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Friend told my DH to be quiet

(169 Posts)
FattyMa Sat 20-Oct-12 14:53:57

So we were at the wedding reception of a friend I've known for a long time. Her cousin started playing the guitar and singing. My DH was being introduced to some of the people he hadn't met before and naturally there was a bit of good humoured banter going on. Wasn't even aware DH was being "loud" but bride marched over and says "Can you not talk just now!" to DH then marched off. DH was offended as I was and was wanting to leave initially but he calmed down.

To be fair she explained herself later on and told us that her cousin has apsergers and she didn't want him to be put off by the noise. If she had told us that at the time we would have understood a bit better but AIBU to have been pissed off with her for this? I mean ffs I would be delighted if my friends were having a good time getting to know each other and would never dream of speaking to my guests like that. If she wanted silence whilst her cousin was playing she should have announced it.

valiumredhead Sat 20-Oct-12 14:56:07

I think your dh should learn some manners and keep quiet when someone is playing. He was obviously being too loud or she wouldn't have told him to shut up.

difficultpickle Sat 20-Oct-12 14:58:31

Are you sure she didn't mean the group, of which your dh was part? Sounds to me as if your dh and group were being very rude to be talking loudly when someone is performing.

CwtchesAndCuddles Sat 20-Oct-12 14:59:20


Very bad manners to talk over someone playing and singing! You shouldn't need to be told to be quiet. I can't believe you are complaining!!!

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 20-Oct-12 14:59:47

yabu. its extreamly rude to talk during a performance, everybody knows that you shouldnt need telling.

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 20-Oct-12 15:00:09

Very rude to talk when someone is playing.
Aspergers or not.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 20-Oct-12 15:00:15

It sounds as if she handled it really badly, I can understand why you were both offended. Still, I'd put it down to wedding day stress and not give it anoher thought.

Maybe if she had 'announced it' it would have put her cousin off playing? Who knows, but try to think about it anymore and see how it goes.

BackOnceAgainWithLoopyLoops Sat 20-Oct-12 15:01:12

You are absolutely being very unreasonable.

Lueji Sat 20-Oct-12 15:02:04

I'm sure she didn't want to add to the noise by giving a full explanation, which would make her cousin even more upset by seeing her talking to people.

Even if you were not aware, maybe your DH was particularly loud. I'm sure you have got used to his voice by now.

And she explained afterwards. She probably got a bit wound up and nervous with the whole think.

Jusfloatingby Sat 20-Oct-12 15:02:47

There seems to have been fault on both sides, really. Yes, people shouldn't talk when someone is performing but the bride should have asked politely. Mind you, she did explain herself afterwards so I would just let it go, OP.

SauvignonBlanche Sat 20-Oct-12 15:02:59

YABU, very bad manners.

JeezyOrangePips Sat 20-Oct-12 15:03:48

She was rude.

Was the cousin mic'd up? If someone is playing in another part of thd room without an announcement, and your attention is elsewhere it would be entirely possible nog to notice straightaway.

And I've never been to a wedding where people don't talk, even when there is music.

FattyMa Sat 20-Oct-12 15:04:13

yeah I guess it was some wedding day nerves it was her day after all, I guess we were just taken aback as we weren't aware we were being loud. But on t he other hand why should others be subjected to sit there in silence.

FrustratedSycamoreBonks Sat 20-Oct-12 15:04:18

Yabu. The bride had to tell him to be quiet. She has every right to, it is her wedding day! Damn right dh should be ashamed.

Longdistance Sat 20-Oct-12 15:04:18

Yabu. That was ill mannered to be so loud when someone was playing, and people were listening.
The bride probably spent a lot of time organizing the wedding, and music for people to enjoy. Your dh could have waited til after the music to be rowdy.

FattyMa Sat 20-Oct-12 15:05:52

thanks Jeezy - you got it spot on. The cousin wasn't mic'd up and he was playing right at the other end of the room so we didn't initially realise any performing was going on.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 20-Oct-12 15:06:32

big difference between music that is intended to be a background or disco than music that is a performance

difficultpickle Sat 20-Oct-12 15:07:21

FattyMa have you ever been to a concert? If you have did you talk loudly during it? If you did I'm surprised others around you didn't tell you to shut up.

Unless you are 5 you shouldn't need to be told to be quiet when others are performing, it should be obvious if you have manners.

ZombTEE Sat 20-Oct-12 15:07:23

"But on t he (sic) other hand why should others be subjected to sit there in silence."

Because someone was performing and when someone is performing you shut your mouth and listen?

Man, my 3 year old knows that!

JeezyOrangePips Sat 20-Oct-12 15:08:23

Apologies for my appalling typing, glad you got the gist.

At least she realised that she needed to explain, but it was rude.

troubador Sat 20-Oct-12 15:09:06

"But on t he other hand why should others be subjected to sit there in silence."

Because that's the polite thing to do?

Were you the only people talking or did she ask others to be quiet?

And wanting to leave because of it sounds very weird to me.

ENormaSnob Sat 20-Oct-12 15:09:26


I didn't realise there had to be silence during someone playing at a wedding. Speeches yes but not music surely.

QuickLookBusy Sat 20-Oct-12 15:10:29

It's very rude to talk over someone who's just started playing or singing. Fair enough if they'd been at it for half an hour but you said "had just started playing".

After saying that the bride could have been more polite, but I expect she would have felt nervous on behalf of her cousin. And you say the bride should have warned you her cousin had Aspergers, what did you expect her to do? Announce it over the microphone confused

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 20-Oct-12 15:11:35

enorma you didnt realise that its rude to talk during a performance?


FattyMa Sat 20-Oct-12 15:11:55

Ok I'm taking on board the comments. Just at the time we were pissed off, I still think the way she said it was off. Oh she's a school teacher btw so is used to telling other to be quiet I guess!

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