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to think my Mother brings out the worst in me?

(3 Posts)
flower2009 Thu 18-Oct-12 16:37:05

For my whole life my Mother has suffered from an eating disorder, anxiety and depression, none of which she sought help for as she said she likes 'to do things naturally'. My father is very critical of everyone and very controlling. I also suffer from depression and can remember feeling depressed from even before I started primary school. I had 3 attempted suicide attempts from the ages of 12 to 18, and it just got brushed under the carpet. Since leaving home I have felt a lot happier and since having my DD I feel amazing, unless I visit my mother and father. She is so negative about everything, and after spending the day with her I feel depressed the next day, have no patience with my DD and generally feel rubbish. I feel I am being unreasonable to behave like this after spending time with her, how can I stop myself behaving this way, it is not fair on my DD. Does anyone elses mother bring out the worst in them or is it just me?

HeinousHecate Fri 19-Oct-12 11:07:22

My parents have the potential to depress the crap out of me. grin

I just let it all wash over me these days (for the most part). you can't let it drag you down. I just think to myself thank GOD I am not like that. And I feel sorry for them for being so bloody miserable about everything. It's not a fun life for them.

I leave their home, get in the car, let out a big breath, shake it off and go back to my home, look at my husband and kids and am so grateful for my life. I think how happy my children are and how they'll never have to live in that sort of home, that their memories of childhood will be happy ones. I look at my husband and thank god that despite his many faults grin we don't have the loathing for one another that my parents seem to!

Instead of letting it drag you down, let it make you rejoice! You get to walk away, into your happy home, with your happy daughter!

And perhaps you should consider getting some counseling, to process everything you've been through.

You always have the option of not seeing them, of course. If they are dragging you down and there is nothing about them that makes you happy, you don't actually owe them a place in your life, because through sheer chance, they happen to be your parents.

Sazzle41 Fri 19-Oct-12 11:55:46

I think counselling is a good start for you. Also with your mother its what works for you ... would limiting contact work and having it outside of their house in a neutral area? You will feel less 'oppressed' just by an occasional change of venue trust me....Its a start towards breaking the pattern of negative interaction you are both stuck in.

You could start challenging the negativity but this takes balls - and in my experience my own mother didn't like the worm turning. But, she started bcking down and the drip drip of criticism at least stopped even if she was still negative to herself and others...also i found laughing at her helped... not in a nasty way but oh you are a worrier , then a laugh and then polite challenge or, 'well we shall have to agree to disagree on that one'. Then swift subject change. If she drags it back you say "I'd really like a more positive interaction between us, lets accept we don't have identical perspectives and move on . " You could be me if that helps.....

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