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To be hurt emotionally about ds2 school report

(28 Posts)
altinkum Thu 25-Oct-12 07:07:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FamiliesShareGerms Thu 25-Oct-12 07:11:49

YANBU to feel upset that the accident has had such an impact on your little boys life

But it's not the teacher's fault, and I would think it good that they are picking up issues now and referring him to specialists to help get them sorted

youarewinning Thu 25-Oct-12 07:19:24

YANBU. It's been an emotional rollercoater ride for you since the accident.

But just remember that they are doing this to help him. Hopefully some support now will help him in the long term.

EdsRedeemingQualities Thu 25-Oct-12 07:19:25

Altinkum, 3 is VERY little to be starting school in any situation. I can just imagine what the reports would have said if my two lads had started that early smile

The change that takes place in children from this age to four, and then to five is massive. Really massive. It's good that they want to give him all the help they feel he might need, though I imagine it must be painful for you to know he is wanting some help.

It could have been this way without the delay caused by the accident though - at least you know he has a good reason to be a little bit 'behind' though I say that reluctantly because imo, no 3yo is really ever behind - they are just all finding their way to some kind of average.

As a vague example, ds1 had the same teacher in y1 as he does now in y5 and the difference is staggering - then, I was hurt by her saying he was 'below range', and now he is sailing ahead and his reading is beyond end-of-y6 stuff. Do you see what I mean? They all get there.


googlenut Thu 25-Oct-12 07:22:51

It seems odd that they would just announce this at parents evening. One of my children has special needs and there were lots of liasing with us before any referrals. So it sounds like school have been a bit clumsy in handling it and it must have been a shock.
But last poster is right, there are lots of things that can be brought in to encourage language development and the brains of young children are open to change and improvement. So try and look on this as a positive development. Also don't be afraid to get involved- say you want to meet the speech therapist after she has seen him.

marriedinwhite Thu 25-Oct-12 07:25:36

He has had medical help to overcome the physical impact of the accident. He is going to get some help to help overcome the emotional and development issues the accident may have caused. You must have been aware he was delayed in some aspects and surely it is a good thing he is getting the help he needs. It has to be better to be referred at 3 to start turning it round than at 5 when there might be more work to do. If he has scored below range he needs help, he is being offered help and it is a good thing. How would you feel if the school said "oh he had an accident" we won't refer, it's to be expected, and then at 5 or 6 you discovered there was an underlying problem that was much more serious and he had lost two or three years of catch up time because the school discounted it due to the accident.

Rooble Thu 25-Oct-12 07:25:49

families is right. It's horrible to hear that there are difficulties - but would've so much worse if his teachers just nodded and smiled and ignored any problems until he was say 7, or 11. If he's only 3 and they intervene to help him now, then they can make far more difference than if he's not helped until further down the line.
Really the teacher isn't trying to hurt you - just to help your little boy as much as possible

altinkum Thu 25-Oct-12 07:34:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OddBoots Thu 25-Oct-12 07:34:56

Try not to worry, I've done referrals for the same kinds of things before and sometimes simple things to fix like glue-ear have come up and sometimes it's just a case of needing a bit of extra support for a while and then all is fine.

When a child has been in hospital for a lot of their early life then it is quite common for there to be a delay but often focussed help is all that is needed - think of it as being like developmental physiotherapy.

It must be upsetting but it's much more common than you'd think and it's good that they are getting it checked.

EdsRedeemingQualities Thu 25-Oct-12 07:40:45

Also I imagine that the recovery from what happened (sorry - I don't know what happened, I'm so sorry that something did) meant that for a while, time stood still, and other aspects of development were sort of put on hold.

It's like when a child starts learning to walk, their other 'projects' might take a back seat for a while, so their talking slows down or they aren't interested in eating proper food, or whatever - one thing at a time. They are concentrating.

Perhaps that's what went on with your little ds - and it will take him a while to catch up, with what he 'should' have been doing at the time - when all his energy was going into getting better? That's Ok - it doesn't mean he will have any permanent results from the accident.

It's just put a spanner in the works for a year or two, that's all.

impty Thu 25-Oct-12 08:01:51

It's very normal and natural to be upset that your ds, who has already been through so much, needs more help.

It's fine to have a little cry, and feel a bit sad. Then you need to just get on with it. Something that you've had to do for a while, I imagine. The extra support now will enable your ds to 'catch up'.

If its any consolation my dd1 had extra help for a year at the age of 3, for language issues. She too was behind. By the time she started full time school she was at the same level as her peers. Now she is a teenager and achieving well at school. She can't remember the extra 'lessons' she had!

Good luck, and chin up.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Oct-12 08:16:19

Who is at school age 3?

Everlong Thu 25-Oct-12 08:17:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OddBoots Thu 25-Oct-12 08:17:46

Nursery attached to a school I would imagine.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Thu 25-Oct-12 08:18:17

Alt - at 3yo my DS2 was totally non verbal. Now at 9yo, he never shuts up. He started school at 4y10m, and was, as you say, more at a 2yo level than an almost 5yo level.

He is currently starting to catch up.

Callisto Thu 25-Oct-12 08:26:35

Why is he even in school at three? If it is causing you upset, pull him out until he has to go.

3bunnies Thu 25-Oct-12 08:29:04

Up until the age of 5 the brain is incredibly plastic and the function of the bits which have suffered damage can be taken on by other parts of the brain, with the appropriate support and intervention. Still doesn't make it any easier when it is your little baby, but he has plenty of time to fully recover, and being in and out of hospital will have an impact.

Mrsjay Thu 25-Oct-12 08:40:11

YANBU to be upset obviously his accident has affected all of the family as well as your son, It is ok to be uspet though and speech and language therapy really can work wonders and you want your son to be able to communicate don't you Non verbal children can be frustrated so don't even try to speak sometimes, I think his nursery is just wanting him to move on and be where he should be, don't be upset look forward to your little boy chatting away

Mrsjay Thu 25-Oct-12 08:45:06

and children who get S& L as early as possible means by the time they go to full time school they can understand and communicate with those around them,

dysfunctionalme Thu 25-Oct-12 10:06:10

I think that sometimes when we are trying to deal with trauma, we'll get to a point where you think you're managing then you get a setback and it can seem very overwhelming again.

I don't know about your son's accident but he is so little and has obviously been through a great deal, you all have, that it would be understandable, expected even, to have intense emotions even long after the "event".

I'm sorry that his scores were upsetting for you, it must be like another loss on top of all that he has missed out on.

It does sound, however, that he has a wonderful family and lovely teachers. The gap between him and his peers may seem huge at the moment but these things have a way of levelling. Sorry if that is not much comfort.

shesariver Thu 25-Oct-12 10:12:12

Hes only 3 - plently of time to progress. Is it nursery? I didnt think 3 year olds went to school.

baskingseals Thu 25-Oct-12 10:24:30

agree with Eds.

you know that fable with the tortoise and the hare - i think child development is like that.

try not to worry. i don't want to assume anything - but do you feel guilty about him? if you do, you honestly have to stop. it is corrosive and a complete waste of time. i used to feel terribly guilty about my dd, and i had to look deep inside myself and forgive myself. since then our relationship has improved. you are doing the best you can. he knows you love him. i promise you that that is enough.

midseasonsale Thu 25-Oct-12 11:33:12

It's early days yet, don't count your chickens. A good number of slow starters at my kids school over took the 'coached kids' by juniors. There is usually a lot of change in the first few years and you must remember learning is not linear. They learn in leaps and jumps and sometimes out perform original expectations.

midseasonsale Thu 25-Oct-12 11:34:00

ps. I knew two three year olds who couldn't say anything but now aged 5 seem to have caught up

TeaBrick Thu 25-Oct-12 11:41:12

It might not be anything to do with the accident, he may just be a slightly late developer and will catch up with his peers in 2 to 3 years. Sorry to hear about his accident. He is very young though, if he hadn't had the accident, would you still be as worried about his development?

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