To feel like I'm actually losing my marbles

[EricNorthmansFangBanger]

I know I should really post over in mental health or antenatal/postnatal depression but I know this board gets a lot of traffic and I'm just hoping for some reassurance.

I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant with DC3. After DD1 & DD2, I suffered with PND. Worse after DD2 than DD1. I wasn't officially 'over' the PND when I became pregnant with DC3 but felt better than I had done, wasn't on meds and have kind of been just getting on with things.

Over the past few weeks, I've been feeling exhausted, very grumpy and I'm losing my temper very easily. I struggle to get up of a morning and falling asleep at night can sometimes take a while. I've also been sleeping in the day, which is very unusual for me. I'm a full time student in my final year at Uni, planning on going straight through this year if I can and juggling uni work and having the baby in February. In the last week or so, I've noticed that things are sometimes feeling surreal iyswim? Like tonight for example, I felt the baby move and was a bit freaked out? It's hard to explain what I mean, it kind of freaked me out thinking I have a little person moving about in my tummy. It sounds odd, I know. I've been pregnant twice before already and not felt like this. Feeling freaked out made me feel odd and panicky. Also, I've had it where I've been chatting to someone and had an overwhelming sense of awareness and surrealism. I don't know why and it only ever happens very very sporadically. It's happened when I've not been pregnant too.

I'm wondering whether it's because we've all been ill and still are all run down that I'm feeling all these different things. I'm wondering whether it's the stressing about uni deadlines or the fact DH doesn't have a job yet, though he is trying his hardest bless him, and we're living off my student loan plus CTC/CB. He is receiving JSA at the moment but theyve screwed up his last 3 payments so things are even tighter than usual. It should be fixed this week but I'm thinking it could be contributing. I'm wondering whether it's because we aren't really getting a full nights sleep because DD2 wakes up at least once every night. She's coming upto 16 months and she doesn't sleep through. DH and I take it in turns, so a one night on and one night off system if you like. I don't know why she isn't sleeping through, most likely one of those things.

We've had a tough couple of years, DH has suffered with depression himself and things financially have been hard. I worry about coping financially and physically. I don't like the feeling of surrealism and panic I'm feeling at the minute. Sometimes I feel ok and others not. I don't know what's wrong with me and I'm scared if I'm totally honest. Am I totally losing my marbles?

[flow4]

Oh Eric, poor you!

Firstly, I think the sensations you are having are probably caused by exhaustion and stress - heaven knows, you've got enough to be stressed about - and pg hormones won't be helping :( I have had those hyper-aware, panicky and 'surreal' sensations when I have been totally exhausted, which you clearly are.

Since your DH isn't working - and given that you are exhausted and pregnant - can DH take over all the night shifts for a few months? You really do desperately need extra sleep, and you're not even getting enough.

Secondly, if you're worried, go and see your GP. Worry is almost the worst thing of all IME: it can make you ill all by itself, and it can make other symptoms feel much worse. Your GP can check for some of the most obvious possibilities, like anaemia.

There are a few things you could try which might help specific symptoms and that will be generally good for you anyway :) For instance, eating more foods that contain iron. Or trying to make sure you get out into the fresh air for a walk each day. Or doing other things that make you feel good, if you can :)

[GhostofMammaTJ]

I get those feelings near a period, feeling the world is not real. So I put it down to being hormonal.

I think tiredness makes it worse, as does not having eaten properly. Worth getting checked for gestational diabetes perhaps.

Of course if you are pushing yourself and have two young DC you are going to be more tired and feel like it more anyway.

[EricNorthmansFangBanger]

MamaTJ - you hit the nail on the head with the 'feeling not real'. I've been talking to my husband before now and have had a sudden feeling of disorientation and feeling like things aren't real or happening. I have a GTT test booked for when I turn 28 weeks already.

Natasha - Thank you. I know the work from uni is having an impact on me I think. As the deadlines get closer and closer I start to stress more and more. I've been trying to do work but I end up sitting there and not knowing what to write.

Flow - I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that has experienced the hyper-awake thing. It's a very strange feeling. It has happened before when I've not been tired but I think tiredness makes it worse. My DH and I were both awake for hours last night with DD2 again. He took her downstairs to try settle her and I managed to get a bit of sleep before he did. He brought her in here when she first started crying, she settled within 5 minutes but seemed to be trying to get comfy. DH took her back to her cot but as soon as he put her down she kicked off again. My DH is really trying and has done more than one night in a row before now, but he is also very tired too. Both of us can be shattered, get in to bed and then lie awake tossing and turning for hours on end. I don't think there is a possibility of him taking over fully.

Thank you all for your replies. My midwife was/is aware of the PND issue but I've had a change of midwife recently who I met briefly once. I'm seeing her in a few weeks, so think I will keep an eye on things and talk to her about it. Everything is just feeling like an uphill struggle really and I feel a lot of pressure to finish uni and graduate in July. I'd love to take a break after Christmas and return to my studies later but it just isn't a viable option and we need my student loan to survive, which would stop if I took a break. Thank you all again.

[flow4]

Just a thought... Since you desperately need more sleep, and it isn't possible for your DH to take over all the night-times, how about sleep sharing/co-sleeping?

Since you're pregnant and probably a bit uncomfortable and squashed in bed already, having DD2 actually in your bed may not work well for you... But having a sort of 'sidecar' if she's in a cot, or a 'nest' on the floor at the bottom of the bed, might really help.

Neither of my boys slept through for a single night until they were 3.6 . So I had both of them in my bed, to try to make sure nights were disrupted as little as possible: just roll over and attach baby to breast, or cuddle stirring toddler, as required. If I hadn't, I literally would never, ever have been able to cope. Thank goodness they're 4.9 years apart in age or I'd probably have dropped dead of exhaustion!

I know bed-sharing is not very popular with UK HVs these days, and you will probably hear some parents railing against it; but I know literally dozens of mums who did it secretly without telling their HV it's very widespread around the world and it works really well for lots of families.

You do then have to put effort in later to get them to sleep alone, BUT it is such a difficult challenge for some children, and really, I'd say it is one you could do without while you are pregnant and studying and soooooo tired that you are at risk of getting ill.

There is a lot of international info about sleep-sharing on these UNICEF pages (though most of it refers to breastfed babies).

You won't find much UK info about co-sleeping with toddlers, but there are some good overviews on American websites like this and here

Even the Daily Mail doesn't think it's bad for toddlers!

It might just be worth a try...? :)

[MyDonkeysAZombie]

Bumping in case anyone else has ideas. Hope you are able to go to your GP if you feel this "feeling not real" is more than tiredness.


With DD2 can it be teeth coming through? I know you will be needing every moment of rest you can get, unfortunately it's often nothing you can do anything about. I reckon one of the great unspoken things about parenting is the zombifying effect of DCs who are poor sleepers.