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To insist he tells me

(5 Posts)
filthycute Thu 18-Oct-12 19:36:15

I have posted before about my ExDP shenanigans. We currently are not speaking- at his instigation. He won't speak to me or allow me anywhere near him. So for the last month he has been picking DS up from nursery on a Monday and I pick him up, on a Thursday afternoon from nursery. This is his arrangement and he posts these details on a google calendar.

Anyway today I picked up my son from Nursery - today is his birthday (he's 2). He was having cake , so I stayed and sat with him. I noticed he has a prominent mark on his cheek. I casually asked his key worker 'has he been bashing himself today', she looked puzzled then realised I was talking about his face. She then told me that he had gone home early on Monday after being bitten very hard on the face by another child - which had resulted in the mark and obviously him very distressed. The staff were understandably puzzled that I didn't know.

This is the second time I have been in the dark about something - last time it was a visit to the docs and a dose of antibiotics which I only discovered 3 days later.

So I think he should be telling me these things - . I don't expect daily updates but stuff like this I think I need to know. I have let him know about illness etc,.

Am I being unreasonable? If not how do I approach discussing this, - he won't speak to me, seems to ignore my texts or e-mails. And any suggestion of a criticism sets off the wrath of hell.

k2togm1 Thu 18-Oct-12 19:40:23

Oh god you aren't bu! So sorry you are in such situation, and I have no idea how you could approach the subject without he getting defensive. Do you have a mediator or something like that? Maybe an official reminder or his obligations to share info about ds care? Sorry, you'll get much better replies soon.

AnnaLiza Thu 18-Oct-12 19:59:19

Why is he s angry at you? Is it a case of you've done something very hurtful (in which case you could apologise) and he's trying to protect himself? Or did your relationship turn very nasty and he's trying to avoid more fights (in which case only time can help?)?

bedmonster Thu 18-Oct-12 20:54:50

It's hard as we don't have much to go on. Obviously both parents are incapable of having a face to face discussion about your DC which is not really helpful when jointly sharing care but you need to have some guidelines set in place between you both that you will inform the other (via text/email etc) of incidents like this.
What would you have done in an ideal world if you had found out sooner? Presumably your XP had coped and been able to comfort your DS appropriately, do you think he managed it okay (apart from the fact that he didn't let you know)?
If i'm being honest it all sounds a bit childish although that's mainly because we don't have more info to base your lack of communication on.
Either way, I hope your little DS is okay and has had a nice cuddle with his Mummy. smile

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 18-Oct-12 21:24:43

in an ideal world he would tell you, but obviously hes not going to. looks like you may just have to not fret to much and hope to god if something serious happened he would tell you.

you could always tell the nursery to inform you about things that happen there

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