I have namechanged for this thread because the details will totally out me if anyone knows me in RL so if you recognise me from other threads please don't say! Its long but I don't want to dripfeed so I have tried to include all relevant info.
Background: My DD (9) does ballet on the weekend, and also has a class on a Monday evening. It is half term this week so she was off school yesterday.
I am 30 weeks pregnant and also have been very poorly the last few months with an unrelated illness so am incredibly tired at the moment although I would say I am recovering.
My lovely Dad a few years ago offered to pay for my DD's ballet classes as money was tight, and still does, although now only pays part of the bill- as she has advanced up the school her classes have become more expensive and extra classes have been required.
I pay for all these extra classes and for all ballet clothing/shoes/exam fees/any extra lessons she needs for exams etc. So my Dad pays for the basic ballet and tap classes she started off with at the age of 3 and I pay for the rest.
I am very appreciative of this however I did about six months ago suggest to my Dad that I take over paying for the whole lot as I feel we could manage it now. He declined, and said he was happy to pay. I said 'thank you very much, thats really kind', and we continued as before.
Now, yesterday, as DD was off school, obviously we were slightly out of routine, as normally she gets in from school, we have a quick tea, and leave straight away as ballet is around 20 minutes drive away from where we live.
Yesterday, I had been busy doing things around the house and tired myself out, and had to go up for a nap around 3pm, forgetting about ballet and not waking until 4.30 pm, which is when we normally have to leave for a class which is 5-6pm. When I woke I had to get some tea ready as DP was coming in at 5 and expecting me to have some tea ready for him to eat and leave straight away as he had to travel overnight for work, leaving at 5.30 pm.
For those who might say DP could get his own tea, he is not normally someone who expects me to have his tea on the table etc, and in fact on a Monday usually has to wait until fairly late for his tea as we are out at ballet, but this was an unusual situation and I had promised I would have some tea ready yesterday for him due to the tight timescale, and as he is coeliac it isn't easy for him to pick something up at a motorway service station or indeed to rely on being able to get something easily at his destination (around 4-5 hours drive).
SO.
DD did not go to ballet. However, she has been tired this week, and she is on half term, so she didn't actually notice and it wasn't mentioned. I made tea, we sat down and ate together as a family and then said goodbye to DP at 5.30 pm, we played a game of UNO and at 6 pm DD went upstairs and got ready for bed without me asking (a sure sign she must be tired!!!!)
I lightheartedly texted my mum to tell her DD had got ready for bed at 6 as I found it amusing and thought she would also, and she replied with 'what happened to ballet?'
I replied 'We didn't go because I was asleep, didn't wake until 4.30pm and we had to have some tea! Oh well.'
I didn't explain any more than this but of course as a grown woman didn't think I had to justify my actions to my mother so assumed this would be sufficient, especially given the fact that she knows I have been struggling to cope with my illness and pregnancy combined, but have managed to get DD to dancing and other activities every other time.
I got a reply saying 'Hope you realise your dad isn't paying for any more dance lessons'.
Me- 'That's fine but why are you being funny about it? I'm ill not lazy!'
DM- 'If you had asked I would have taken her. The lessons have been paid for and she likes going'.
I tried to ring her at this point but she didn't answer phone. Now, my mum lives 20-30 minutes at least from me, so had I rung her at 4.30pm when I woke up, she would (even if she had left immediately), not have been at my house until the time the class had already started, so wouldn't arrive there until halfway through it.
My mum has been ignoring calls and texts since then so I have just left it, but I feel a little bit aggrieved that I seem to be in the doghouse as
a) I didn't intentionally miss the class, I would have left DP some tea ready to heat up if I had not forgotten the class was on and gone for a sleep.
b) my dad isn't actually paying for this Monday class anyway
c)she would have missed most of the class if I had rung my mum to get her (and not something it would have occurred to me to do anyway as it would seem a big 'ask' as she doesn't even live in the same town as us)
d) I have offered to pay for the entire bill and he has insisted, so I'm not bothered by having to pay for it but it just feels like it is a 'punishment' for being 'naughty'- leading onto my last point-
e) I AM 32 YEARS OLD
I know I should just let her get over it and let it wash over me but she has such form for this kind of thing, emotional blackmail, toxic parenting and all the rest of it and I fall for it EVERY TIME.
But this time I am wondering, is this just her up to her usual tricks and I am out of favour again (she will be bitching about me to one of my sisters I can guarantee). Or was I actually being unreasonable and a bit unfair on my DD to forget to set an alarm and get up in time to go? I feel like I have lost all perspective on this and maybe I am putting myself first when I should have just sucked it up and taken DD to ballet (having had nothing to eat since lunch) and DP sorted himself out?
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Is my mum being a knob or am i selfish??
68 replies
namechangerhonest · 23/10/2012 13:07
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NatashaBee ·
23/10/2012 13:38
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