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Jealousy is ruining my life!!!!!

(16 Posts)
Screamfromtherooftops Fri 19-Oct-12 15:02:03

I am a jealous person, I admit I have serious issues.

-I go mad if my bf looks in the direction of a girl
-I have hit him because I because so angry that he looked
-I only let him go out with me, Not alone
-We can't watch TV because if something pops up on screen I go mad
-We hardly ever go out because of it

I would love a 'Normal' relationship and I know I have psychological problems, I know I have some psychological problems so please help me.

I lost my last BF to it, I have a DS with him and I don't want to lose him.

I want to be normal sad

How can I help myself? Please any suggestion I will welcome, It is ruining our relationship!

I posted here because of more traffic and I need honesty.

Euphemia Fri 19-Oct-12 15:05:04

YANBU to recognise you have a problem.

Have you tried therapy/counselling?

When did these feelings start? Can you put your finger on what made you like this?

You need to see your GP. As soon as you can. You are abusive and its not acceptable.

Its good that you recognise it and want to change, but tbh I dont think you should still be with your bf. He shouldnt have to live with this.

You need to think about removing yourself from the house and relationship until you get help.

SoleSource Fri 19-Oct-12 15:12:42

Maybe being single is what he needs. Why is he putting up with abuse?

FreudianLisp Fri 19-Oct-12 15:13:04

Yikes, this does sound as though it's casting a major shadow over both your lives.

I suspect that what would help the most is building up your confidence in yourself and your worth, so that you can accept that your partner has voluntarily chosen to be with you because you're worth being with, and that him looking at another woman or saying something positive about her doesn't mean much. (Wow, that was a long sentence!) I hope that you can build up your confidence to the point where you think 'He's damn lucky to have me.'

I say this because you can't change someone else's behaviour, and it probably isn't realistic that he diverts his eyes from 50% of the population. But you can potentially change how you feel about things.

I'd recommend asking your GP for a referral to local clinical psychology services (although there may well be a wait for therapy to start) because this could be an opportunity to have some support with really tackling this stuff. Or if you wanted to tackle it as a couple, there's always Relate. Good luck!

Nancy66 Fri 19-Oct-12 15:13:58

You will lose him if you carry on like this. That's a given.

You need to seek professional help starting with a visit to your GP

fuckadoodlepoopoo Fri 19-Oct-12 15:14:53

You sound like my abusive ex boyfriend. I doubt he will ever change because he never felt he was doing anything wrong. He thought it was justified. Do you?

SoleSource Fri 19-Oct-12 15:14:53

But I commend you for getting to the point of self awareness then admittance smile

See your GP or seek a private therapist.

CookingFunt Fri 19-Oct-12 15:15:38

You know its not good for your DS to be in the middle of an abusive relationship. Is there a program for domestic abusers? You could ask your gp or police station.

CookingFunt Fri 19-Oct-12 15:18:04

Your dp needs help as he is a victim of domestic violence. Are ss involved?

Joint counselling isnt recommended for relationships where there is violence.

waltermittymissus Fri 19-Oct-12 15:20:24

You need help. A lot of intensive help by the sounds of it.

Meanwhile you need to leave. Your dp should not have to put up with this. If you love him then leave, get better and maybe try to get back together.

If he has any sense though he'll scarper and not look back.

Are you violent to your ds?

waltermittymissus Fri 19-Oct-12 15:21:49

And to reiterate what wannabe has said, couple therapy does NOT work with abusers. It just gives them ammunition.

FolkGhoul Fri 19-Oct-12 15:22:12

OP, it must be very hard to read it, but everyone posting on here is right.

I've felt quite uncomfortable reading these replies because you're posting on here recognising that there is an issue.

However, your partner should not be suffering this, and your DS should not be seeing it happen.

You need to go to the GP.

mudipig Fri 19-Oct-12 15:38:47

I think it's great that you recognise the problem.

But you're right. He will leave you if you carry on.

You need to talk to him about it, so that he is aware that you recognise the problem and then get some help.

I had an ex like you. I grew to hate him. He never recognised he had a problem though until it was way too late. I couldn't go on going nowhere, seeing nobody. He didn't like me going out so I'd invite a friend round. He'd then lie and say they'd said nasty things about me whilst I was in the bathroom and that they weren't a good friend. And then refuse to have them round again.

We had the problem with films too. He would, after much encouragement, agree to go to the cinema - only to leave after ten minutes because somebody kissed somebody else on screen. If we went down the road in the car, he'd accuse me of looking at men who were walking down the road. So I had to look down at my feet when in the car. I hope by me telling you this you can see how awful it is for him. I felt like I was imprisoned by the end. I only managed to escape when he went to visit some family on his own. I packed my bags and I left.

He was devastated. He stalked me for several months. Ten years later I still worry that he'll suddenly turn up. The effect on me was huge. I couldn't trust people for ages. I'd lost most of my friends and a huge amount of self esteem.

It is abusive and it will damage him.

Please do something about it. I think you're very brave to post this.

doinmummy Fri 19-Oct-12 16:11:42

My ex was like this . He made me so unhappy, miserable, scared and depressed that at times I felt like ending it. Please get help. Be prepared to split up while you get help as it is recommended that you do not live together during the process.

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