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is it really rude to tell people what to get DS for xmas?

(20 Posts)
lola88 Sun 21-Oct-12 10:39:02

Is it? he's only 8mo so i don't think he needs much apart from clothes he has lots of toys already so i was thinking of asking family only to get him 1 toys if they want to buy toys if they want to buy more could it be clothes or maybe a nice book.

My dad especially is well known for flashing the cash at xmas last year DN got a nintendo DS with 3 games clothes and various other things monster high dolls and the like she was 4 at the time, now she's 5 and he is getting her and xbox kinect (the whole thing consol and kinect and games) and he doesn't know what else!

Is it really rude and ungratefull to ask this? I just don't see the point in people spending a fortune on toys for a baby when he will prob not get much use out of them (DN certainly doesn't play with half her mountain of toys every year) I'm buying i'm a bounce and spin Zebra, a little football and maybe 1 other thing.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Sun 21-Oct-12 10:43:43

YABU to tell them but it's fine to have a list of things for when they ask fur suggestions.

maddening Sun 21-Oct-12 11:01:25

If they ask I will - have to have a think and come back to them

mirry2 Sun 21-Oct-12 11:04:18

Only if they ask. I love choosing presents and it takes a bit of the gloss off if I'm told what to get. However my sil likes to be told what to get.

eBook Sun 21-Oct-12 11:18:10

If anyone asks what he might like, it's fine to make a couple of suggestions for them to choose from, although it's also fine if they don't like the suggestions and still get a surprise.

Not fine for you to suggest if they haven't asked, though.

Rowgtfc72 Sun 21-Oct-12 11:18:17

Dd is 5 and not really into toys so we have suggested to grandparents that they pay towards swimming lessons and can get her a small gift or selection box as well if they feel the need to wrap something. I pre-empted them as they ask every year what she will want. And I hate waste !

AuntieStella Sun 21-Oct-12 11:23:21

If you are asked what the DC would like, it's only sensible to have an answer.

If it's someone you are very close to, and there is an overwhelming expectation that will be giving a present (like GPs), then a pre-emptive strike is harmless if done very tactfully.

But it tips over into perceived grabbiness all too easily, so in general is a bad idea.

Floggingmolly Sun 21-Oct-12 11:23:41


DontmindifIdo Sun 21-Oct-12 11:25:20

you could suggest that you don't have a lot of storage room and request they don't get big gifts for DS, or you could use my "difficult PIL" trick when 'handling' my parents, word it as "Dad, I'm really worried about PIL wanting to get really big and impractial things for DS for christmas. They seem to want to buy things that will take up tonnes of space that we don't have, that DS won't be ready to play with for nearly a year so I'm going to have to find somewhere for it all for a year. Do you think it would be really rude of me to ask them to buy him somehting small and then clothes? We really need more clothes for him and that would be a big help, not stuff I've got to house. How would you word it dad? Would you be upset if I said something like that to you?" wink

HeinousHecate Sun 21-Oct-12 11:27:21

Oh yes, it's really rude to tell them.

If they ask, then it's not rude to say that's really kind of you, you don't have to get him anything, but if you did want to, then X would be lovely.

But you can't just go up to someone, say hi there, lovely weather isn't it, by the way, get my son X for christmas.


ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 21-Oct-12 11:27:46

YWBU to tell them what to get, YWNBU to ask them not to buy much/anything if you only have a small house etc.

However, is it really a problem? GP's etc love to buy things - if they can afford it and get pleasure out of it, have a good think about if you really want to deprive them of that pleasure... life is short, sometimes suprisingly so & it's not worth upsetting people over things that aren't important.

HeinousHecate Sun 21-Oct-12 11:27:54

ooh, dontmindifIdo - that's really good! grin

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sun 21-Oct-12 11:28:50

If they don't ask for suggestions, it's rude. If they ask you, then go for it.

seeker Sun 21-Oct-12 11:30:29


WitchOfEndor Sun 21-Oct-12 11:36:55

Not if they ask for guidance. My DM asked what to get for DS the last two years. The first year she asked and I sent her a link to the pressie ( about £15) and she bought something completely different. The next year she asked and I told her what it was and offered to get it to save her having to travel with it. This year she has told me she is getting DS shoes! TBH I don't really mind because DS won't care either way!

Kalisi Sun 21-Oct-12 11:48:47

It's rude to tell people if they don't ask and it's rude to give a specific item. Apart from that I see no problem in giving suggestions ( or anti- suggestions as in please no big/noisy/ messy/ any toys!! grin)

lovebunny Sun 21-Oct-12 11:50:53

hmm. instinct says 'its helpful, so tell them'.
but they might feel you're saying 'you must get ds this'. which would be unfortunate.
you could say to people 'i could give you some hints if you like...'

MrsHoarder Sun 21-Oct-12 12:00:43

It sounds as though you have our "problem" of an overly generous grandparent. Fortunately we have the first grandchild so are able to have a chat. The line we took was that we wanted the relationship DS to have with his GP to be one of playing/stories rather than large quantities of material possessions.

You do however have the additional complication of cousins which means if they are getting lots more presents than your DC this may be awkward in 5 years time.

So unless your siblings agree and you all want to talk to your DF about whether he would rather be the GF who taught chess/took them to wave at trains etc then you may just have to smile and say thank you.

aldiwhore Sun 21-Oct-12 12:19:13

I have the opposite problem, my family expect me to tell them exactly what to buy... this creates a shed load of stress for me to be honest, finding gifts from DH and I is hard enough, plus I have to make sure that the gifts are in a certain price range for certain people.

YABU to make suggestions, but make sure they're well within people's budgets... OR (as I am doing this year) request vouchers, do not GIVE the vouchers to your DC, instead you can go out, buy whatever you want, wrap it and give the gift to your DC from the person who's donated. So far it's working well for me, just keep a list of who's given what. Already half my family are very supportive of this scheme as it saves masses on postage.

There will always be someone in your life who either wants to buy a gift themselves, or wants to buy a specific gift that you don't approve of, in which case, let them, but in the main I think most people are grateful for not having to think too hard!

applecrumple Sun 21-Oct-12 12:42:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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