Ex and I are sorting contact for the half terms, xmas etc. We are in the middle of a pretty nasty dispute at the min and are currently corresponding through solicitors, but I still need to confirm dates etc... with him briefly. He always does the picks ups and drop offs, and has never disputed this even though he makes snidy remarks. He has her twice a week.
Tonight he responded to the email ( two days after I sent it) confirming his dates, but out on the end of it ' as agreed in our telephone call on thursday, you will come to collect dd from me at xxxx time.
I agreed to nothing of the sort and it simply did not come up in this conversation. He lives 17 miles away, which isn't a long way away especially and have collected her loads of times before, but what I resent here is being told to do it in this way and telling a blatant lie like this. He worded it in such a way that I have to be careful with my response.
Do I ignore that and just collect her, or stand up to him? I don't want any more arguments are things are already fragile. Also, I suspect if I don't collect her then he will just keep her. It feels like bullying though, to put words in my mouth like this. AIBU?
no it isnt hard at all to collect her, I just resent the blantant lie about something we literally never even discussed. Leaving a paper trail ( email) of things I've apparently agreed to but haven't is another method of bullying he seems to have employed. He always does the collections and drops since he left, it was just assumed I guess.
I think dont rise to it. Is it convenient for you to collect her then? If so do (you could mention maybe that you dont recall a time being arranged during the conversation, but as it happens it isnt a problem), if not send a polite e-mail back along the lines of 'an exact time was not set during our phone conversation, however I will be happy to pick up DD at xxxx'. Making it as close as you reasonably can to the time. He sounds like he's trying to get a rise out of you. He is BU, but its time to be the bigger person. To be honest, although he's being a twat about getting it changed, theres no reason he should always be the one to pick her up. Once weekly wont hurt you. It is annoying being lied to though, that would rile me. But its intended to rile you, and the best revenge is not to be bothered about it.
Thanks for the response. To be honest, he left the family, so I tend to think he should do all the collecting, although I guess thats maybe another discussion. I think I will just go and collect her and take your advice about not rising to it. i will let him know in a response though that I know he is gaslighting me, but not in so many words(!)