upset if you pulled out, and probably shocked about the reason why. And there's no reason you can't slob about in your pyjamas, most pyjamas and dressing gowns cover you up more than clothes do anyway.

CaliforniaLeaving Fri 26-Oct-12 21:26:30

Isn't that the spirit of Christmas? I wouldn't be upset about it, unless it was someone that none of us wanted to be around, he's be all alone, no family be charitable.
My Grandmother always had the odd waif and stray over Christmas from work and we all stayed over and had a wonderful time.

PoppyScarer Fri 26-Oct-12 21:26:38

I once read an article that recommended inviting a stranger to Christmas, because it ensures no bickering and everyone is on their best behaviour.

Agree it's not ideal, but could there be a silver lining to the cloud?

makinglemonade Fri 26-Oct-12 21:26:59

I think you are being a bit Unreasonable

I think it's very nice of your family to include this person so he isn't alone.

So you will have to get dressed - is that really that difficult?

I think you'd be cutting off your nose and look like your 'flouncing' if you change and go to PILs

You will still have s great family Christmas and will have made a stranger feel welcome at what can be a lonely time

Trills Fri 26-Oct-12 21:27:12

YAB very precious, yes.

It is up to the hosts to decide who they would like to invite

SixFeetUnder Fri 26-Oct-12 21:27:22

YABU, it sounds as though that would be punishing your mum for extending the hand of kindness to someone who would be otherwise on their own over the holiday period. You've already said how excited she is about it and who knows, maybe the guest will be a good laugh and add something to your celebrations. Take dressing gowns and there should be no problem re being fully dressed.

Or you could err on the side of caution and always go to the inlaws if you find you don't get on with him. But try to keep an open mind, it is the season of goodwill.

DorsetKnob Fri 26-Oct-12 21:27:28

Yes you are.

marriedinwhite Fri 26-Oct-12 21:28:50

You will be a guest at your mother's home. Your mother has invited another guest to spend an occasion with the family. It is not customary to ask guests if they are happy about the presence of another guest. I think you are being unreasonable and exceptionally ungracious because it is not your party, not your house, not your call.

mcrvamp Fri 26-Oct-12 21:28:53

Yes you are being selfish! Very selfish, christmas is a time for sharing and caring do you really want this put poor man to be on his own!

And do your DC run around in the nude on Christmas day?

diddl Fri 26-Oct-12 21:29:20

Well it´s up to your parents who they invite, isn´t it?

Have you already told your parents that you will go?

If not, then go to your ILs if you want to!

JustFabulous Fri 26-Oct-12 21:30:42

"I can understand why you feel the way you do, but I've got the opposite problem where I want to invite my Mil for Christmas Day to avoid her being on her own but MY family want it to be just US."

Ithinkitsjustme," - but your MIL *is your family is she not?

OP, YABP and a little unkind.

Not ideal? How ridiculous.

marriedinwhite Fri 26-Oct-12 21:30:49

And OP - when I have guests I expect them to have the courtesy to get dressed before they come downstairs shock

iliketea Fri 26-Oct-12 21:31:24

I understand how you feel (sort of). But YABU.

Consider in 10 / 15 years - one of your DC has opportunity to work abrod, but will find it too expensive to work abroad. Would you rather they spent Christmas alone or was invited to spend the period with a friends family? It's only a few days, and IME Christmas when you are far from family can be a lonely time, especially when you are surrounded by friends who all have family to go to.

JustFabulous Fri 26-Oct-12 21:31:51

Your BIL will be so embarassed if you don't go and his friend will feel terrible as the reason you weren't there is because he is.

azazello Fri 26-Oct-12 21:31:51

Ok. Serves me right me asking In AIBU. I don't think this guy will be a friend - for starters only BIL and my sister will be able to speak to him as noone else speaks social Spanish.

Of course my children run around naked. DS is 3. Its like trying to dress a cat...

iusedtobefun2 Fri 26-Oct-12 21:31:52

It would be a lovely thing to do, welcome someone who would be alone at Christmas into your family celebrations. Completely in the spirtit IMHO.

PoshCat Fri 26-Oct-12 21:32:20

Will he be up first thing in the morning for the present opening? TBH I'd feel a bit weird about a total stranger seeing me in my scraggy jammas and bed hair but I do think it'd be mean and unkind to kick off about BIL's friend being included.

Chubfuddler Fri 26-Oct-12 21:32:25

YABU. Very. You must know this.

1) you have no right to attempt to dictate who else is invited to someone else's home. Not even your own mothers.

2) Christmas - not invented for recreating Hollywood movie sets. Christ spent the night of his birth in a stable because thrr was no room for him, but the angels came to sing to him and kings journeyed to pay homage. I mean really, does this not resonate with you one tiny bit?

3) is this a reverse thread? I hope so.

iliketea Fri 26-Oct-12 21:32:30

sorry - but too expensive to come home for christmas that should read in there.

MerylStrop Fri 26-Oct-12 21:32:41

That is really not in the Christmas spirit. AT ALL.

Your mum's feelings would be massively hurt for one.

We've always had waifs and strays for Xmas, the newly divorced neighbour down the road, the former colleague whose wife was a nurse and working Xmas day, on one occasion two Roumanian students who my dodgy mate had chatted up in a bar a few days before. It's made it fun and memorable. The more the merrier.

I also don't see why you need to be dressed - get yourself some new Xmas Pjs as per MN tradition.

apostropheuse Fri 26-Oct-12 21:35:31


Your family have made a lovely gesture in the Christmas spirit, which should be applauded.

It's probably a good thing to get dressed over Christmas anyway. It's never nice to see one's bits hanging out at the dinner table.


squoosh Fri 26-Oct-12 21:36:25

They are doing a nice thing. Who knows, you mean even, I don't know, like him.

'No room in this inn'.

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