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To think dh should have some perspective?

(54 Posts)
Hidethecrisps Mon 22-Oct-12 00:36:22

First time in AIBU so please be gentle but honest....

Pretty annoyed with my dh but emotional and hormonal (38 weeks pregnant) so need to check if IABU.

Friday night my uncle passed away, he was in hospital seriously ill but everyone thought he had months if not years. My father (his brother) and my grandparents are of course heartbroken. I was not that close to him but am still devastated for my father, grandparents and cousin (who is in her 20s and has already lost her mum, so this is extra tragic). We were at my parents and then grandparents today, very emotional for everyone of course, felt drained and so sad for them.

When we came home my dh decided to work out our family budget, I'm pregnant with ds2 and we had been thinking we might need a bigger car. Dh works away in the week very long hours and was upset to see that we only have about 250 a month to put in savings/towards a new car (after taking out some money for disposable income).

I know he works really hard and has a point but I was so annoyed at his bad timing and lack of perspective! We are fit and healthy, can pay all our bills, are surrounded by loved ones, we have all the things that money can't buy. I just wanted to shake him! I am a SAHM at the moment and will go back to work in a year or 2 when it makes financial sense with childcare costs etc. so if this is the worst (touch wood) we're going to have it I think we are pretty damn lucky!

Could really have done with a bit of a cuddle/support this evening instead of dh feeling sorry for himself. So AIBU to be pissed off and in the spare room?

Hyperballad Mon 22-Oct-12 00:42:28

Sounds like one of those daft situations where there is just a bit of a misunderstanding, neither one of you is at fault, your just tired and fed up and emotional. So it seems more important than it is. You shouldn't be in the spare room!

Go find him and give him a hug and ask to make up, then you can both go to bed having cleared the air.

This is just not worth getting upset over.

mynewpassion Mon 22-Oct-12 00:44:52

I don't think either one of you are being unreasonable.

Yes, you are understandably still grieving and being emotional but maybe after spending all day being emotional, he needed something unemotional such as working out the budget.

beitou Mon 22-Oct-12 00:48:10

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ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 22-Oct-12 00:49:24

I'm very sorry to hear about your Uncle sad

I disagree with Hyper. I think YANBU - he is being an insensitive twat. His timing is SHIT and you are right to think that you are in an 'ok' position and very lucky in many ways.

Frankly, to be on one wage, paying all your bills, having disposable income and still having £250 a month 'spare' is pretty good in this economy - so he also needs a reality check!

I'd make the spare room very comfy & try to get some sleep x

mynewpassion Mon 22-Oct-12 00:51:18

beitou, ouch. A bit harsh but do I agree with your sentiments about life goes on. DH is just preparing for the new life that will be appearing in a few weeks after dealing all day grieving a lost life.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Mon 22-Oct-12 00:51:20

If I had £250 spare I would be throwing it in the air and rolling around in it!

<helpful>

beitou Mon 22-Oct-12 00:51:41

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ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 22-Oct-12 00:52:39

beitou - You never seem to have a nice or supportive word to say - why are you so angry and aggressive?

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 22-Oct-12 00:54:02

FGS Beitou - this is not 'some remote chap' it is her DAD'S BROTHER and she hurts for him and her cousin. Are you really that dense??

beitou Mon 22-Oct-12 00:54:22

Sorry nice word, cake. Happy now or should we all see the world as made out of little fluffy kittens and hold the poor little dears hands.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 22-Oct-12 00:54:33

and her Grandparents who have lost their son.

Hidethecrisps Mon 22-Oct-12 00:55:01

Thanks hyper and passion think my pregnancy hormones are not helping! Going to go give that hug now. thanks

Beitou, I'm not upset for myself but i think most people would find seeing their loved ones heart broken and sobbing uncontrolably very difficult, I don't think that makes me a madam but thanks for taking the time to reply.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 22-Oct-12 00:56:28

Yes - actually, we do 'hold the poor little dears hands' after they've spent a day with their parents, grandparents and cousin who have just lost their brother, son and father. Well, any of us who have a heart do.

beitou Mon 22-Oct-12 00:56:46

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ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 22-Oct-12 00:57:41

Hidethecrisps - try not to take some posts personally, some posters seem to be spending their entire time posting vile posts. Go cuddle your DH - even if he's an insensitive twat wink

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 22-Oct-12 00:59:12

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Hyperballad Mon 22-Oct-12 01:00:00

Beitou and Chipping! You guys are harsh!! Ouch!

beitou Mon 22-Oct-12 01:02:26

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beitou Mon 22-Oct-12 01:03:43

Sorry forgot to use capitals after all it is her DAD's BROTHER who she was not close to.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 22-Oct-12 01:07:27

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InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Mon 22-Oct-12 01:07:57

Fucking hell!

This escalated fast!

Aspiemum2 Mon 22-Oct-12 01:08:13

Wow, entirely unnecessary. She's 38 weeks pregnant and has had a highly emotional day. I'm not close to my uncle either but I am bloody close to my dad so if he was upset by something so significant as losing a brother than you can be damn sure I would be hurting on his behalf. It's only natural to empathise with those we're close to.
Totally uncalled for and downright nasty.

OP - you are being a bit unreasonable, if your dh is much like mine then he might just not get it. My dh is quite black and white and if someone died he knew I wasn't close to then he'd not expect me to be affected. Perhaps just tell him you need a hug tonight but will happily discuss finance tomorrow.

Hyperballad Mon 22-Oct-12 01:08:16

Wow Beitou, you are remarkable.

MadameDefarge Mon 22-Oct-12 01:12:41

beitou i think you need some fresh air. and perhaps some black coffee.

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