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AIBU to not let MIL see DS on her own?

(18 Posts)
hoobledoo Fri 26-Oct-12 13:49:50

Me and MIL have never been close and we have very different views on acceptable behaviour. However since I had my DS 4 months ago she seems to be crossing the line a lot. Recently me DH and DS went to MILS, she has 2 fully grown german shepherds that I don't want around DS firstly because they are far too big and secondly they have shown aggression in the past, when I told her that I don't want the dogs around him she questioned me repeatedly on this and tried to cause an argument which pissed me off however I stood my ground and the dogs didn't go near him. Later in the evening her ex showed up and she ended up punching him several times and the police were called because me and DH were present we had to give statements including full name and address they also took DS name which I wasn't happy about
A few days later my HV informed me that social services had contacted her to see how me and DH were with our parenting as DS had been present ina domestic violence situation. When I told MIL that this had happened she didn't even apologise!!! I don't trust her what so ever and don't want her around DS at all but I'm willing for her to see him when me or DH are present but not at her home. AIBU??

WorraLiberty Fri 26-Oct-12 13:51:31

YANBU at all

MerylStrop Fri 26-Oct-12 13:52:03

YANBU on the basis of the dogs alone

windsurf74 Fri 26-Oct-12 13:52:29


missymoomoomee Fri 26-Oct-12 13:53:27

I woudl be LIVID if I were you. YANBU at all.

conorsrockers Fri 26-Oct-12 13:53:37

Dear God, of course YANBU. Stand your ground - I can't imagine your DH not supporting you, that is dreadful behaviour sad

KenLeeeeeee Fri 26-Oct-12 13:55:29

YANBU! Awful behaviour from her sad

BarbarianMum Fri 26-Oct-12 13:59:49

Why do you want her to see him at all? Seriously.

Sparklyboots Fri 26-Oct-12 14:02:13

YANBU and the SS/DV situation means that you have a cast iron reason not to, even if everyone else around you wants to somehow dismiss the rest of the situation. Which they would only do if they were idiots. Stand your ground and good luck!

SugariceAndScary Fri 26-Oct-12 14:05:22

She sounds awful, I wouldn't let ds out of your sight at all.

DontmindifIdo Fri 26-Oct-12 14:07:17

YANBU - make it clear she can come over to your house to see your DS, but you won't leave DS there alone with her at all ever.

you'll have to agree with your DH, perhaps have a "we'll invite her over for Sunday lunch first sunday every month and then you'll invite her over for a coffee/see DS twice a month" so she's had a few opportunities to see DS, if she doesn't take you up on them then you've tried.

NatashaBee Fri 26-Oct-12 14:07:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTomHardy Fri 26-Oct-12 14:07:30

YANBU....stand your ground

ChasedByBees Fri 26-Oct-12 14:08:14

Absolutely no way are you being unreasonable. I think SS would take a dim view of unsupervised contact too.

zzzzz Fri 26-Oct-12 14:12:58

YANBU. She lent sound like a good person to have in ds life in nothing other than a very superficial way. I would be Moines far far away.

Suzieismyname Fri 26-Oct-12 14:13:13


I'll eat my hat if anyone says otherwise!

Wow, poor you!

YANBU but what's your DHs viewpoint on it as she's his DM?

Thats the problem you see- I'd rather my BIL wasn't around my DCs when he falls off the wagon (and boy does he fall off it). We don't allow him to be alone with them, they don;t go to his flat, but he still comes to our home when he's pissed and we're both there, and I cant outright ban him as its my DPs Brother.

Luckily, my DP now agrees and gets rid of him asap, but it used to be a contentious issue. Especially as he is lovely when sober.

SS should be fine to get rid of, just explain that you left as soon as you could but were delayed due to the Police. Is your HV nice?

hoobledoo Fri 26-Oct-12 16:47:12

I'm glad to know that I'm not been ott!!! DH supports me as much as possible but it can be difficult with it been his DM, he is losing patience and I feel that it won't be much longer before he cuts her off and that would be great for me but I need to leave that to him. He understands that DS safety comes first and understands why I'm so strict with her. My HV is so lovely and told SS that were great parents, she's also aware of how MIL is so she has hopefully taken away any concern for SS. I hope you get things sorted with your BIL, it's not a nice situation to be in, sounds like your DP is lovely and very supportive.

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