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You are depriving a village of it's idiot...

(95 Posts)
OhlimpPricks Thu 25-Oct-12 14:21:52

And others. There was a thread a couple of years back where everybody gave their best one-liners, and scathing put downs. Can't find it, but maybe it's time for a new one grin

I have a lovely relationship with my boss, and we banter back and forth, the more evil and rude the better.

Help - I'm running out of retorts. The ruder the better!

Your lift doesn't go all the way to the top floor, does it?


A few forks short of a canteen of cutlery.

gymboywalton Thu 25-Oct-12 14:26:24

i would challenge you to a battle of wits but i can't fight with an unarmed opponent

scentednappyhag Thu 25-Oct-12 14:28:06

My favourite is, when being chatted up by a wankgoblin, 'Sorry, one cunt in my knickers is enough thanks.' grin

SoleSource Thu 25-Oct-12 14:28:55

Lmao scente omg!

HairyGrotter Thu 25-Oct-12 14:29:54

The amount of alcohol it would take for me to sleep with you, would actually kill me

If your boss is male and tries to grow a beard/moustache

"When puberty kicks in that thing will really take off"

(said in work to a colleague, 25 people in the dept heard it and still tease him about it)

HairyGrotter Thu 25-Oct-12 14:30:22

Not appropriate for your boss, unless you're fucking each other...apologies ha

chirpchirp Thu 25-Oct-12 14:31:30

I'm a big fan of the updated version of "not". So "ooh those super skinny jeans make you look so manly, said no-one.......ever." "that denim bomber jacket is so stylish, said no-one.....ever."

SoleSource Thu 25-Oct-12 14:31:33

I can't think of one. I am hardly ever chatted up, too fugly grin

StillIRise Thu 25-Oct-12 14:32:50

I'd call you a cunt but you lack the warmth and depth.

HowlingOScara Thu 25-Oct-12 14:33:29

You are proof that the gene pool has a shallow end.

I'd say you were a cunt but you lack warmth and depth.

HowlingOScara Thu 25-Oct-12 14:34:26

Oppos...great minds, StillIRise

scentednappyhag Thu 25-Oct-12 14:35:00

solesource, I only get chatted up at the end of the night once they've been knocked back already by the pretty girls grin

You're a boot-faced idiot with the morals of a politician.

RatherBeACyborg Thu 25-Oct-12 14:35:30

Ooh I got to use one the other week that I saw on here.

Pissed arsehole slurring 'wsbefjisbhif'
Me 'Sorry, I don't speak twat'

grin My friends were very impressed. [preen]

SoleSource Thu 25-Oct-12 14:36:58

Lmao rather

SoleSource Thu 25-Oct-12 14:37:52

Lol scente at least thats something! grin

OhlimpPricks Thu 25-Oct-12 14:44:44

StillIrise - love it! ILl definitely be using that one.
No, there no sex involved. He's gay, and soooo good at being a bitch. I want to have the upper hand for 5 minutes!

boaty Thu 25-Oct-12 15:07:43

Big headed colleague " I have been asked to mentor New chap...teach him all I know"
Me: "See you both in ten minutes then!"

ringodingo Thu 25-Oct-12 15:18:16

If I wanted to listen to an arsehole, I,d fart!!

freddiefrog Thu 25-Oct-12 15:20:46

You're so ugly your face looks like your neck's been sick

GrimmaTheNome Thu 25-Oct-12 15:28:58

I've never had cause to use it, but apparently the thing to say to a flasher is 'oh....its like a willy....only smaller'.

LulaPalooza Thu 25-Oct-12 15:33:21

Pick up the your phone and pass him the receiver saying
"It's the 1980s... they want their fashion back"

LulaPalooza Thu 25-Oct-12 15:33:38

PS love this thread

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