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to enlist the help of DD (16) with DS(13) choice of

(21 Posts)
chocoluvva Sat 20-Oct-12 00:04:46

clothes? So he's confident that he looks cool and will have the clothes that give the impression he wants to give.

AgentZigzag Sat 20-Oct-12 00:07:19

Why wouldn't you ask her? confused

chocoluvva Sat 20-Oct-12 00:13:35

I'm very grateful for her. She gives him great advice about things like how to clean his face and manage his spots.
Sometimes I think I might be giving him the message that he ought to consult his DSis to make sure he looks acceptable rather than wear whatever he feels like.

usualsuspect3 Sat 20-Oct-12 00:15:05

I think he should wear what he likes TBH.

usualsuspect3 Sat 20-Oct-12 00:16:11

My DS wouldn't take any notice of what his big sister said, they have completely different tastes in clothes.

AgentZigzag Sat 20-Oct-12 00:18:56

She might give him ideas, but it'd be up to him what advice he takes on.

Everyone needs advice sometimes or you end up looking like a twat and not knowing <judging on old photos, that'd be me then grin>

WorraLiberty Sat 20-Oct-12 00:22:04

What exactly is 'acceptable' when it comes to looks? confused

Why does anyone in your family feel the need to 'enlist help' over anyone's personal attire?

<< Not getting this >>

usualsuspect3 Sat 20-Oct-12 00:22:10

You have to look like a twat in your teenage years, it's the law grin

<remembers bright yellow loon pants>

chocoluvva Sat 20-Oct-12 00:22:58

Left to his own devices he'd wear clothes that are too small and odd combinations.
Before he started secondary school I suggested that he ask DD what's commonly worn for PE etc in case he was the only one wearing shorts or something and felt embarrassed.
He seems to value DD's judgement about clothes.

usualsuspect3 Sat 20-Oct-12 00:24:42

Well if he's ok with her input, then theres no problem

WorraLiberty Sat 20-Oct-12 00:28:00

Of course he values your DD's judgement about clothes

You after all 'suggested' he might feel 'embarrassed' if he didn't ask her what's commonly worn?

He would have been what...11yrs old when you put that idea into his head for him?

I have to ask, were clothes/image an issue in your own childhood and do you think you might be projecting here?

I have 3 sons and to be honest, what other people think of their clothing is so low down their list of priorities, it doesn't register.

They just have other things they'd much rather focus on.

AgentZigzag Sat 20-Oct-12 00:30:25

Judging what to wear when you're younger comes down to looking at what other people wear and picking out the bits that are for you.

Your DD being older might give him some ideas about what older lads are wearing (and I've seen three lads today with trousers hanging down their arse showing their kegs hmm so maybe not that one) and therefore be 'cooler' (I'm too old to say that as regular speech) than the other 13 YOs.

I've never been one to break the law knowingly usual grin <shamed by memory of wishing white cotton dungarees were yellow instead>

chocoluvva Sat 20-Oct-12 00:33:36

No worra, I didn't suggest that DS would be embarrassed if he was in a minority of shorts-wearers or whatever, but I strongly suspected that he would be embarrassed, knowing him as well as I do.
No issue with clothes at all. I lived in a remote place where we had just the two clothes shops and everyone ordered clothes from the Littlewoods catalogue grin
I was delighted to get my cousins hand me downs until I grew taller than her - shame.

WorraLiberty Sat 20-Oct-12 00:39:15

But the most important thing imo when judging what you want to wear at a young age, is that it's your choice.

You should never be made to feel that your parents care that much to be honest.

I used to smile when my Mum disapproved of my clothes because that made me know I was trendy (DD of an old fashioned Irish Catholic Mum Lol)

But if she'd ever sowed the seed in my head that I should feel 'embarrassed' over not wearing something that's commonly worn in PE...well I think I would have seen her and most importantly (at that age) me in a completely different light.

Let kids be kids. Don't tell them what you think they should be wearing to be 'cool'.

Perhaps they're not that shallow and don't actually care about looking 'cool'.

WorraLiberty Sat 20-Oct-12 00:41:22

X posted cos I took a pee half way through blush

But seriously, he's a child. He doesn't need to feel as though any superficial choices mean that much.

Just let him do his own thing and make sure you have the camera to hand for future blackmail purposes wink

AgentZigzag Sat 20-Oct-12 00:52:29

But not giving your DC even a hint that other DC might have an opinion about their clothes and express it loudly in front of the rest of the class, could place them at a disadvantage worra.

Given as a parent I know these things shouldn't matter and I want to bring up the DDs up as people who couldn't care less about what they wear (like me), I see trying to help them fit with 'the herd' to some degree, as important.

I'm thinking of a situation that had mythical status when the story was passed down to me, of a lass who went to her first Christmas party at secondary school dressed in an ankle long, blue and white gingham dress, when everyone else was wearing spray on jeans and pixie boots. (my friend was there and said she was mortified sad)

Just imagining the cold feeling she must have had in her stomach (not everyone has the confidence to brazen it out) when she realised, makes me think it's important to help your DC fit in with their peers - to some extent.

chocoluvva Sat 20-Oct-12 01:00:12

Exactly, I wouldn't want DS to think that DH and I think that it's important to be fashionable.
But DD can spare him from inadvertently giving an impression he doesn't want to have and give him confidence in his appearance.
I'm appalled by the complexity of clothes these days - - we can go into a shoe shop for example, and I'll be astonished to be told by DD that only X,Y or Z-types of people wear such and such a brand.

usualsuspect3 Sat 20-Oct-12 01:08:14

ah, you see my DS was never a slave to labels.

except for Vans grin

Bit off topic but when my brother who is 2 years younger, started at my secondary school he hated rugby with a passion. For two years he was truely miserable being made to play it.

I joked one day that all the girls fancied rugby players, and it was like a switch flicked. He started trying and he was good. He ended up really brilliant and on the team. He loved it once he was getting better.

He also got a lot of attention from girls grin but thats not really the point. A little advice from his sister helped him. He made friends etc. Not always a bad thing to get a little advice!

AgentZigzag Sat 20-Oct-12 01:16:21

And it'd give them something to build a relationship on as well wanna.

I remember going through a similar phase at a similar age with my brother, probably mostly born out of an us/them situation with our parents grin but we could chat about things the olds just wouldn't get, and that did carry on for a while after we left home.

chocoluvva Sat 20-Oct-12 01:19:02

Labels, drive me nuts. It's awful.
Apparently certain labels are only worn by rough hooligan types (I paraphrase).
DD wouldn't want to look tarty - nothing low cut - yet her skirts are IMO, far too short.
I thought DS who is tall and very skinny would suit skinny jeans, but he was worried that he'd look gay!!!!!!
It's all so tricky.

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