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To tell friends that I would rather they didn't pop over immediately after work?

(31 Posts)
FunBagFreddie Wed 24-Oct-12 17:25:09

Sorry to do another aibu.

A friend just rang up to ask if it was ok to pick a parcel up. I explained that I was just about to have a soak in the bath after work, and although I work at home freelancing, I still need my half hour or so to unwind afterwards.

I don't think he liked that, and I reckon this nice couple think I'm being off with them and rude. However, I don't think either of them would have a problem asking me to pop over another time if the situation was reversed. In fact, they would probably just say they were busy if they didn't fancy it.
I am crap at being assertive and never know whether this kind of thing is ok or not.

PosieParker Wed 24-Oct-12 17:28:04

No YANU, it's your house, your time and your decision.

PosieParker Wed 24-Oct-12 17:28:19

YANBU. doh

SoleSource Wed 24-Oct-12 17:29:53

Ooh life is too short. If they do not like it, why care? ,you were polite and next time just say sorry isn't convenient and give them a time if you can, you do not owe them a reason.

Vessel Wed 24-Oct-12 17:33:55

they are BU to be 'off' with you because of that.

Did you them a reason because you didn't feel confident enough to say a straight "No"?

Sounds like they are now being judgy as they don't think your reason was good enough - so next time just say "Sorry, that doesn't suit, come at X o'clock".

I find if you don't articulate the reason, people are more likely to take the "No" at face value (v few people are cheeky enough to ask why it doesn't suit!)

FunBagFreddie Wed 24-Oct-12 17:36:47

Thanks, I feel like I have been unreasonable. The fact that I have been rather ill, stressed and have had to turn down a couple of invitations from them recently makes me feel worse. But SoleSource is right, life's too short.

AgentProvocateur Wed 24-Oct-12 17:41:36

I'd think you were a bit off too, TBH. it would take a minute for him to pick up a parcel, presumably on his way home from work. Could you not leave the door open or leave the parcel on the doorstep?

FunBagFreddie Wed 24-Oct-12 17:43:59

No, the reason wasn't an excuse. I just like to have half hour to unwind after work.

FunBagFreddie Wed 24-Oct-12 17:48:13

I felt like I had to justify it as they know that I would be at home, because I work here.

GhostShip Wed 24-Oct-12 17:55:46

To be honest I'm gunna have to go against everyone else here and say YABU. Was the parcel an urgent one? How long would it taken for them to come over?

Surely a knock on the door and 'oh heres your parcel' wouldn't have disrupted your routine too much confused

BackforGood Wed 24-Oct-12 17:56:31

Depends - if the person was coming out specially, and you said "Sorry, I'm doing something else now, could you come at x o'clock" then that would be fine., YWNBU.
If, however, the person was hoping to pick it up when they were passing for some other reason (eg, way home from work or way out somewhere else) to save them another journey, and you were just being awkward, then I think YWBU.
I work at home sometimes, and it really is no bother to stop for 2 mins to give a neighbour a parcel or suchlike. The idea of "1/2 and hour to wind down after I finish work" is somewhat alien to me, as I have dc cmoing in, going out, and needing things doing with/for them.

VoterColonelSebastianDoyle Wed 24-Oct-12 17:59:33

Yes i think yabu it would have taken 5 minutes to pick it up surely? I would have been pissed off if it was an important package

Mintyy Wed 24-Oct-12 18:00:30

This really is too boring for words!

JoshLyman Wed 24-Oct-12 18:01:16

I think YABU, presuming it takes a few mins to pick up a parcel. If you thought he'd expect to be made a cuppa and would stay for a lengthy chat, then less so. But even then, I'd probably forgo my bath - they are friends after all and I generally like seeing my friends. That's why they're my friends.

Snog Wed 24-Oct-12 18:01:57

Why do you have their parcel?

GhostShip Wed 24-Oct-12 18:03:49

snog I presume they had it delivered to the OP's address because she was in all day...

Shinyshoes1 Wed 24-Oct-12 18:04:37

Yabu you have their parcel they want it and you are in for them to collect it .
Would have it really been the end of the work if they disrupted your unwind time for 2 minutes just to collect it .

pippinsmum Wed 24-Oct-12 18:10:38

I don't think you are being unreasonable to want to chill a little after work.

I have two friends who just turn up at my house when I have just finished work (I only work part time mornings) and straight away say are you brewing up!!! I have not had my lunch and if I make a sandwich for myself I always feel like I should offer to make them one they always say yes please we haven't eaten yet! So I work all morning and then wait hand and foot on people all afternoon too.
I really need to learn to say no, but its really hard when they are your friends!

GhostShip Wed 24-Oct-12 18:13:58

Pippin - they only wanted to pick their parcel up, which for all we know could be important.

The OP works from home anyway, so surely a 2 minute pop round wouldn't have ruined her plans.

GhostShip Wed 24-Oct-12 18:14:34

In fact the more I think about it the more unreasonable it seems.

pippinsmum Wed 24-Oct-12 18:23:44

Yes I suppose the op situation is differnt to mine, but I wouldn't call at someones house even to pick something up when they have just got in from work or mealtimes/ kids bedtimes ect.

HeinousHecate Wed 24-Oct-12 18:25:05

Was he wanting to come in and have a coffee and spend time with you, or just wanting you to answer the door and pass him his parcel?

If the former, then YANBU

If the latter, then you are a bit, imo

FunBagFreddie Wed 24-Oct-12 18:26:19

pippinsmum, I wouldn't either tbh. However, I just popped it over to them so it's all sorted now.

SoleSource Wed 24-Oct-12 18:31:35

The angles from which I came to my answervia were

1) The OP was short of time, had thirty minutes for her bath. OP did not state how long she might have to wait for their arrival, thus taking up her time.

2) Leaving parcels on the front step/porch may not have been possible.

3) OP made reference to her friebds not having a problem telling her they were busy, I felt an awkward history.

4) OP may have been practicing her assersertion skills

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