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To get my do, put his lead on, gather up his things and drive him back to dogs trust!

(162 Posts)
zombieplanmum Thu 18-Oct-12 21:13:14

Then leave the little slime ball there until he realises just how cushy he has it!!

Since i have had him he has destroyed 2 lap top chargers, two pairs of crocs, a pair of glasses that cost £160 and i couldnt afford to replace them, having to wear my old prescription, the final straw - the little bastard has just eaten my bed! MY side of the bed too, i can't afford to replace that either so i am going to have to just try and stuff all the wadding back inside and sew it back together. I have had the week from hell, today being the worst of it and then i come home to find out that dog #1 managed to open the bedroom door and bastard dog #2 was clearly having a fine old time of it in my abscence - we are talking 15 minutes while i did the school run angry

now of course i wouldn't dream of leaving him at the dogs trust, where i got him from, but he needs to understand that he is a very lucky dog - he is spoilt rotten, gets the best dog food, lots of toys and he SLEEPS ON MY FUCKING BED! This is how he repays me, bastard bastard bastard animal!

yes i know its my own fault, i should have put the bungy strap around the door like i always do but i was running late after cleanin the bathroom

HoneyDragon Thu 18-Oct-12 21:17:01

In the dragon house hold the phone rings.
HullyGully puppy looks up expectantly waiting for us to make the noise stop.

Except we can't.

Because HullyGully

You ATE the FUCKING PHONE didn't you? You UTTER ARSEBISCUIT of a Canine!!!!!!!!!

HoneyDragon Thu 18-Oct-12 21:17:40


DeadQODy Thu 18-Oct-12 21:18:31

Aaaaah hahahahahahahaha

Sorry sad (grin)

squeakytoy Thu 18-Oct-12 21:19:55

cant you walk him on the school run?

Sassybeast Thu 18-Oct-12 21:20:18

The Beast has just dismembered her faux leather, sheepskin bed. With a side order of DDs favourite dinosaur. That's AFTER she's had finest chicken breast and bran flakes for dinner.

She is extremely cute when she knows she's been naughty though grin

zombieplanmum Thu 18-Oct-12 21:21:04

i should have called this little bastard henry, because then i could have been like the woman on the cartoon - HEEENNNRYYYYY!!!!! i swear he is driving me nuts, DP says he isn't sleeping on the bed tonight - err, good luck with that the dog is so stupid the only way we will keep him out is if we shut the door (but we can't because bastard dog #1 has pinged the door handle so many times it doesn't shut properly - hence the bungy strap)

Can someone please remind me why i thought having dogs was a good idea?

WorraLiberty Thu 18-Oct-12 21:21:06

And now your 'do' has eaten the 'g' in your thread title sad

catinwitchyboots Thu 18-Oct-12 21:21:09

I used to breed puppies and they all the little fuckers used to do was to eat my knickers and chew my high heels.

I soon put a stop to that. Daddy-dog had his nuts off grin

zombieplanmum Thu 18-Oct-12 21:21:51

it wouldnt' surprise me in the least worra, he eats everthing else!

Lougle Thu 18-Oct-12 21:22:16

He is in fairly good company. Patch ate DH's new beard trimmer charging cord. The beard trimmer that he'd only charged once. The beard trimmer that was bought to replace the one that Patch had chewed after the girls had fed him the attachments.

Lougle Thu 18-Oct-12 21:22:59

Yes to knickers!! How many pairs do I find, under my bed, with attractive side slits??

Yama Thu 18-Oct-12 21:23:55

I may keep this thread for those times when I wistfully imagine talking dh round about getting a dog.

WorraLiberty Thu 18-Oct-12 21:24:17

Your dog is a hero, OP.

Thanks to him, there are two less pairs of crocs in the world grin

I just don't see how that can be a bad thing?

lannyshrops Thu 18-Oct-12 21:25:39

honeydragon I have nearly just wet myself, I have tears of laughter rolling downy face! grin

discrete Thu 18-Oct-12 21:26:06

Our kitchen chairs are all gnawed around the legs. To the point where some of them are a bit unstable.

Poor doggydums was doing his teeth the bastard.

Labradorwhisperer Thu 18-Oct-12 21:28:28

Haha! I can relate! Although my beasts have left the house pretty much intact, dog #1 outdid himself in eating FOUR jellyfish on the beach before rolling in a dead seal (at least I hope that's what it was... It had ribs). Not to be left out, dog #2 dug up a garlic bulb from the neighbours garden and ate five cloves, much to their amusement. Garlic dog breath is pretty special. OH thought I had been cooking all afternoon when he came home, was most disappointed when I told him it was just the pup!

ScooseIsLooseInTheHauntedHoose Thu 18-Oct-12 21:28:45

I agree with worra the dog did you a favour r.e the little shit zhu once got hold of my new eyeshadows, his snout was sparkly for ages grin

Yama Thu 18-Oct-12 21:28:58

In my teens we had the most annoying cat in the world. She would annoy me at about 6am, trying to get me up to feed her. I devised a cunning plan to keep her out my room - I put my bedside table up against the door. The wee fucker would headbutt the door continuously until I got up. A teenager does not need this stress.

In the end I locked her in the dining room at night, winning out little war of attrition.

Pagwatch Thu 18-Oct-12 21:31:56

Penis dog is lovely. Small rat monkey dog is a tiny wanker. Penis dog lulled me into a false sense of security.

zombieplanmum Thu 18-Oct-12 21:34:03

labradorwhisperer - you should have cooked the puppy, he would have had a lovely taste!

Tigerbomb Thu 18-Oct-12 21:42:10

My last dog, a GSD, decided to eat the sofa. Our brand new sofa that we had had for two weeks. The first brand new sofa I had ever owned. The sofa that I was going to still have to pay for for the next 4 sodding years.

He also ate the architrave from the bottom of each of the 7 doors leading off the hallway

Still cried like a baby when he passed away at 4 years old

Labradorwhisperer Thu 18-Oct-12 21:47:08

Good point, Zombie :-) don't think the thought hasn't crossed my mind, especially when he is howling for attention. He manages to sound like the world's first rooster/lab cross...

CamperFan Thu 18-Oct-12 21:49:34

HoneyDragon, I am v confused - you have named your dog after an MNetter?

saintlyjimjams Thu 18-Oct-12 21:51:15

Mine ate my sofa.

It has no back cushions. It needs to go to the dump.

I was very cross about my mac laptop charger. £50 to replace!! I bought a new one, spilled coffee over my laptop 2 weeks later, had to send it off to the insurers repairers who insisted on having the £50 charger as well, then refused to send it back (even though laptop was dead).

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