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To make dd1 come away for the weekend

(64 Posts)
twoteens Fri 19-Oct-12 15:22:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully Fri 19-Oct-12 15:23:48

If you're going their for xmas and she really would sulk and ruin it...Altho isn't she a little old for sulking?

Sirzy Fri 19-Oct-12 15:24:28

If your going back at christmas anyway then don't make her go. She is 17 so more than old enough to decide herself

twoteens Fri 19-Oct-12 15:28:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully Fri 19-Oct-12 15:30:13

I agree twoteens

I expect mine to do the odd family obligation and they do.

RubyFakeNails Fri 19-Oct-12 15:30:31

I wouldn't make her go. Will just cause unnecessary resentment. You go and enjoy the party, she goes to London and enjoys that party.

Hullygully Fri 19-Oct-12 15:32:56

But Ruby, that's not the point. two teens is upset about how selfish she is being more than anything.

Sirzy Fri 19-Oct-12 15:36:34

Counter argument is forcing her to go somewhere she doesn't want to is equally as selfish.

Jins Fri 19-Oct-12 15:37:28

Sounds like life chez Jins. sad

I usually leave the sulky one at home because he will suck any pleasure out of any occasion if he's in one of those moods but he hasn't got form for holding parties while I'm away

I'm on the fence sorry, but I do sympathise.

Hullygully Fri 19-Oct-12 15:38:43

Really?

I have a large family and we all try to get together a few times a year, I think it's really really important for children to have strong family bonds, and also to learn that sometimes other committments take priority over parties.

We shall have to disagree.

JustSpidero Fri 19-Oct-12 15:39:10

Is DD2 happy to go with you or is it likely to cause aggro on that front if you agree DD1 can stay at home as well?

What happened with the party last year and why no trust still?

My gut feeling is that forcing a 17yo to go with you isn't really on, but on the other hand I appreciate there are other angles in this situation which make it more of a tricky decision.

Hullygully Fri 19-Oct-12 15:39:55

I also do the "honour the first committment" thing. So if the parties come up second, tough. If she'd already arranged to go (with my knowledge), it's more negotiable.

Jins Fri 19-Oct-12 15:41:31

We do manage to get our sulker away quite often but I do start to cave in if he puts up too much resistance. Mind you he goes to visit family on his own occasionally so I think the bonds are there

RubyFakeNails Fri 19-Oct-12 15:41:32

I understand what she's upset about, but the reality is if her DD1 goes its going to ruin the party for OP and probably mean all 3 of them are miserable at what should be a good time. Surely them all being miserable defeats the object of going there in the first place. So I would just let it go. I think have a discussion about how certain things are important and you feel its selfish, but you know you'll probably get an entire list of what she 'sacrifices' for you and how she isn't selfish.

She's 17, same as my DD1, at this age I wouldn't feel I could insist she goes. Its that I would like her to but its her choice who she wants to spend time with.

twoteens Fri 19-Oct-12 15:42:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully Fri 19-Oct-12 15:42:34

<disagrees strongly>

Hullygully Fri 19-Oct-12 15:43:20

Absolutely twoteens, my dc 14 and 15, always have stuff going on so sometimes I do a three line whip and they are cool about it.

Jins Fri 19-Oct-12 15:44:12

As my DS is 18 now I try to think if I'd be requiring his presence if he lived away. If I would then I make him go. If I wouldn't bother then I give in

I'd probably not be forcing this one as it isn't a relative even though relatives are there

<still on fence though>

Hullygully Fri 19-Oct-12 15:45:11

I'd be doing extraordinarily hurt and disappointed

RubyFakeNails Fri 19-Oct-12 15:45:28

Because she's 17, and thats what is important to you when you're 17. I think probably 21ish maybe older, family will become more of a priority again but at 17 theres always going to be the next party or drama to focus on. Also as she's 17 why shouldn't she party and have fun. She's got the rest of her life to be responsible and have 'commitments'.

Jins Fri 19-Oct-12 15:46:32

Oh yes. For months after

Hullygully Fri 19-Oct-12 15:47:48

Balance Ruby.

Lots of fun and parties, but responsibilties and committments too.

twoteens Fri 19-Oct-12 15:49:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully Fri 19-Oct-12 15:51:33

<gets angrier and angrier on twoteens behalf>

Get that little Madam on here, I'll tear her off a strip.

Narked Fri 19-Oct-12 15:51:50

She's 17. Let her stay. Do make sure she knows that you've told the neighbours the house will be empty and they're to call you and the police if there are any signs of life in there.

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