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To ask how bad wd it be to not go to dd,s first nativity play

(52 Posts)
stella1w Thu 25-Oct-12 23:20:50

It clashes with the release of a major report/presentation which is a huge deal for our firm, my dept, and my boss.
My job insecure.
I will ask for the time off but the last time i asked for leave because a close friend had died, he agreed but reluctantly.
Want to work out if any consensus on first nativity play trumps work event or not
So wondering

Kalisi Thu 25-Oct-12 23:24:42

YANBU to be torn about this. It's a tough one but I would go to the nativity myself.

Parrish Thu 25-Oct-12 23:25:02

Your school/nursery is very organised!
Ours has only had the Halloween party!
I would miss it and get the video in these circumstances.

Everlong Thu 25-Oct-12 23:28:25

If you can go brilliant ( for you and dc ) but obviously your job is important too.

If you can't go, have you a partner, mum, dad that could go?

TeaMakesItToTheTop Thu 25-Oct-12 23:31:25

That's a tough one. I'd ask but if there was reluctance I would miss it in the circumstances.

Perhaps arrange for Gran, or equivalent, to go with a camera and video camera so DD feels someone extra special there (I've done this for nativity and sports days some years) and she knows that you are interested.

Look at photos and videos very enthusiastically.

oxeye Thu 25-Oct-12 23:33:01

I had to miss DS for work - I was allowed to go to a dress rehearsal instead - could you do that?

stella1w Thu 25-Oct-12 23:33:33

No dp. Possibly dm. Work fulltime, never do drop off or pickup so feel play is the least i can do in dd,s eyes. It is classic example of how a working mum can,t win. What are the odds of a clash?

stella1w Thu 25-Oct-12 23:34:57

Dress rehearsal great idea. I am sure videos will be banned.

EndoplasmicReticulum Thu 25-Oct-12 23:35:52

I can't always get to school events, but between me, husband and grandparents we manage to make sure that someone is there. My boys prefer Granny to go it seems! Anyway, I'd ask for leave because you never know, boss may agree.

apostropheuse Thu 25-Oct-12 23:37:59

This really is tough and I've never had to choose. I am also probably biased because I love school nativities and I cry every time. I'm also a Christian so perhaps more affected emotionally - or maybe I'm just a numpty really.

However, given the circumstances, particularly since your job's insecure, perhaps you could get someone else to go along.

You could maybe take your DD out for a special treat, just you and her, to kind of make up for it.

I would hate to be in your shoes!

defineme Thu 25-Oct-12 23:38:50

dm with vidoing it would be fine-you can watch it with her when you get home. Ours has it in the evenings as well as daytime performance. You could raise that with whoever organizes it for future years.

Inneedofbrandy Thu 25-Oct-12 23:39:05

Bla I wouldn't go, all the younger kids do is sing with a star hat on with everyone else. Not like they're actually on stage saying things... I haven't been to none of mine dd is in yr2 now, and feel things like sportsday, school picnics and award assemblys are more important.

Cromwell44 Thu 25-Oct-12 23:40:01

Only you know how important the work event is. If you know that it's crucial to your job then you probably should be there. Get granny or granddad to go to the nativity and try not to feel guilty.

WorraLiberty Thu 25-Oct-12 23:41:23

Aww what an awful situation for you sad

I think under your circumstances I wouldn't go to the Nativity but I would try my hardest to get someone else familiar to your DD to go...even if it's a friend of yours or perhaps ask the parent of one of her school friends if she'll cheer your DD on?

Hopefully videos/photos will be allowed.

Not all schools have banned them...my DS's school still allows this.

Boomerwang Thu 25-Oct-12 23:41:29

What will bother you the most this time next year?

My daughter would be more important to me. Personally.

apostropheuse Thu 25-Oct-12 23:44:25

The thing is, though, the OP's daughter is so important to her that she needs to keep her job, which is very insecure at the moment.

She just wants to support her family.

This makes me angry - the school could surely put on an evening performance too!

WorraLiberty Thu 25-Oct-12 23:48:08

Evening performances don't seem to be very popular with parents sadly.

Many of them moan about having to take their child back to school again for the second show and having to pick them up, get them home again whilst sorting dinner and other DCs. Then there's the hours the staff have to put in.

I must say the OP's school is incredibly organised to announce the dates in October. Parents have been nagging my DS's school to do this for years so they can give employers enough notice.

parachutesarefab Thu 25-Oct-12 23:48:55

Another vote for asking to go to the dress rehearsal (or an earlier rehearsal).

apostropheuse Thu 25-Oct-12 23:53:48

You're probably right worraliberty. I suppose because I lived five minutes from the school it's easy for me to say that - and my children all went to the school so it wasn't an issue for me.

It's just that there are so many working parents nowadays that it's a shame when they can't get time off to go to these things in the daytime.

It is actually quite surprising to have the date so early - maybe they do it at the start of each term though.

beginnings Thu 25-Oct-12 23:54:36

How far is your office from your DD's school? Can you nip out, watch it, give her a cuddle and run back to the office? I really feel for you.

Mumsyblouse Thu 25-Oct-12 23:54:42

I missed my dd2's first nativity, I was working, it's just the way it is, and plenty of people can't go in for every event, and not every parent is there, even for the nativity (plenty of dads missing and not feeling angsty about it).

I usually try to either go myself, get my husband to go, or another relative (granny) to these events, but I also don't take on the entire responsibility for attending myself, it's a whole family thing and women are sometimes too quick to blame themselves and apply guilt if they simply can't attend for work reasons whereas dads are considered absolutely amazing if they do attend, double standards at work for sure.

I also agree with you that asking for time off, when you have children, can be difficult if your position is insecure, you need to keep those times off for real emergencies (such as your poor friend, or sickness bugs, or other emergencies). In an ideal world, you would be able to work flexibly and your boss would be understanding, but in the real world, you need your job and you have to do what you think best to keep the money coming in, especially in the middle of a recession.

WorraLiberty Fri 26-Oct-12 00:03:56

I'll see your 'five minutes' from the school and raise you a 3 minutes from my DS's school grin

We're so bloody luck it's just round the corner and even the local senior school is only a 5 min walk in the other direction.

You're right though. There are so many working parents that evening performances would be great - though it tends to bring a whole other set of problems for the families taking part.

WorraLiberty Fri 26-Oct-12 00:06:57

Mumsy to be fair the OP is a single parent so therefore sending her DH doesn't come into it.

My BIL is a single parent and he felt like shit too when he couldn't make his DD's Nativity play.

However, Auntie Worra turned up in his place and blubbed into a tissue on his behalf grin

apostropheuse Fri 26-Oct-12 00:08:10

Ah well I'll see your three minutes from the school and raise you a two minute walk to the gate at the "back stairs" entrance, but as the stairs are numerous and on a steep hill and I was normally pushing a buggy...then I went the "long" way of five minutes on the path and up a slope!

Now I'm hyperventilating reading that back! grin

steppemum Fri 26-Oct-12 00:09:02

In our school it is only reception that do nativity play, so if I missed it, then I would miss her only nativity. You might want t find out if that is case with you too.
IMHO the most important thing is that someone is there that they can wave at. At a pinch it can be a friend's mummy who is specially watching you too and will tell mummy all about it

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