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To feel this resentful

(11 Posts)
skyblue11 Sun 21-Oct-12 13:41:06

Basically my in laws have been the most unsupportive people over the last 16 years. When my DH was ill they didn't help. In fact we were told that should something happen to us to make plans for DD as they had their retirement to think of - how harsh is that.
Recently my DH has been speaking more and kinda made up, just in time as my MIL is ill. Now he's running to their every request and I'm annoyed at him.
I feel resentful that they never helped us and now he's helping them.
How can I stop feeling so bitter about it?

Mrsjay Sun 21-Oct-12 13:42:46

You have to remember they are his parents and he loves them , I know it doesn't seem right but you just need to accept it ,

ladymariner Sun 21-Oct-12 13:46:50

You can't, tbh, but I do get totally where you're coming from. My inlaws have been total arses over the years yet my dh still refuses to hear a word against them. I've learnt not to bother moaning to him about them, at the end of the day they're his parents and he loves them, so that's that. He does what he does with them, and I'm civil when we meet, and that seems to suit us.

skyblue11 Sun 21-Oct-12 13:56:37

lady I'm with you in this, glad it's not just me.

I just can't help it, she was so spiteful at one bit and now she's ill they expect me to feel different, I can't!

mutny Sun 21-Oct-12 13:59:07

Think of it as supporting your dh, not them.

His mother is ill. Regardless of what else she is, she is his mother. That means something to your dh, even if it didn't to them.

Mrsjay Sun 21-Oct-12 13:59:47

you don't have to feel different 'sky' you honestly don't but you sort of need to accept it, my MIl has been gone 12 years and she was difficult and demanding but I when she was ill I couldn't show any resentment towards her because she didn't have anybody else except her son, her other son sent money and no help, I just had to suck it up,

skyblue11 Sun 21-Oct-12 14:05:15

I can't help feel mad towards DH doesn't he remember how unhelpful they've been?
I just think it'd serve them right if he turned his back as they have done to us when we needed their help.

skyblue11 Sun 21-Oct-12 14:06:02

I kinda think 'you reap what you sow'....

DeckSwabber Sun 21-Oct-12 14:40:28

I do sympathise, but if you want to overcome your feelings you could consider that by treating your in-laws well you are setting a good example to your daughter.

Mrsjay Sun 21-Oct-12 14:46:53

But she is his mum I am not sure how serious your husband illness was and of course you felt unsupported by them , we do some strange things for our parents even if we don't get on ,

MamaBear17 Sun 21-Oct-12 19:20:13

Totally get where you are coming from, but it is his mum. Sometimes, even when they have completely wronged you, you cant help but go out of your way for your parents. I'm certain a shrink would have a field day with the psychology. It isn't rational but you just cant help it. I think you need to try and support your DH, it must be hard for him too.

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