Borrowing Money

[whatthehell27]

What do you think on this one?

My sister andher dh both work but are rubbish with money. Always getting into debt. Often asking my mum to bail them out. They dont live a particularly lavish lifestyle but do go on lots of holidays.

Last year my mum lent them ?1500 and they have not pad any of it back despite going on several holidays.

Well the lastest this weekend is they have not being paying the mortgage so are beig threatened with repossion - goes to court next week.

They have asked my mum to lend them the money - mum has gone mad by all accounts shouting and carrying on at them, but has agreed to pay it.

My sis is upset that mum has had a go at her and brought up every mistake she has evr made in her life. I think my is wasting her breathe but sis needs to eat some humble pie and if mum wants to scream and shout if she wants to money she has to listen to it.

What do you think?

[ENormaSnob]

I think your mum is daft to lend the money.

Your sister needs to grow the fuck up.

[MagicHouse]

I think really that your mum should stop screaming and shouting and refuse to lend the money! Sounds like your sister needs to start taking responsibility for her spending. Your mum isn't doing herself or your sister any favours by bailing her out every time she gets into debt, and it certainly doesn't sound as if your sister appreciates her in any way.

[WorraLiberty]

I honestly think it's their business. It's between your Mum and them.

Yes, it sounds as though they're behaving disgracefully and your Mum is enabling that.

But to be honest, things like this are private in my family. I have no idea if my siblings have borrowed from my parents or how much.

It's always kept private as I think it should be.

[aldiwhore]

Your Mum is U for telling you anything at all. Your sis is U for using the 'bank of parent' so freely. You are NBU at all to be wholeheartedly pissed off, but you shouldn't even know about it, and that leads back to your mum (and also sis if she tells you).

My parents have lent 'us' money over the years and though we do pay it back, my sister and brother have NO IDEA how much is involved or what it was for. Likewise, I know my brother has needed my parents' support over the years, but I do not know the details. My parents have the philosophy that they can't see any of us in a mess if they can help, BUT they don't have a bottomless pit and have also intstilled in us the need to only ever ask when all other options have proved fruitless, and also, we settle one debt before requesting another.

I do know, from first hand experience, that if any loan they make us will scupper our own efforts to get out of that debt cycle, they meet with their solicitor to make sure that on their departure from this earth, we still get even amongst us. (Which has enabled us - and probably my brother - to get out of a mess AND get far enough away from it - to not have to ask them too frequently). This relies on everyone's effort and conscience to work... and my mum has confided that there's only so much money in the 'child debt' pot... that we all see it as a private matter, one that requires us to be respectful, and do the right thing.

Anyhoo. Your mum is at fault here for not thinking the whole thing through and being a soft touch, it will only breed resentment. Your sister is at fault (partially) for taking advantage of the 'Bank of Parent' knowing she'll get away with it. YANBU, but repeat the Monkey Mantra "Hear no evil... etc" because you should not know these details. It will only wind you up. Take pride in not being the same.

Ultimately though, you're piggy in the middle. I feel for you. Your mum and sister are equally unreasonable on many levels.