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fuc*&ing social services??!!

(74 Posts)
BloodRedAlienReflux Wed 24-Oct-12 17:44:56

Right,some of you may have read my thread about my neighbours abusive partner, and i was so worried about the kids,I got my Mum to ring SS.
So she did, and they came round today, and told her EVERYTHING about the phone call??!!
Stuff that only I and a very small handful of people know and a couple of things (black eye and a particular argument) that only I fucking know about???!! She was so pissed on Saturday, she thinks she may have told her Mum the same stuff, so only just doesn't know it's definitely me.
Can they do this??? I'm absolutely fuming.
They said they are going to send her a statement of the whole phone call, so she can l'look over it'
As for the punched through doors, she took them off before they came, and said 'they are in the shed if you want a look'!! the woman said ' no thanks it's raining!!!!'
Now I've just had to watch her little girl go home in tears cos she doesn't want to go.
What can i do now? fuck all.

JaquelineHyde Wed 24-Oct-12 17:49:50

Yes of course they can reveal the details of the information/complaint they recieved as long as they don't say who contacted them.

I wouldn't believe what your friend has told you about the doors and the social workers response.

And finally if you are that concerned about a little girl not wanting to go home then you ring up again and make a complaint again.

xMumof3x Wed 24-Oct-12 17:50:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vessel Wed 24-Oct-12 17:52:52

it doesn't matter whether she knows who referred her as long as her DD is protected?

Sirzy Wed 24-Oct-12 17:53:05

I don't understand. How are they supposed to investigate it without telling the family the nature of their concerns?

BloodRedAlienReflux Wed 24-Oct-12 17:53:59

No? it's not that cryptic. I do believe about the doors because they are not doing anything more, and yes, cheers, I am still worried, but also just a tiny bit terrified of the psycho next door.

NigellaLawless Wed 24-Oct-12 17:56:37

I second that JaquelineHyde says.

How could they investigate the concerns without being clear about what the concerns are?

Imagine if someone made allegations about your family. wouldst you want to know what was being alleged.

You did the right thing to make the referral! Its unlikely that your neighbour will tell you the whole truth about the social worker, she my well play down how seriously they are taking it!

BloodRedAlienReflux Wed 24-Oct-12 17:57:19

she's not protected, they are not doing ANYTHING else.
Can't they just say, we have had a complaint about violence in the house etc, not ' didn't you have an argument about the kitten and that your partner was going to wring it's neck /slit it's throat?
This is shit only I know?!
They described the womans voice on the phone (accent not from round here) she spent more time helping her figure out who had called than about the children
What is the fucking point?

PumpkInDublic Wed 24-Oct-12 17:57:27

I think I see your point. If she reads the transcript and it's "I hear abuse through the walls" It's going to be obvious the OP was involved in the call.

OP I know you got your Mum to do it so you could look her in the eye and say "I didn't make the call" as you didn't want her to know, but you wanted to protect her and her daughter. Hopefully she'll get the help she needs and you can know you made a difference in someones life.

Sirzy you could phrase the concerns as "We have been informed your DP is hitting you and may be a risk to your daughter" and "We know about the argument you had about X where your DP hit you and then XYZ happened."

Vessel Wed 24-Oct-12 17:58:09

SS aren't doing anything more despite her being 'psycho'?

WorraLiberty Wed 24-Oct-12 17:59:13

When did you phone them OP?

nailak Wed 24-Oct-12 17:59:44

one of the support workers at the childrens centre reported one of the families to social services, there had been dv and stuff in this family, the mum had been attending the centre for a few years, and was very open about her situation, social services went stayed for ten mins, said house is clean kids are clean and closed the case.

NigellaLawless Wed 24-Oct-12 18:00:40

Sorry for typos am on stupid phone!

Who said they aren't taking it further? Was it your neighbour. I wouldn't necessarily believe that. Children's Serviced will likely check with school and health to see whether they have concerns. if the little girl cries because the doesn't want to go home this will be raised by school.

If it has been dropped call back and raise your concerns again

BloodRedAlienReflux Wed 24-Oct-12 18:02:51

Thanks Pump, seriously, I'm shaking here.
She's not psycho (dependent on your view) but HE fucking is!!
She convinced them he's not living there, just comes to pick baby (his) up once a week!? and that everything is fine, they said, since everything's fine, they will not come round anymore if anyone phones, just call her... this is the corker.... unless something serious happens, like she's in HOSPITAL!!!!
My Mum phoned Monday lunchtime Worra think it was anyway.

mutny Wed 24-Oct-12 18:05:14

Ss would still look into him picking his own child up if they thought he was a danger.

Yabu, completely. She has the right to know what's been said. I also think she is down playing what they have said. She is lying to them even though her child is distraught. So why is it so gar fetched that she would lie to you?

midori1999 Wed 24-Oct-12 18:05:51

I don't know if they are supposed to do this, but someone made a malicious/ridiculous report to social services about me. (they had overheard my son say to other children his age, 9, that he lives in a cardboard box at home, but it's ok, it was being upgraded to a wooden one soon) and at the time they said the caller wished to remain anonymous. However, when the report came it included the woman's name and I am not sure if she was being overzealous or if she was being malicious as one of her very close friends really doesn't like me. (to the point she attacked me at one point and she has a reputation for doing this) Anyway, I did wonder if the social worker let it slip or had put the name in deliberately.

JaquelineHyde Wed 24-Oct-12 18:08:08

So he's a psycho and she is guilty of neglecting her daughter and placing her in danger.

All the time you feel this little girl is at risk you must keep ringing up.

I also wouldn't believe a bloody word of what your neighbour/friend said to you as she is clearly prepared to lie to social services and continue putting her daughter at risk.

If she has talked to you openly about all this then surely that is a good time to start challenging her behaviour?

Seabird72 Wed 24-Oct-12 18:08:08

Had the same problem - worried about my dd's friend who had an abusive father. SS had been caaled on them before. I didn't call SS but told the school who told SS and gave them my details. They investigated but obviously she knew who'd told the school and then stopped her D playing with mine and the abuse continued. Yes they need to know what allegations are beingmade against them but it's going to scare people off from calling SS if some of the information can only come froma partivular source - I then worried that the abusive father was going to come round my house when he was next drunk. I WILL NOT place my own children in danger to save the life of someone else's - it's that simple. If a father can be abusive constantly towards his own child he's not going to give a toss about hurting me or my kids - so I won't call SS and I won't tell the school again either if I have my concerns - or at least won't tell them or SS in person.

WorraLiberty Wed 24-Oct-12 18:08:53

My Mum phoned Monday lunchtime Worra think it was anyway

I was just away checking your thread...she rang Saturday lunchtime.

I think your neighbour might be winding you up because what are the chances of the SW who visited her house, being exactly the same one who took the phone call so knew about your Mum's accent?

IvorHughJackolantern Wed 24-Oct-12 18:09:26

I'm not sure that'll do much to reassure the op midori confused Love the box story though!

BloodRed - all you can do is tell yourself that you and your mum did the best that you can do. SS are not going to give any names to your neighbour and if she's told a handful of people the details that were in your call, and they've told people, and they've told people, then there'll be a wide group of people who could have called. There's no real reason that Psycho Man will instantly connect the call to you.

BloodRedAlienReflux Wed 24-Oct-12 18:09:51

This is exactly why peopledon't fucking call then isn't it? They have practically outed me to the nutter next door, in trying to protect her children, I've endangered my own. FACT.
Fuck sake she is my friend i know she's not lying about it.
Yeah, some friend I am right?

GhostShip Wed 24-Oct-12 18:12:23

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Surely they can investigate whats going on without making it plain and clear what has been said, and giving them enough information to figure out who by.

No wonder people don't bother with social services and stick their heads in the sand.

Not been handled well at all IMO.

midori1999 Wed 24-Oct-12 18:12:43

Sorry, that was a bit stupid of me. blush

Bloodred, you have done the right thing and this will hopefully protect her DC. If your friend does realise it was you, hopefully she will realise that you have done it to try and protect her DC and she may even appreciate it, if not now, then at some point.

JaquelineHyde Wed 24-Oct-12 18:14:56

I totally understand your point seabird however, you must remember your children have you to stick up for them and protect them. So you wouldn't open the door to this man or let him in to your home and you would report him or call the police if you felt at risk or in danger.

Your DD's friend that you are going to turn your back on, has no one to do that for them.

That child is all alone, I couldn't turn my back. I would do everything I could to protect my children but I couldn't just ignore it.

Northernlurkerisbehindyouboo Wed 24-Oct-12 18:15:09

Calm down OP. You only know what she's told you. I reckon most of what she says is bollocks. She's had a visit, she's scared and angry and she's trying to find out who said what. She reckons if she pushed you enough you'll confess. Then she can be all angry with you instead of confronting her own behaviour. Easier to rant about this than accept she's endangering her children isn't it?

Stay calm, admit nothing, discuss nothing and ring SS each and every time you are worried about the kids.

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