Taking a dish to a dinner party?

[Primafacie]

DH and I are invited to a dinner party on Friday. The dinner is work-related and the host will be my colleague in two weeks' time when I start a new job, so not close friends. There will be 16 of us, and the invitation specifies that it will be a buffet/cold meats.

I was thinking I could take a dish for the buffet. I would take home-made gravadlax, as that requires no work at all from the hosts -it would be all cut and plated and ready to eat and delicious

DH thinks it's weird to take a dish to a dinner party. If you were the host, would you be pleased or offended? Any views on the etiquette?

We will be taking wine and flowers too, natch :)

[edwinbear]

I wouldn't think it was weird at all, I would be delighted, but then I LOVE gravadlax.

[Bogeyface]

I wouldnt.

If it was friends then I would but for new colleagues you dont really know how anal they are about catering for such things, so I would just take the wine and flowers.

[BadIdeaBear]

Any way you can offer to take a dish in advance? It may be really welcomed but think it could backfire if you just take as a surprise given that you don't know the hosts well and don't know their entertaining style.

[lisaro]

No, definitely not. It could be seen as quite rude and that you feel the host needs help. It really isn't the done thing unless specifically asked. A pressie for the host/was or wine is fine though.

[JaxTellerIsMyFriend]

well you could ask if they would like you to bring a dish?

If they say no, then wine/chocs/flowers - although its good etiquette if bringing flowers take something the host doesnt have to faff with straight away or can stick in a vase pre arranged.

[CrikeyOHare]

To be honest, I would ask the host first before taking a whole dish. They may have a theme etc and planned the table out exactly - and your dish might not "fit in"!

Chocolates, flowers or wine would be better, in my opinion.

[Kingsfold]

I am afraid I wouldn't like it. If I'd planned a meal and someone appeared with a plate of gravadlax, I'd think they were bananas.

Wine/chocolates would be fine (prefer flowers, but then you have to unearth a vase) - but I would be happiest for people just to bring themselves.

[Autumnchill]

Would check first as could be doing Italian food or Indian and your dish might now 'fit'. Wine and flowers doesn't seem unreasonable and I would be happy receiving them as it shows thought.

[Autumnchill]

Now = not (blooming fat fingers on iPad)

[Merrin]

No. If you had met them before perhaps, maybe, but not for a work related social. Couple of nice bottles of wine and flowers should do the job.

[landrover]

Mmmmm, whats gravadiax?

[WipsGlitter]

Definitely not. Unless you are asked to bring one.

[Snusmumriken]

I would be really annoyed if a guest brought food to a dinner party. Your dish might not work with her menu. By bringing a dish you would be implying that you do not think she is capable of hosting her guests.

Bring a normal host/ess present i.e. flowers.

[horsebiscuit]

Just ask nicely if they'd like you to bring it or not?

[ImperialBlether]

I think it's a nice gesture but I really think you shouldn't do it.

As others have said, it might not suit the other food there, which could annoy the host/ess. There might not be room for it on the table. It would piss me off if I'd prepared all that food then people praised your dish. Sorry, but it would!

And what about the other guests? Their reaction would be, "Oh shit, I didn't realise we were meant to bring something."

It wrongfoots everyone, doesn't it?

Buy a lovely bottle of wine or some flowers, but don't take food.

[LineRunner]

It's a salmon / dill combo.

[Weasleyismyking]

at the responses here.

If i was having guests round and providing a "buffet/cold meats" I would be delighted if someone turned up with homemade gravadlax.

[IloveJudgeJudy]

I think taking a dish if you know the people and that's how your friendships work, but in this instance I think it would not be the done thing. By all means take flowers, wine, box of chocs, but no food.

[eurowitch]

I say no unless you are asked to.

[MrsCantSayAnything]

Weasley some people take enormous pleasure in prepping these things...buffet or not....they may be annoyed that the guest has shoved their own food in there...or anal about what goes together and what does not.

[Primafacie]

Thanks everyone, interesting points made. I've decided to ask the host. I shall report!

[AuntLucyInPeru]

It would annoy me unless previously agreed; and even then in a non blackmail way as in, "would you like me to bring a bottle of wine, or I do a great gravalax - would a plate of that be a helpful addition to the buffet maybe?'

[Shinyshoes1]

no way. Don't do it unless you have been asked to

[Notmadeofrib]

i'd be happy too, but I'm quite chilled... lots of people are not!

[whois]

Not unless asked. I would probably offer something like AuntLucyInPeru suggest above. If no food required then take wine, choc, flowers or a plant.

FYI I love gravlax and you would have your arm bitten off if you happened to suggest bringing that over...