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AIBU regarding my SIL's 40th Birthday?

(103 Posts)
cherrytomatoes Mon 22-Oct-12 13:15:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

talkingnonsense Mon 22-Oct-12 13:16:50

Yanbu! Say exactly that.

cherrytomatoes Mon 22-Oct-12 13:17:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoIDare Mon 22-Oct-12 13:17:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob Mon 22-Oct-12 13:19:26


You are of course very confused over this as no one does adult presents in il family wink

No way on gods green earth would I be going along with this.

FeckOffCup Mon 22-Oct-12 13:20:54

YANBU and I wouldn't be railroaded into going on a holiday that wasn't my choice of destination unless I could easily afford another family holiday. Your SIL sounds like a spoilt princessy drama queen, she needs to get a grip.

ENormaSnob Mon 22-Oct-12 13:21:01

Oh and I wouldn't give a shit whether it spoils her birthday or not tbh.

She sounds pathetic.

HazleNutt Mon 22-Oct-12 13:21:16

YANBU. Tell MIL you already have holiday plans with your family and surely you don't do presents anyway?

LemonBreeland Mon 22-Oct-12 13:21:42

YANBU not a hope in hell I'd be going on that holiday.

EldritchCleavage Mon 22-Oct-12 13:22:02

I don't think that you should give to receive exactly, but people who show you very little consideration have a real cheek expecting you to lavish money and attention on them nevertheless.

And I completely sympathise: my toxic SIL (also PIL's favourite) is like this. She was very angry that our wedding apparently overshadowed her 40th, because her birthday was just as important. Not that she ever bothered with DH's birthday particularly.

Shakey1500 Mon 22-Oct-12 13:24:04

Just out of interest, what did your SIL get your DH for his birthday? Just a card also, like his parents etc?

YANBU. If she only got him a card, then that's exactly what she'd be getting. And she could throw all the toys out of the pram and I'd not bat an eyelid.

There really is no defence from your MIL if (and I soooo would) you pose the question as to why you'd contribute anything other than a card.

fraserboysmum Mon 22-Oct-12 13:24:23

YANBU ~ I'm with DoIDare on this one

BonaDea Mon 22-Oct-12 13:26:24


Sounds like MIL is trying to make a fuss because SIL is on her own and living at home (at 40!?!) but there is no reason why you should be dragged into that!

To me, it's not even just the money, it's the idea you'd use your precious annual leave time to go away with your in laws. Ho ho ho. What a laugh.

ChaosTrulyReigns Mon 22-Oct-12 13:26:45


I think you should go on holiday with them.

It'd make for some grrat AIBUs fir our viewing pleasure.

ObiWan Mon 22-Oct-12 13:27:27

Your SIL is 40.

Really, it is quite all right to just say 'not this time thanks.'

Or, to pre-empt anything else of this sort, you could try saying

'Ha ha ha! You're kidding right? Don't you remember how the last holiday went? Never again! But we'll be sure to send a card on the day, DH still talks about the one you sent him.'

They might fall out with you. I wouldn't care too much about falling out with self-centred egomaniacal SILs though.

FlibberdeGibbet Mon 22-Oct-12 13:27:28

I find it bizarre when adults make a huge song and dance about their b-days.... FFS, it's not unique to them; we all have them!

YADNBU, you birthday-wrecker.... don't know how you can sleep at night grin

BlueberryHill Mon 22-Oct-12 13:27:31

What would happen if you pointed out to your ILs that both you and your DH 'just' got a card for your birthdays? Do they not see it?

cherrytomatoes Mon 22-Oct-12 13:29:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch Mon 22-Oct-12 13:29:41

Reply to mil by saying
'it is lovely that you want to organise a big gift. I am sure a break/holiday will be lovely. But SIL doesn't buy us gifts - didn't do so for either of our 40th birthdays - so we will just get her a card and perhaps a small token of the day. We would not dream of embaressing her by buying something extravagant or spending a lot of money. She would feel terrible and it would make her look really mean or possibly even selfish. We couldn't do that. Besides I know she would want us to spend any money we had available on a family holiday for her nephew/nieces. She knows it is hard for us to save for family holidays and she is so kind like that'

Shakey1500 Mon 22-Oct-12 13:31:44

Then send a card. Actually, send a crap card from the garage. One that screams "Little or no thought has gone into this card". Buy the cheapest one and leave the price on. And use a second class stamp grin

DuelingFanjo Mon 22-Oct-12 13:33:12

yanbu, I can't see what the problem is.
presumably your DH is on board?

ENormaSnob Mon 22-Oct-12 13:33:37

Oh god I love it pag grin

That is perfect.

cherrytomatoes Mon 22-Oct-12 13:35:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoshLyman Mon 22-Oct-12 13:36:16

YANBU but you know that.

How you tell them no depends on whether you want to fall out with them or not.

What does your DH think?

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood Mon 22-Oct-12 13:36:47

Pagwatch you are a evil genius
Tesco do some really nice 27p cards btw. Cheaper than the stamp grin

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