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To wonder what is the point of 'renewing your vows'?

(77 Posts)
dolcelatte Sat 20-Oct-12 08:08:19

I recently went to see Hope Springs - Meryl Streep excellent as ever (although I now see her as Margaret Thatcher which distracted me slightly!) but the film was touching, poignant and well acted. However, I thought the ending was a bit contrived, albeit provided a 'feel good' factor when the middle aged couple reconnnected with each other and renewed their vows.

Nevertheless, given that the vows are 'until death us do part' and/or otherwise intended to be on a permanent basis, it does seem to me to be somewhat illogical to 'renew' them, in the way you would renew say a car or a washing machine.

Has anyone done this and, if so, why - for example had you broken your vows or did you just feel that you wanted to make a duplicate public (or private) gesture of commitment?

FolkGhoul Sat 20-Oct-12 08:10:58

I don't know. It's not something I would be bothered doing but I know my husband probably would.

He said it's about showing that you're still together because you want to be and reminding yourselves of why that is, rather than just still being together because neither of you has a big enough motivation to leave!

Sparklingbrook Sat 20-Oct-12 08:13:40

Self indulgence and showing off that you are still together. Then getting some more presents.

Katienana Sat 20-Oct-12 08:14:58

It's an excuse for a party. I guess it would be nice if something bad had happened like an affai, the renewal would be abway.of moving forward.
My grandparents in a church service for their 50th anniversary, still have the mass booklet.

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea Sat 20-Oct-12 08:16:08

Smacks of self indulgence to me.
I would not attend one if invited.
I know someone who did it, and they divorced the following year shock

diddl Sat 20-Oct-12 08:17:03

It´s something I´d thought about for when we get to 25yrs.

But if we did it would just be us & our children.

Doubt either of us will get around to arranging anything, though.

nooka Sat 20-Oct-12 08:34:59

dh wants to do this. I was very touched when he suggested it. We've had some serious issues over the past few years and come through them stronger and like the idea of inviting a group of our friends to a beautiful place and really just being a bit soppy grin To me it's an opportunity to say how much you love and appreciate your partner with a few witnesses perhaps (might just be us for that bit). Plus an excuse for a party (no interest in presents though).

I guess also for us our wedding was totally organised by my parents (and stressful with it) and I like the idea of having a ceremony of sorts just the way we choose. I don't know if we'll actually get around to it mind!

I don't love my car or washing machine, and buy new ones quite regularly so I'm not sure it's the best analogy really.

Diarydilemmas Sat 20-Oct-12 08:41:42

I went to a renewal of wedding vows recently.

I know I need to word this carefully to avoid flaming for ignorance...the groom is a transvestite. His wife, my friend, wanted to acknowledge that part of his life. He has another name he uses when he is dressed as a woman. Their renewal was done with them both dressed in bridal gowns and they exchanged items of jewellery as a symbol of acceptance and commitment to their ongoing relationship.

Obviously this is a very unusual situation.

I think any renewal of vows is a lovely sentiment. I've been to a few and have never felt the need to take anything other than a card. It's certainly not been done for the sake of getting presents in my experience.

JeezyOrangePips Sat 20-Oct-12 08:45:47

The only wedding vow renewals I'm aware of locally is when the couple have come out the other side of a difficult time. I think it's quite sweet.

I'm not so keen on the renewing every year think that Heidi klum and seal did, before they split.

sassytheFIRST Sat 20-Oct-12 08:48:59

My parents renewed theirs as my mum was dying. Just us children and the vicar who came to the house as mum was so poorly.

For them it was a chance to restate their utter love and commitment, and a little joy in the midst of a very hard time for us all.

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 20-Oct-12 08:53:46

Sassy, that has made me cry, what a beautiful thing to do.


HippieHop Sat 20-Oct-12 08:59:10

I do think it's a lovely thing to do- relationships/people can change so much over time I think it can be nice to reflect and celebrate your marriage in this way. I personally would want it to be a more private and personal affair, but I had a small wedding originally.

HippieHop Sat 20-Oct-12 09:01:50

Sassy, how special for your parents and for you to see them do this x

VolumeOfACone Sat 20-Oct-12 09:06:40

If you've been through a hard time, and perhaps split, it's a nice idea I think.

VolumeOfACone Sat 20-Oct-12 09:07:43

Wait, I meant perhaps come close to splitting up.

CwtchesAndCuddles Sat 20-Oct-12 09:17:03

You don't "renew" vows you "reafirm" - vows do not expire.

EdgarAllanPond Sat 20-Oct-12 09:20:37

i think it's a great idea. i'd love to do it to have a big party i can really enjoy instead of having a pobby 1 yo baby and being 4 months pg like i was for my wedding.

and this time i'd be having a dress made for me too.

I went to a family one a couple of years ago, the couple had come through a hard time in the last few years (child very seriously injured, unemployment) and also had realised that the extended family meant a lot to them but had all drifted apart over the years (we live all over the country). It was lovely. No presents, no dressing up, the "bride" wore jeans.

Sparklingbrook Sat 20-Oct-12 09:32:53

Initially I had envisaged pointless renewing after 10 years type thing. Obviously if there has been a life changing event then that is different-it actually means something.

TomsBentPinky Sat 20-Oct-12 09:36:19

Id like to do this as i had a big awful completly shite wedding that I cringe at the memory of ... but love my DH and would like a day i think back on with fondness. a very quiet, personal day.

Doubt we will get round to it but DH wouls like it too.

mutny Sat 20-Oct-12 10:01:24

We are renewing next year. A few years ago we split up. We got back together and have another dc and feel the need yo recommit. Its like a different marriage.
Before the split we were arguing alot and generally unhappy. We were going to get divorced but realised we did live each other and just let all the crap get in the way.
We had some counselling and have worked hard and are he genuinely happy. Its almost like I am married to someone different.
We are going abroad with just dc and no one else even knows we have planned it. Its for us, just us. No one else.
I don't really get why someone would be bothered about a couple doing something for themselves.

dolcelatte Sat 20-Oct-12 16:49:35

I have nothing against 'renewing'/reaffirming vows and I can see why some would do it, especially if they had been through a rough patch.

Gimblinginthewabe Sat 20-Oct-12 16:52:06

I'd like to have one because we had a small wedding, when we reach a major milestone anniversary (and are hopefully richer) I'd love to have a big bash.

Gimblinginthewabe Sat 20-Oct-12 16:53:29

(And I was pregnant so knackered)

Kewcumber Sat 20-Oct-12 16:53:47

not marreid and never been to a renewing of vows but was gobsmacked to be invited to (and attended) a "re-baptism" of an adult friend.

Does being baptised wear off then? I'd never heard of it before (or since)

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