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To want this mum to get her comeupance

(217 Posts)
Tryingtobenice Sun 21-Oct-12 13:14:03

Ok so IABU and I don't really want there to be any impact as that would mean her baby is unhappy but...

WIBU to want to stamp my foot a bit and tantrum 'it's not fair!'?

I have ebf on demand, very much baby driven parenting, carrying her everywhere because she doesn't much like being put down (screams if you try). She is in a side of bed cot or our bed each night. I've done all I can to meet her needs so she doesn't scream the house down is happy and secure.

My friend has instilled a routine at 2 weeks, night weaned/ sleep trained from 8 weeks and has had her in her own room from 12 weeks.

The outcome just seems so unfair.

My baby is lovely, very alert and lively and is happy most of the time, but we still have to keep her entertained fairly labour intensively and she hasn't slept for more than 3 hours at a stretch in 5 months.

Friend's baby could be an advert for Gina Ford. Content, calm, sleeps through. She wakes up at 5am but "we just leave her to chat to herself until 7"!

If i left my DD for more than 10 mins we would be at defcon 1, full screaming, real tears, purple face.

2 different parents, 2 different babies, 2 different approaches and 2 different outcomes.

What if i listened to the wrong advice? What if I have 'made a rod for my own back'?

AIBU to even just a little bit hope that friend's DD is a really badly behaved, insecure nuisance as a todler?

STBBilly Sun 21-Oct-12 13:16:42

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YABU. Stop comparing. Your baby is different to her baby. If you want to establish a routine then establish one. But stop griping about someone elses parenting choices.

And I dont know why you would wish someones child to be badly behaved. Thats just weird and nasty. The resentment you are harbouring is really only affecting you.

CailinDana Sun 21-Oct-12 13:17:52

YAB seriously U to hope that even a little bit. Very mean.

Your friend is lucky. She has an amenable baby who responds to routine. You don't. That's just the way it worked out. You could have a dream second baby who sleeps through the night, she could have a constant screamer. Again, just luck.

Do what you can to get through and don't waste energy on being jealous or wishing ill upon others. You have a healthy DD, enjoy her as much as you can.

catgirl1976 Sun 21-Oct-12 13:18:04

YABU. I think / hope you know that

TubbyDuffs Sun 21-Oct-12 13:19:03

My first was like yours, my second was like your friend's.

I probably did parent them differently, as with my second it wasn't always possible to pick him up when he wanted. However, they are both different personalities, and second child is a much more chilled out child.

All children are different.

sooperdooper Sun 21-Oct-12 13:19:12

God don't be do bitter, it's not 'unfair' at all, you both made different choices, and have different situations

mellowcat Sun 21-Oct-12 13:19:42

I can see how you are frustrated but please don't wish insecurity on a child.

LordEmsworth Sun 21-Oct-12 13:19:54

"Getting your comeuppance" means to get the punishment you deserve. Why does your friend need to be punished exactly?

All babies are different, yours is who she is, don't beat yourself up because you'd prefer an "easier" baby...

squeakytoy Sun 21-Oct-12 13:20:38

very much baby driven parenting, carrying her everywhere because she doesn't much like being put down (screams if you try). She is in a side of bed cot or our bed each night. I've done all I can to meet her needs so she doesn't scream the house down is happy and secure

You do sound a bit of a martyr... no child ever came to any harm from being left to scream for a short time.. she will not suffer if you put her down and get on with things...

we still have to keep her entertained fairly labour intensively

no, you really dont... you chose to..

Tuttutitlookslikerain Sun 21-Oct-12 13:20:52

YABU and bitchy. You made your choice as did she, stick to it or change!

applecrumple Sun 21-Oct-12 13:21:18

Op, your little one sounds just like mine! Remember, babies that are BF are very difficult to set into a routine - is your friends baby FF or BF? Every baby is different & I don't think you've made a rod for your own back, you've just done what you think is right for your baby & isn't that what being a parent is all about? Fwiw, my dd sleeps in a bedside cot (or on me)

SchrodingersMew Sun 21-Oct-12 13:22:11

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headinhands Sun 21-Oct-12 13:22:12

It's not a just world. Did you honestly live long enough to be a mother but still think life is fair??

MaureenMLove Sun 21-Oct-12 13:22:21

Well, you know ubu, so that's a start! wink

You are doing what is right for you and your baby and that's all that matters. DD spent an awful lot of time in our bed and my evenings were a compete waste of time for what seemed like years, because she wouln't go to sleep unless she was on our bed, with me. I missed so many social evenings, lying on the bed with her for hours, but it was the only way.

It really wasn't years though, it was probably only 6 months.

The only advice I ever give to new parents is, 'do what's right for you!' I didn't read books or take much advice from anyone and I have a perfectly happy, well rounded 17 year old now.

Your friend WILL have issues with her lo as some point. And if she says she doesn't, she's lying! grin

Hang in there. It's not forever. smile

LST Sun 21-Oct-12 13:22:48

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missymoomoomee Sun 21-Oct-12 13:23:02

YABU and really rather nasty. Don't say that to anyone in rl or you won't have to worry about your friends choices, you won't have any friends to compare choices with.

FatherHankTree Sun 21-Oct-12 13:23:03

I can slightly understand you feeling pissed off, as sleep deprivation can make you feel uncharitable, but don't wish your friend's DD to become badly behaved.

My DD needed hardly any sleep as a baby, it's just the way she is.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sun 21-Oct-12 13:23:20

What a horrible post!

You want to shout 'Its not fair' when you are lucky enough to have a happy, healthy, lively alert baby?

What planet are you on?

I think you are perhaps a ickle bit jealous. this is normal. I would advise to stop comparing before your friend discovers how greeneyed you are.

AnyaKnowIt Sun 21-Oct-12 13:25:21

YABU, my dd was like yours and no way would I wish a screamer on anyone.

UnrequitedSkink Sun 21-Oct-12 13:26:38

Tbh, I used to think that baby led parenting was the reason why my own babies were contented little souls, but I've now got over myself and realised that essentially it doesn't matter if you're a hippy dippy baby wearer or the complete opposite - the baby's personality is what will dictate how 'easy' they are to manage.

I've also learned that what seems massively important right now will be completely irrelevant in a couple of months when you've moved on to another developmental stage, and your child may start nursery like a dream while hers screams and clings, or yours may have difficulty learning to read while hers is spouting biff and chip. It all passes.

Goldmandra Sun 21-Oct-12 13:27:46

This has very little to do with parenting styles and a lot to do with personalities. My first baby was just like yours and my second baby (born 6 years later) was like your friend's.

I was just as available to my second DD because DD1 was so much older and DD2 spent the first month attached to me 24/7 because she was unable to regulate her own body temperature.

When DD1 was tiny she drove me to distraction and I had a lovely friend whose baby was like your friend's. When they reached 4 my DD was an angel and her DS was a nightmare to manage.

Swings and roundabouts.

You have absolutely not made rod for your own back.

lieback Sun 21-Oct-12 13:29:16

YABU and nasty. I like routines, all of my (ebf hmm) babies were in a routine from a few weeks old, all slept well, all were calm. Will your life really be better if my dcs are badly behaved insecure nuisances? You do what you want with your baby and be as martyrish as you want but let other people do what they want too.

TandB Sun 21-Oct-12 13:29:18

Get her comeupance for what exactly?

For daring to have an easy baby? For having the utter nerve to find a routine that works for her? For having the temerity to get more sleep than you?

It is not her fault that your baby doesn't sleep through, or is high-needs.

I BFed on demand, co-slept, used a sling, had no routine, responded to any crying etc etc. DS1 slept through securely from 7 weeks and was an incredibly relaxed baby who rarely cried and entertained himself quite happily. DS2 wasn't quite such a dream, but was still pretty easy and reasonable at sleeping.

Would you like me to get my comeupance for getting better outcomes than you for the same approach?

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