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To spend all this money on myself rather than my family

(23 Posts)
kim147 Thu 18-Oct-12 14:58:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsjay Thu 18-Oct-12 15:01:08

OO the archers sounds tense grin If my parents gave me money to attend a wedding I would go to the wedding I don't think i would spend it on the children unless they were starving.

ENormaSnob Thu 18-Oct-12 15:01:41

I wouldn't take the money tbh.

It would feel disgusting to blow 150quid on someones wedding if I couldn't even clothe my own kids.

HazleNutt Thu 18-Oct-12 15:02:17

Parents gave her the money specifically for the wedding. She should go.

WinklyFriedChicken Thu 18-Oct-12 15:02:35

If the money was given for that purpose it should be used for that purpose.

SugariceAndScary Thu 18-Oct-12 15:02:42

I'd pay bills with it, I couldn't go to the wedding knowing the children needed clothes and the bills would still be there.

I would accept the money off my Parents as long as they knew where it would be going, hopefully the offer would still stand.

GreenShadow Thu 18-Oct-12 15:03:11

I think she should accept the money.
If it was me, I would spend the minimum on a dress and be 'sensible' when buying present, so that there might be a little left afterwards.

But I do also think they need to be more open about their situation to George's father.

DontmindifIdo Thu 18-Oct-12 15:06:08

If you were given money to do a specific thing with it, then I don't think you have a right to spend it on whatever you want, so she would need to check that htey were happy for her not to go but to keep the money they have given her to go anyway.

In that case, I would spend the money on bills/take the edge off that month's stress.

mamamibbo Thu 18-Oct-12 15:08:10

i wouldnt go to the wedding, i wouldnt be able to waste that amount of money if my family needed it. i'd tell my parents that tho

kim147 Thu 18-Oct-12 15:08:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kim147 Thu 18-Oct-12 15:09:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob Thu 18-Oct-12 15:37:12

If this was the other way around, the husband was frittering a large amount of cash on a party when the family are up financial shit creek, there would be cries of leave the selfish fucker.

kim147 Thu 18-Oct-12 15:39:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurplePidjin Thu 18-Oct-12 15:43:52

I would skimp on myself as much as possible so there was some for kids clothes and other necessities. But then, i would see it as a gift - if my parents gave me a £150 present, i wouldn't feel i could sell it to pay bills iyswim

LFCisTarkaDahl Thu 18-Oct-12 15:49:26

You only accept the money if you spend it on the wedding.

I wouldn't accept it and I'd be having a massive word at my parents about them only giving me money for that when I had more pressing needs.

WaitingForMe Thu 18-Oct-12 16:18:00

I'd ask to use the money to help my family and if they said no I wouldn't take it.

Gifts with conditions are tough. MIL does it and it's just seen us view her as someone who isn't really on our side.

WhitesandsofLuskentyre Thu 18-Oct-12 16:27:34

I've been in this situation - twice hmm. The first time, my mates had clubbed together to buy me a present for a big birthday (but gave me cash instead, because they didn't have time to organise the thing I said I'd like sad) and secondly, I was given a small bequest in a will, with the instruction not to spend it on the rest of the family. Both times I used the money to buy food [I was struggling post-divorce], and I spent a little bit of the bequest on having my hair cut for the first time in about a year. I still have in the back of my mind that I "owe" myself both those amounts of money back, should I ever be in a position to pay myself.

NatashaBee Thu 18-Oct-12 16:29:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dillydollydaydream Thu 18-Oct-12 16:40:42

I couldn't spend 150 on a dress of my kids were going without. I'd possibly buy a cheap dress then spend the rest on the children.

lljkk Thu 18-Oct-12 16:48:05

Emma is too proud to explain to her parents how skint she is. That's part of the story, her immaturity about it.

Who cleans Lilian's home? I'm sure it's not Lilian. Must be some cleaning hours Emma could pick up somewhere to bring some more pennies in.

QueenStromba Thu 18-Oct-12 17:44:19

In here position I'd buy a cheap dress from ebay. You can get some beautiful stuff from China for peanuts - I've bought two lovely evening dresses for about £25 each. For the gift I'd make something or buy something cheap but with personal meaning and I'd get the megabus to the wedding or try to bum a lift. That should mean that about half of the money would be left to help with the bills. Really though, I'd just come clean about my financial position and ask for help.

Olbasoil Thu 18-Oct-12 17:58:57

Lets face it ,Emma will never be happy anyway ! Me, I stock the cupboards and freezer and ask Will to pay for guinea pig food and with help with clothes for George.

LadyMaryCrawley Thu 18-Oct-12 18:11:58

I'm waiting for Useless Ed to resort to poaching, getting shot and left for dead by Grumpy Gamekeeper/Bitter Brother Will, and then Brave Emma will go out looking for him and find him in a puddle of blood and pheasant feathers, being nibbled by weasels. Bitter Brother Will will have gone on the run with George and the Guinea Pig (why hasn't the guinea pig got its own show yet?).

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