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So, who is BU? (WARNING: contains Facebook!)

(23 Posts)
NoWayNoHow Thu 25-Oct-12 09:48:49

A male (married) friend of mine has posted a comment on a photo of me about my breasts looking good.

DH thinks it's inappropriate and impolite as he would never dream of saying something like that about a mate's wife. When I first saw the comment, I felt embarrassed and my gut reaction was also to feel that it wasn't appropriate.

A mutual friend (of mine and the guy who made the comment) thinks he was just being silly and that it was just a joke, that it was a compliment, and that DH is probably annoyed that he didn't think of the comment himself.

Who is BU? Should I say/do anything?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 25-Oct-12 09:52:07

Hard to tell who is BU without knowing the comment.

On the whole, it is wrong to comment on other people's bodies, but it could have been a harmless little joke that wasn't intended to make you uncomfortable, in which case it's probably best to just let it go.

Housewifefromheaven Thu 25-Oct-12 09:52:25


I can't believe you think your husband may be being unreasonable for being upset.

Get a grip and get off facebook

TennisFan42 Thu 25-Oct-12 09:52:40

I think it's a bit odd that he put a comment on FB about your breasts and if it was me I'd feel uncomfortable about it. Not sure I would say anything but I would delete the comment.

AlmostAHipster Thu 25-Oct-12 09:54:30

Your DH is absolutely right. This 'friend' has no right to comment on your physical appearance, in RL or on FB - he is a sexist twat.


FreudianLisp Thu 25-Oct-12 09:54:40

I'd be very uncomfortable about this. And I'd worry about how the friend's wife felt about it.

Tiredmumno1 Thu 25-Oct-12 09:55:10

I agree with tennis about deleting the comment, of course your DH isn't BU.

EleanorBloodBathsket Thu 25-Oct-12 09:55:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stuffitunderthebed Thu 25-Oct-12 09:55:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish Thu 25-Oct-12 09:57:24

Depends on the comment. What did he say?

stretch Thu 25-Oct-12 10:06:41

Whether or not you are single or married, comments about your breasts are sexist and offensive. To you.
What, are you supposed to be flattered that a <gasp> man has noticed you*. Pur-lease hmm
God knows what goes on in the minds of men nowadays.

* knows there are a few women like that

Eugh. I think I'd vomit all over the keyboard, delete the comment and then send him a message long the lines of 'Please don't make comments about my breasts, it makes me uncomfortable and makes you look like a pervy, leering twat.'

NoWayNoHow Thu 25-Oct-12 10:15:20

I'm glad this has come back as unanimously as it has - I'm really uncomfortable with the comment, and was really surprised by the mutual friend's reaction of it being okay when I told her (especially as she's one of my closest friends and knows DH really, really, well and would know how he would react)

I also feel sorry for my male friend's wife - she's not on FB, though, so wouldn't see the comment, which is probably why he did it.

I'm going to delete the comment I think.

Oh, and housewifefromheaven - at no point did I say I thought my DH was being U. I just fielded the two sides to get an objective opinion. Thankfully, the objective opinions I did get do actually support what I think. So, thanks for the offer of getting a grip, but I already have one hmm

DinosaursOnASpaceship Thu 25-Oct-12 10:19:49

It's sleazy and disrespectful.

I had a (male) friend from school who I had a brief relationship (if it can even be called that) a few years ago. He's on my Facebook and got engaged about a year ago.

But about 6 months ago he sent me a reasonably normal how are you fb message. I responded saying I was fine and congrats on the engagement, and he got all flirty. And suggestive.

I asked him if he really thought it was appropriate to be sending another woman messages like that when he had a fiancée. He said it was just harmless fun. So I offered to send the messages to his partner so she could join in the harmless fun.

He soon changed his tune. I'm very glad I didn't spend more than a couple of weeks in a 'relationship' with him as I'd be posting on here about his emotional affairs and untrustworthy behaviour by now, I bet my bank balance on it (£8.49 big bucks!) lucky escape for me.

I really really hate sleazy men, it turns my stomach. Must be an age thing, I'd have been all pleased at 20 to be told I had 'great tits' but 10 years later i would now be offended and avoid that person.

NoWayNoHow Thu 25-Oct-12 10:23:06

Oh, and eleanor I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you sad. Just awful.

NoWayNoHow Thu 25-Oct-12 10:44:42

Do you know what? The more I think about it, the more angry I'm getting with my female friend who is defending him and telling me that DH is being oversensitive.

Why does she think it's okay? How would her DP feel if my DH made the same comment about a photo of her? And how would she feel?

MikeOxardForHalloween Thu 25-Oct-12 11:23:26

Your dh is being a twat for saying he wouldn't say that to 'a mate's wife'. So it's ok to perve and make comments about a woman's breasts, unless that woman belongs to one of your male friends, in which case it would be unaccepable to do that (out of respect for the bloke). Yuck, fucking disgusting attitude.

stretch Thu 25-Oct-12 11:41:00

Who cares what the DP/DHs' feel? Why is this about them? It's how you feel, it's your body that's being commented on, not your DH's. You are not his property.
Your OP said you felt embarrassed and you felt it innappropriate. That, on it's own is enough.

I wouldn't say your DH is a twat, but I do agree with Mike ^^

AWimbaWay Thu 25-Oct-12 11:52:56

I agree with MikeOxardForHalloween. Inappropriate and sleazy to say to anyone, not only those in a relationship.

Meepameep Thu 25-Oct-12 11:58:54

Ask yourself how you would feel if a friend of yours commented on your husbands "impressive bulge" in a photo of him. I would be quite offended. Mind you I would be offended by the comment about my breasts.

givemeaclue Thu 25-Oct-12 12:03:39

Just delete it and move on. It's inappropriate but you are making more ofa drama than is needed. Your dh has objected to it but you have not deleted it -is that the case?

NoWayNoHow Thu 25-Oct-12 12:23:26

Mike that's REALLY harsh. I said that DH would never do the same thing to someone else's wife, but I didn't say "but he'd do it to anyone else who isn't in a relationship" did I?

He would never dream of passing comment on any woman he knows in any lewd way, he's not that kind of person at all. He's very "proper" and believes that you ought not to make personal comments on people's appearances.

stretch you're right, how I feel should be enough, but I love my DH and if he's upset by something, it upsets me too.

The only reason I haven't deleted the comment yet is because I'm at work and FB is blocked (but not MN - they're slow on catching on here... smile) and I can't delete the comment from me phone.

Housewifefromheaven Thu 25-Oct-12 12:25:18

Glad to hear it OP

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