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...to be planning my pregnancy?

(21 Posts)
Limnoria Thu 25-Oct-12 20:32:23

My partner and I have been together for three years, during which time we've travelled, bought and renovated a house,been 'long-distance,' been through bereavement (one of my parents, to cancer over 9 months, and then my remaining grandparents), I've started working full time in an office and he's started a full time degree.
As you can see, we've handled some pretty stressful times, and we'll probably get married officially some time in the future. I'm nearly 27, and would like to have my first child soon. We've discussed the possibility of starting ttc around Christmas (for a September baby, hopefully), as he has a job lined up for when he graduates next summer.
My question is: How unreasonable is it to plan to be pregnant throughout his final year, and for him to be a new dad in his first few months of a 'proper' career?
Before I had a mirena, I had crazy pmt, two days of tantrums, sobbing, depression, suicidal thoughts, then back to my usual sweetness and light, so I suspect I might be overly sensitive to hormonal changes (if this is actually a thing). I don't want to mess up his studies by being a hormonal fruit loop, and I don't want him to be too tired when he's trying to impress at a new job.
PS - This is x-posted in AIBU and Conception, to harness the whole range of opinions.

cocoachannel Thu 25-Oct-12 20:34:49

The experience of so many on here will tell you that planning pregnancy is far from an exact science for many, many reasons. When you're ready start trying but please don't overthink timing just in case things don't exactly go to plan. Good luck!

cocoachannel Thu 25-Oct-12 20:35:49

Oh and some of us managed whole pregnancies without being 'hormonal fruit loops'!!

GhostofMammaTJ Thu 25-Oct-12 20:36:57

Of course it is up to you, but I would wait just a little bit longer. I would normally think it is none of my business though, but you did ask!!

I had my first at 27, but we had been together for a while. My last was at 39, so you do have time.

I do understand the urge though.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

McHappyPants2012 Thu 25-Oct-12 20:37:05

I would go for it, the is never a right time when it comes to TTC

Lulabellarama Thu 25-Oct-12 20:37:15

Fwiw I am a shithead with PMT but totally normal in pregnancy (emotion-wise)
If you both want a baby, do it. There is no perfect time.

Bogeyface Thu 25-Oct-12 20:39:26

Your September baby is based on conceiving straight away which is unlikely! Anything up to a year is normal, so unless you decide that September would be anightmare, I would start as you plan to and see what happens!

MissWinklyParadiso Thu 25-Oct-12 20:40:34

I'm a right horrible bitch with PMT. Been TTC for forever a long time. Wish I'd started much sooner; DH, who lives with my PMT each month, probably disagrees.

Anyway you might get pregnant the first month and sail through it, you might struggle for years and regret any delay - you can't know. All I can say is if you feel its time to start your family then go for it.

MyGoldenNotebook Thu 25-Oct-12 20:46:55

Hmmm .... it's too hard a question as there are so many pros and cons! On the one hand beginning earlier is better fertility wise and on the other hand once they're here you can't give them back so you'd best be ready! Go with your heart :-) (FWIW I wasn't ready at all - accident at 24 before I'd finished training for my current career ... and it all worked out fine. It usually does.)

Fakebook Thu 25-Oct-12 20:46:56

Yanbu for wanting a baby. Just try to keep open minded about things. You may not concieve the first month, you may not carry a pregnancy successfully in the first 12 weeks. I think there's never a good time to have a baby. Whenever it happens, it will be the best time for you.

I'm like the poster above. I'm worse with pmt. I get emotional, cry and scream before my period. During pregnancy I'm laid back and mellow. I also grow less hair in pregnancy.

I think you'll cope whatever your situation. Good luck.

ilikesweetpeas Thu 25-Oct-12 20:50:00

Be aware that planning a pregnancy is not an exact science. Many years ago I started TTC an autumn baby, had no idea I would not be able to get pregnant and ended up with multiple IVF before conceiving. You may be lucky and get preg 1st month but my experience, and those of many others, show that you cant always plan these things...

ErikNorseman Thu 25-Oct-12 21:10:11

I would wait a few months just to let him settle in to a job before the baby is born.

honeytea Thu 25-Oct-12 21:17:33

I would say go for it smile

It took me nearly 2 years to get pregnant, I am so glad we started when we did as if we had waited till everything was perfect we still wouldn't be ttc.

I am a crazy person with PMT, really unstable and unreasonable but now I'm pregnant I'm lovely (even if I do say so myself) issues just flow over me, I am a much nicer girlfriend. My DP "jokes" that he is worried about when I'm not pregnant anymore and he has to deal with my monthly mood swings.. I think we will just have to have 10 kids ;)

nannyl Thu 25-Oct-12 21:21:49

i planned to get pg in december 2010

i did everything you can imagine from Augast 2010, charted / OPKd, CBFM's and got pg exactly as planned first try. smile

so many people told me that no way would it work like that..... but it did, and i know plently of people who have got pg when they planned to too

i wish someone had told me about HG though... i was signed off at 6 weeks pg and never went back

Limnoria Thu 25-Oct-12 22:08:11

Thank you for your replies, it is useful to get a bit of advice, and whilst my mum would be supportive if I were pregnant, I don't want to tell her we're planning to, in case we don't, so it's really helpful to hear from other mothers. I imagine you all have more, um, recent experience too. One reason I'd like to begin trying now is that I felt I would have liked more time with my dad, and don't want my children and grandchildren to miss out because I waited for the perfect time.
@Cocoa I don't want to overthink it, but as I have a coil, I need to plan a little bit in advance! And my partner is 5 years older, and thus getting vry broody. It's all his fault really. Did you not even have one slightly less than rational moment? My auntie drove into a tank, because she was so busy 'watching the military parade she forgot to put her handbrake on...

@Ghost - Why would you wait? what should I be waiting for? Sorry, I can't work out how to type that less aggressively, but it's a genuine question. My mum had me quite late, so that feels 'normal' but many of my uni friends, ok, mainly my religious uni friends are putting baby scans on facebook, so it's not that unusual?

@machappypants, sweetpeas, bogeyface Thanks, it's good to have some reminders that it's not as easy as clicking your fingers and whoosh, a baby. Though I played The Sims enough when I was younger to be forgiven for thinking so...

@Lulabell, Winkly, Fakebook, Honeytea That's a relief to hear. A friend of mine has a family history of post-natal psychosis when the first girl is born, because of all the oestrogen*, and she has really bad pmt, so I worried I'd be the same. And there is not enough chocolate in the world to last me 9 months... Although perhaps we should suggest to Iain Duncan Smith that capping child benefit after two children would lead to more divorces and possibly gruesome murders?

*this may be just an old wives tale she's been told by her family and passed on

@Nannyl thank you for the encouragement. I suspect I'd get pregnnt really easily, based on my mum and aunts, who were all adamant throughout my teens that the first time they had sex without protection they got pregnant. Even the one who was diagnosed as infertile (and later drove into a tank).

So yes, in summary, thank you! I guess I should book an appt at the WHC.

EuroShagmore Thu 25-Oct-12 22:16:32

I also wanted a September baby. September 2011. I'm still waiting.

TTC has made me a bit of a fruitloop at times. I am not sure what pregnancy (if it ever happens) might do to me.

housesalehelp Thu 25-Oct-12 22:24:05

Personally I would give it another year - I think its lovely to have some time with 2 incomes -although it sounds like you own a house which many people your age won't -also my friends that were under 30 when they had kids have said they didn't realise the impact on your life of kids - also if getting married is an option - personally I think its nice to be married before you have kids and organising a wedding is easier if you don't have them as well - and the extra cash comes in handy too

and it is very tiring to be a new parent - and in my experince can impact on work performance so not a good idea if can be avoided in first few months of a new job

also what about your career - what are your plans re work once you have children?

Knowsabitabouteducation Thu 25-Oct-12 22:25:21

Planned pregnancies are good.

foreverondiet Thu 25-Oct-12 22:39:20

Personally given you age, I think it would be a MUCH better idea to wait until he was settled into his job before TTC.

Here are reasons:

- Good to have a few months with 2 incomes to save for the maternity leave.
- Plus new jobs can be stressful - not ideal with new baby around - especially if trying to impress at the start - and often a lot of going out networking/drinking with new colleagues etc.
- Why not get married first?

Also don't get focused on a September baby - can take several months. Or straight away - who knows!?

noblegiraffe Thu 25-Oct-12 23:02:28

I would suggest that as you're (relatively) young and have been through some stressful times recently and that as the final year of course and new job will also be quite stressful that you don't add to it with a potential pregnancy and new baby. TTC can also get stressful.

I would suggest you have a little bit of time to enjoy each other before babies and leave it maybe a year before TTC.

HarderToKidnap Thu 25-Oct-12 23:17:06

I'd check his entitlement to paternity leave, you have to work a certain length of time to get it, so you wouldn't want a baby due very soon after he started work. With my sensible head on, I'd also advise waiting til he starts work to TTC, that way you have at least nine months of two incomes to save for your maternity leave, giving you rhe flexibility to have the full year off and have a coffee and cake out every day! But I do understand rhe urge, once DH had agreed to TTC, wild horses couldn't have stopped me!

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