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Leaving out one child from party invite

(144 Posts)
DixieD Thu 18-Oct-12 10:52:16

I am not a horrible cow. My DD is having a princess party for her 6th (hopefully we will be out of this princess phase soon!). We are inviting all the girls in the class. Or at least we are planning to.
The problem is this. One girl in the class is a Jehovah's Witness. She can't go to parties, play dates etc with non JW kids. I know that she will not come to the party as does DD. I was planning on inviting her anyway just so she wouldn't be the only one not getting an invite. I don't want her to be upset and think DD didn't want her there.
However it has occurred to me that it may be disrespectful to her parents beliefs to ask her to something she is bot permitted to attend. Would it be undermining them? It is common knowledge that she doesn't attend parties so its no like I can claim ignorance.
So WIBU to invite this girl despite knowing its against their religious beliefs?

FutTheShuckUp Thu 18-Oct-12 10:53:15

Id invite her anyway

SavoyCabbage Thu 18-Oct-12 10:54:34

Tricky one. As its common knowledge I think I would not send her an invitation but write her a note asking her to come over for a play on a different day.

DixieD Thu 18-Oct-12 10:55:31

She wouldn't be allowed come over to play either though as we are not JW.

PropertyNightmare Thu 18-Oct-12 10:56:14

Yes, definitely invite the little girl anyway. It must be very difficult for her. It would be just a tiny gesture on your part but it might mean a lot to her to see that people would like her to share their happy occasions.

claraschu Thu 18-Oct-12 10:57:17

Definitely invite her. Don't invite the parents to any parties, but the girl is too young to have any of her own religious beliefs.

SugariceAndScary Thu 18-Oct-12 10:57:21

I would still offer the invitation but with an extra note asking her to come to your house after school on another day for tea and a play instead.

PropertyNightmare Thu 18-Oct-12 10:57:34

I would not be even slightly worried about 'offending' the parents. I would put the feelings of the girl before theirs.

SugariceAndScary Thu 18-Oct-12 10:57:55

x post about the invite to your house, shame.

MeSoFunny Thu 18-Oct-12 10:59:06

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

WelshMaenad Thu 18-Oct-12 10:59:32

Poor child!

cheekydevil Thu 18-Oct-12 11:01:18

Its weird that she is allowed to play with non JW at school playtimes but not play at houses or parties?
Poor child, invite her anyway, she might rebel when she is older and can see that it is antisocial sad

PropertyNightmare Thu 18-Oct-12 11:02:00

Also, I wonder why the parents are so discriminatory and prejudiced against all those who do not share their beliefs? It seems very extreme and unusual. Not typical of most religious people.

ClippedPhoenix Thu 18-Oct-12 11:02:26

I wouldn't be worried about offending the parents in the slightest. I'd want the little girl to know she was asked. What a stifling atmospher the poor mite must live in.

Bunbaker Thu 18-Oct-12 11:02:35

"She wouldn't be allowed come over to play either though as we are not JW."

That's nonsense. DD had a JW in her class and she was allowed to come and play, and DD went to play at her house. Don't worry about not inviting the JW, neither she nor the family will be offended. It is common knowledge that they don't do birthday parties anyway.

DixieD Thu 18-Oct-12 11:02:37

Well her parents aren't twats hmm. I've never met the dad but her mum is absolutely lovely. They just have different beliefs.
My DD attends a multi denominational school that encourages tolerance and respect of differences. In this spirit I would like to take into consideration the parents feelings and not be perceived to undermining or negatively judging their religion.

ClippedPhoenix Thu 18-Oct-12 11:02:46

atmosphere of course

YellowRiver Thu 18-Oct-12 11:03:19

Couldn't you send the invite with an added note to the parents saying something along the lines of, 'totally understand and respect that due to your religious beliefs, x may not be able to come, however just wanted to say she is very welcome and people of all faiths are welcome in our home' ?

DesperatelySeekingPerfection Thu 18-Oct-12 11:03:37

Hmmm this is difficult. Whilst I don't agree with JW I think it would be disrespectful in a way. You do know about their religious beliefs. Do you see the parents at the school? Could you hand the invitation to them rather than the child?

So sad for this little girl but she definitely needs an invite the same as the other girls so that she knows that she is welcome there and that any decision was that of her patents.

DixieD Thu 18-Oct-12 11:04:50

Well bunbaker I can assure you this child is not allowed have play dates with non JW children. I don't know if this is a common rule for JW but its certainly one this family follow.

GirlWithALlamaTattoo Thu 18-Oct-12 11:05:17

In that case, I'd ask the mum. The little girl might be pleased to be invited even though she can't go, or she might feel hurt that she's been invited to something that you/DD know she won't be allowed to - her mum will know best, hopefully.

oohlaalaa Thu 18-Oct-12 11:05:22

I'd invite her anyway.

TantrumsAndBalloons Thu 18-Oct-12 11:05:45

Can you ask the girls mother what she would prefer you do?

seeker Thu 18-Oct-12 11:07:26

As far as I am aware, there's no reason a JW child can't come to play. And it's not all parties they can't come to, it's specifically birthdays- JWs don't celebrate birthdays. I would give the invitation, but with a separate invitation to tea another day as well.

DameMargotFountain Thu 18-Oct-12 11:08:48

i'd invite her, what's it gong to cost you? a sheet of paper and a smile?

the little girl still has feelings, she'll feel excluded and unwanted as a friend - what her parents decide to do about the invitation is another story.

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