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to be annoyed at SIL even though she is in hospital?

(30 Posts)
GoldPlatedNineDoors Thu 18-Oct-12 20:09:19

I have had a weekend away booked for about 6 months, and only booked after SIL said she would mind DD on the Friday (DH at work, offered to take a days leave but SIL insisted).

At the start of the week, SIL asked if I would write down DDs routine (10mo dd), and she could ask any questions Friday morning before I left. We arranged for her to be here at 9am.

On Monday night, DD was poorly with a sickness bug. It was a 24 hours thing (DH had it too), and she has been a bit off colour Tuesday and Wednesday. DH text SIL to ask if it was OK if we let her know a definite later in the week on the Friday babysitting as (here is the crux of it) SIL has been unwell and her immune system is incredibly weak (although she is well day-to-day). We didnt want SIL to be at risk of the sickness bug. She said no problem.

No vomiting or anything from DD on Tuesday, Wednesday or Today. I asked DH to text SIL to say DD was all well, perfectly healthy and if she was still OK to watch her tomorrow.

SIL has responded to say she is in hospital overnight having scheduled surgery and wouldn't be able to.

Now, AIBU to think that if she was in overnight having scheduled surgery the day before she could have at least told us at some point during the last few months or weeks so we could make alternative arrangements? I spoke to her Monday morning and she was asking what DDs routine was for tomorrow.

I just don't understand. I know we mentioned at the start of the week that it was tentative whether DD would be well enough, so part of me thinks that maybe she has been booked in after then, but all her other surgerys (she has had around 4 in the last 3 years) have been booked in advance.

AIBU? I do worry that I am, for being frustrated at this.

DH is now going to have to call in sick (parental leave must be taken in blocks of a week and notice given), where if we had known he could have booked a Leave day.

lightrain Thu 18-Oct-12 20:11:13

I think yabu. Sorry. She probably had a lot on her mind the last few days and wasn't really thinking about you or your dd.

ChickenFillet Thu 18-Oct-12 20:13:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Thu 18-Oct-12 20:13:56

Definetly not Chicken

LunaticFringe Thu 18-Oct-12 20:14:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChickenFillet Thu 18-Oct-12 20:15:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrawberryMojito Thu 18-Oct-12 20:15:50

Sounds like a miscommunication somewhere down the line. Obviously her surgery takes priority over your childcare but it seems strange not to let you know it was planned/on the cards. She does seem to have led you up the garden path somewhat but I bet if you asked her there would be a reasonable explanation for the confusion.

JerryLeadbetter Thu 18-Oct-12 20:16:11

YANBU - i'd be pissed off about this. Sounds a bit odd though. Surely she did know about this surgery beforehand, and even if she didn't know until earlier this week, she should have told you guys straight away so you could make alternative arrangements?

Is she normally reliable? Do you get on with her? I'd get your DH to probe further and find out when she knew about the surgery. If she's known about it a while, I think he would be entitled to be annoyed with her- and let her know it.

doinmummy Thu 18-Oct-12 20:16:45

People generally know in advance if the surgery is elective. Although sometimes an op can be brought forward . Has she told you that she was due another operation ? I wod be a bit hmm about it.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Thu 18-Oct-12 20:17:12

She has a bowel illness, and as I say, has had scheduled surgeries before.

When DH called to tell me that she was in hopsital, the first words out of my mouth were "oh no, oh my goodness, is she OK?" because I was concerned that she had gone in as an emergency. He then corrected me to say not an emergency, it was scheduled.

RuleBritannia Thu 18-Oct-12 20:17:24

Is she in hospital after an emergency? perhaps

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 18-Oct-12 20:18:20

So she has been planning to babysit on a particular date for over six months, has apparently been looking forward to it (as she has spoken about it) and she tell you two days before the date that she is having surgery the next day? confused

ChickenFillet Thu 18-Oct-12 20:18:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Thu 18-Oct-12 20:19:24

I agree Strawberry , I would never expect her to miss or reschedule any appointments or surgery for childcare, and DH would have taken a day off or I could have rearranged an alternative weekend (tickets and hotels now booked and paid for so unable to do this).

We get on very well, and I knew she has surgery scheduled for the very end of November, so there is a small possibility that it has been brought forward very last minute, but she could have messaged at some point or called to say she couldn't do it.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Thu 18-Oct-12 20:20:47

I understand there may be a little bit of unreasonableness on my part as I genuinely don't know whether the date has been moved last minute or what, but I am releived to hear that there are others out there who would be frustrated at this.

I've been out after work today to stock up the fridge with food for her and spent the last couple of hours cleaning the house and prepping all of DDs stuff for her so she has little to nothing to sort tomorrow.

ENormaSnob Thu 18-Oct-12 20:21:29


How very odd.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Thu 18-Oct-12 20:22:09

Outraged she has told us tonight that she is in hospital having scheduled surgery this evening (surgery may have been today or may be tomorrow), but we are only aware of this after DH spoke with her tonight to clarify stuff for tomorrow.

ChickenFillet Thu 18-Oct-12 20:23:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 18-Oct-12 20:25:18

Thanks for clarifying, it sounds bizzare!

I would guess that the surgery was brought forward because of a cancellation and she was too worked up over having to organise herself last minute that she forgot to tell you. Is there a chance she thought her parents were going to tell you?

Shakey1500 Thu 18-Oct-12 20:25:19

I think YABU until you've at least found out the whole story. She sounds considerate enough to have asked about the routine. It's feasible she has been admitted as an emergency and has been "scheduled" for surgery even at short notice.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Thu 18-Oct-12 20:29:10

I know it is possible that she has been pulled in last minute, hence why even I agree that I am being a little UR.

MIL has offered her services for the afternoon but I need to leave at 10am. DH will have to just be off.

Grrrrrr at the disorganisation of some people.

ChickenFillet Thu 18-Oct-12 20:32:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Thu 18-Oct-12 20:34:18

Because it isn't an emergency. That's why. If she had been taken in in an emergency, I would be upset for her and totally focussed on her wellbeing, not a weekend break. It is scheduled. Planned. Booked. At some point before today she would have known that she was ging to be in having surgery today. The disorganisation comes from not letting us know.

ChickenFillet Thu 18-Oct-12 20:38:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Thu 18-Oct-12 21:04:43

Haha I shalk be inspecting her forehead when I next see her.

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