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to think mil was rather dismissive of my career?

(21 Posts)
Mathsdidi Thu 18-Oct-12 16:01:35

We went to visit mil at the weekend. We visit for a day every couple of months so not really that much.

While we were there dp mentioned about his job being in danger as the company is in trouble. The job market is awful around here and there is very little in his field and anything he could apply for wouldn't really cover our childcare costs atm. So he will be staying at home if he is made redundant unless some miracle happens and a decent job comes up. She immediately told us we should move to where there are more jobs for him seeing as 'Maths can get a job anywhere'.

Now even if that was true (I don't think it is anyway as there isn't really much of a shortage of Maths teachers anymore) why should we move in order for him to get a job? If his job was secure and I was in danger of losing mine she would be all for me staying at home with the kids, in fact she even mentioned that would be a benefit of us moving for him to find a job, or I could become a childminder for a little bit extra. I have worked bloody hard to get my career off the ground, I love my current school, we both love where we live, the kids love where we live, we all have friends here, we're close to both families (well, about halfway between them).

So AIBU to have been a little bit narked at her attitude that his career is more important than mine? Not narked enough to start a big fight over it, but dp thinks I'm being silly to be even a little bit annoyed at it seeing as we're not considering it.

TakingTheStairs Thu 18-Oct-12 16:03:38

She was being dismissive, but she hopefully/probably thought before she spoke.

I hope you pointed out how silly she was being,

LimeLeafLizard Thu 18-Oct-12 16:04:21

Sounds like she doesn't have a clue. Just smile and ignore, especially as you only have to see her one day every couple of months. There's no point getting offended about the odd insensitive comment.

Mathsdidi Thu 18-Oct-12 16:09:06

I did point out gently that my salary is what pays the mortgage and we will manage fine on just mine but wouldn't manage very well on just dp's salary. After that I smiled and ignored. I don't think she realises quite how different our salaries are.

I'm not getting offended or threatening to cause arguments, I just wanted to know that I'm not being silly.

Nenufar Thu 18-Oct-12 16:09:33

YANBU. My MIL is exactly the same. I recently got a new job and my FIL asked me if my job was challenging and she said, before I got chance to answer : "It's not difficult having to make the tea for everybody".

squeakytoy Thu 18-Oct-12 16:10:38

I am not seeing it as being dismissive, it sounds more realistic if you are teacher, that you would be able to find work much easier no matter where you live.

GirlWithALlamaTattoo Thu 18-Oct-12 16:12:28

It sounds like an easy assumption to make. There ae schools everywhere, all of them teach maths, therefore there are jobs teaching maths everywhere. It's easy to forget, especially if she hasn't looked for work in a while, that most of those jobs are filled by other maths teachers.

She might not have been having a go this time.

LimeLeafLizard Thu 18-Oct-12 16:12:54

Sounds like you handled it well, then. As you say, she probably doesn't understand the difference in salaries.

WilsonFrickett Thu 18-Oct-12 16:13:23

YANBU to be narked, but I suspect there's nothing you can do about it. She sounds very old-fashioned. I'm glad you pointed out it's your salary that pays the mortgage, but I don't think there's much else you can do apart from what you've done - tell the truth about your situation.

pictish Thu 18-Oct-12 16:14:42

Of course she's going to prioritise her son's career over yours - she's his mum!

I don't think it has to mean she thinks your job is a trifle - just that she is more interested in her son's.

RedBlanket Thu 18-Oct-12 16:16:22

I can see her point, Teaching is quite a mobile profession, compared to some.
But the idea that you would up sticks as your DH's job is more important than yours would have irked me too.

Narked Thu 18-Oct-12 16:17:18

She assumed your DH is the main earner. Out of interest, what did you say when you pointed out you earn the main wage?

eBook Thu 18-Oct-12 16:31:47

YANBU but I don't suppose there's much you can do if you want to keep the peace. Just smile and ignore.

Mathsdidi Thu 18-Oct-12 16:32:59

I can't remember exactly what i said but I was quite nice about it I think. It was something about my salary paying the mortgage and that we would do fine on my salary until dp managed to find a job that was suitable for him.

Narked Thu 18-Oct-12 16:38:19

blush I meant what did she say.

Mathsdidi Thu 18-Oct-12 16:40:02

She pretty much ignored it I think. I'm fairly certain that's when she decided dinner needed some attention and when she came bag the subject wasn't brought up again.

IHeartKingThistle Thu 18-Oct-12 16:46:28

There are schools everywhere. I wouldn't have been offended by that comment per se (and I have had to accept that we can only live in a place where DH can find work, ie the SE, as in theory I CAN teach anywhere!) but it depends how it was said I suppose. A bit thoughtless to assume that you wouldn't have been able to support the family, but she might genuinely not have known your salary details. My MIL certainly doesn't know mine! Out of interest, would you have been as annoyed if someone else had said it?

freedom2011 Thu 18-Oct-12 17:03:28

bah, i wrote a thoughtful response to this then lost it, so in brief

YANBU - try to smile and ignore, she will forget it and you will be annoyed, which is a waste of energy for an smart, educated woman like yourself.

freedom2011 Thu 18-Oct-12 17:10:01

obviously, I'm not that smart and educated myself given the typing errors in that post but you know what I mean :-)

dontlaugh Thu 18-Oct-12 17:15:00

Smile and ignore. I did, when narky comments came my way from FIL. Now I am main breadwinner, and professionally qualified dh cannot get any work. FIL treats me with a new found awe, seriously.

forevergreek Thu 18-Oct-12 17:19:01

I kind of get this from mil/fil. I also earn a considerable amount more so if it was a choice of just one of us working it would be me.

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