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To think I own my mother?

(78 Posts)
MichaelaS Thu 18-Oct-12 17:29:27

I took a nap this afternoon and when I woke up my mother was a whole 2 feet away from me. She is supposed to be with me AT ALL TIMES. She muttered something selfish about putting washing away, but to be honest it was so ridiculous that I just let rip with my highest pitched "I am in incredible pain take me straight to A&E now or maybe I'm just upset" scream.

She seems to think its ok to put me down to play for 5 minutes whilst she goes for a wee too. Why can't I go with her? And honestly, all this needing to eat. She is only good for making milk and sleeping on and she only let's me do that for 23 hours a day.


Ps I am 6 months old and very good with her iPhone

HeinousHecate Thu 18-Oct-12 17:33:07

Wake up every hour all through the night. That'll teach her.

Oh, and a good trick is to have your poo but save just a tiny bit back for when she's cleaned you up and put a nice fresh nappy on. Then screw up your face and let it out.

You'll break her within a week. I guarantee it.

Yanbu. How dare your mother go for a wee without you. That is bang out of order. Keep screaming and she will relent.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 18-Oct-12 17:46:29

yanbu next time she even looks like shes thinking about leaving the room puke on her, then she will learn.

p.s to mum, have a nice sit down and a cup of tea you need it

MichaelaS Thu 18-Oct-12 17:56:34

She says she loves me but she is always looking for sneaky ways to leave me alone somewhere. I am putting her in her place now, I am asleep on her arm leaving her pinned on the bed unable to move with only mumsnet for company. Serves her right!

MichaelaS Thu 18-Oct-12 17:57:18

Ps good tips about the poo and being sick, thanks!

AntoinetteCosway Thu 18-Oct-12 18:01:17


(Also, you may enjoy my favourite blog in the world, Honest Toddler. It makes me cry with laughter...)

Gigondas Thu 18-Oct-12 18:10:44

Have you ever thought about waking up just as she thinks it is safe to put you in your cot (an outrageous invention when your mum probably has a perfectly good bed). That will teach her to think she has free will.

LunaticFringe Thu 18-Oct-12 18:13:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MichaelaS Thu 18-Oct-12 18:18:09

Gigondas I am a quick learner and got rid of the idea of my own cot about 4 nights after we came home from the hospital. I sleep in the big bed, and I am kind enough to allow mummy about 8 inches of it to sleep on (only so I have milk on tap mind, I am not soft). Sometimes I even let daddy sleep there too. I like being sick in his hair.

Little Loon - sounds like fun, I will try to grab some of my brothers food tonight. Shall I rub it on my clothes as well as all over the carpet?

caramelwaffle Thu 18-Oct-12 18:26:49


Get crawling quickly.

Start planning your next exploits to drive her crazy and put her in her place: I humbly suggest you aquint yourself with those things you can easily find at head height: big people call them "plug sockets" or some such; I call them fun.

LunaticFringe Thu 18-Oct-12 19:14:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cocolepew Thu 18-Oct-12 19:17:19


MrsTerryPratchett Thu 18-Oct-12 19:21:22

You're all young and inexperienced. I am MissTerryPratchett and am almost two. My DM tried to go to work today and left me with a complete stranger who I have known for months and she has known for decades so I showed her. I screamed at her though the door, alternating with plaintive "Mummy" cries. I make my face go purple. I can only keep it up until she is out of sight (it's hard work) but that's enough.

I feel so guilty and sad.

apostropheuse Thu 18-Oct-12 19:31:58

YANBU. However, being pretty good with her iphone isn't really appropriate. You should really have learned by now that the iphone ought to be dropped several times per day - preferably onto a hard surface, e.g. ceramic tiling/marble/outdoors. Just saying.

bissydissy Thu 18-Oct-12 19:37:19

Wait till your mummy holds you up over her head. You can train her to do this by rewarding her with smiles and giggles (mummies are suckers for this kind of thing) then be sick in her mouth. Right back at ya mummy!

SparklyGothKat Thu 18-Oct-12 19:37:55

Mini sparkly here! I'm 5 months and have learnt that if I scream enough, even when being held, I can throw up in a spectacular fashion! It's even better if I do it when I'm out in public with the mummy person, and cover her clothes! wink

advance01 Thu 18-Oct-12 19:42:54

Mini advance here. I am only 1 month old so still learning. However, I find waking at 2 in the morning and feeding or crying for at least 2 hours works. If she thinks she can put me back in that horrible moses basket she has another thing coming. Amazing how she caves in and keeps me in her bed. ha ha.

UndeadPixie Thu 18-Oct-12 19:43:00


QuickQuickSloe Thu 18-Oct-12 19:43:11

Small quick here, I am 14 months old and the word that I say the most clearly is my child minder's name. It keeps my mummy firmly in her place.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 18-Oct-12 19:51:10

SmallQuick you are a genius. If I combine the screaming craziness when she leaves and add your saying the childcare worker's name when she comes back, I can break her quicker. Then she will leave work and stay at home with me and have no food or heating.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 18-Oct-12 19:52:41

hahahaha you lot clearly havent learnt a thing, mini socks here im 7 months my big brother told me that if you smile the mummy will do anything you want and you wont ever have to fret about being put anywhere ever again.

he was right grin

OHforDUCKScake Thu 18-Oct-12 19:54:02

I itch and scratch all night long because Im allergic to everything. But the bonus is boobies and back tickles all night long to take my mind off it. My mum thinks she needs sleep but thats rubbish. She can stay awake for days and days. In case she considera laying down on the bed with me, I like to turn side ways, sleep diagonally with my limbs spread. I lay one hand and one foot on the pillows as an alarm. The second she tries to move those pillows to lay her head, BAM! Im awake and howling, boobs and back tickles and so the cycle continues.

She's eating out the palm of my hand.

Baby Duckscake 16 months.

GhostofMammaTJ Thu 18-Oct-12 19:56:07

Og course you own your mother, at least for the next 18 years or more. We don't need to tell her that though, the shock would be too much. She needs to come to the gradual realisation of this. It has to very very gradual, or she won't cope with it.

mamij Thu 18-Oct-12 19:56:24

Mini mamij here and I'm almost 12 months old. Have you tried pooing in the bath just before your mummy threatens to take you out, especially when you've been having so much fun? Or try being sick in her bed at bedtimes.

I would definitely encourage you to vomit at your mummy's friend's house when they are having a gossip over tea and cakes whilst ignoring you wink

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