"There's nothing to eat in this house!" - DS17 complains

[flow4]

Apparently there is "nothing to eat" and I am "vindicktive" because I won't give DS(17) money for a kebab and I'm "leaving him with no T and in a foul mood". (The swearing and nasty verbal abuse he's given me are evidence of that ).

We have in our cupboards/freezer, right now: pasta (spaghetti, fusilli and macaroni), rice, bread, flour, cereal (tho no milk cos he drank it all), pizza bases, eggs, cheese, tins of beans and tomatoes, veg sausages, veg burgers, onions, courgettes, mushrooms, toms, apples, pears, tinned tuna and sardines... Not to mention the nuts, lentils, chickpeas, etc... And more...

Oh, and I did make tea - a veg/tofu stir-fry with rice - and saved him some although he wasn't home, which he has now eaten...

But he "wants to eat something that doesn't look like it comes out of a rabbit's arse" (i.e. veggie food=rabbit droppings)

He wanted a kebab, bacon, crisps, biscuits, a ready meal... Something junky, basically.

I didn't want to buy him a kebab partly because we have plenty of food in, partly because I think junk food is a waste of money, but largely because he was being rude.

I think he's being unreasonable, probably because he's hungry... But am I also BU not to buy him a kebab? And more generally, AIBU -

• to expect him to make himself something out of what we have in the cupboards?
  
• not to keep a constant supply of snacks/junk food in the house?
  
• to expect him to be polite when he asks me for money, even if he's hungry?

[StuntGirl]

At 17 he can buy his own junk food/takeaways if that's what he wants. Especially if dinner has already been provided.

Has he always been so rude and aggressive?

[Longdistance]

Tell him to go get a job, and pay for his own food. Or go move out, and annoy someone else with his childish rantings.
He's acting like he's 7, not 17. Disrespectful, and brattish doesn't cover it.
Don't keep any junk at home, and tell him to get a job and buy his own junk. And don't give him any money, he's old enough to earn his own.
At 16 I went to college, and had a part time job at the same time. I had the discount card too, and got 10% off my shopping.

[NapOfTheDamned]

Tuna pizza or toastie
Sardines on toast
Scrambled eggs or omelette.
Beans on toast with cheese
Pasta with pesto.

He is being feeble and trying it on. Tell him to do one.

[ripsishere]

I'd kill for that amount of non food in our house.
Currently, I have a tin of corned beef, two tins of tuna, a bag of spaghetti, several tins of tomatoes and very little else.
Tell him to get a job if he wants to buy minced up dog bollocks kebabs.

[lisaro]

Is the reason that it's all veggie food? Is he asserting himself? Is it your choice? Not having a go at you if you're veggie, but he's old enough to make his own choices.

[HermioneHatesHoovering]

Hahahaha this is the "standard teenage rant about food", they pretty much all do it. Do not worry about it and no, don't buy him a kebab, junk food, whatever he wants.

I laugh when dd keeps opening the fridge at 2 minute intervals in the vain hope that something may have miraculously appeared in there that wasn't there before. (Suprise! there is nothing different to what was there 2 minutes ago).

Ignore the ranting (hard though it may be) and calmly state that there is plenty of food in the house as evidenced by the X number of $ that you have spent at the supermarket this week.

[mathanxiety]

For my DS, 'food' means meat. It also means food that is ready to eat right there and then, not ready to eat after you have prepared it and cooked it from scratch -- so flour in a cupboard doesn't count as food. It is an element of food but it is not food.

I have to say my DS, now 19, eats me out of house and home when he is home from university. He has an enormous appetite, never gains a pound, eats seconds of breakfast, lunch and dinner -- and all those meals have to include meat or animal protein or they are simply not filling enough. He could polish off five or six eggs plus ham and toast and orange juice for breakfast and be ravenous again three hours later. He sends me photos of his humongous breakfasts.

We are not vegetarian. He just has a huge appetite for protein.

He is nice about it and cooks breakfast and lunch for himself (and cleans up afterwards), and cleans the pots for me after dinner (almost by licking them sometimes) -- I never have leftovers when he is around.

I get shouty at people standing in front of the open fridge afflicted by fridge blindness.

[mathanxiety]

Would it be against your philosophy to have deli meats or tuna in the house for him? Teenage boys really do get very hungry.

[mathanxiety]

Maybe try providing him with some healthy animal protein options that he could assemble a hefty sandwich with and he would have less of a craving for junk that is temporarily filling?

(Not meaning to offend you as a vegetarian here).

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

Most teengagers need something right there and then to grab and eat. I know when I was younger "nothing in" meant there was nothing that would take less than five minutes to make.

Could you involve him in your shop, ask him what sort of snacks he would like. Do you make a family meal - does he eat this?

[seeker]

"Apparently there is "nothing to eat" and I am "vindicktive" because I won't give DS(17) money for a kebab and I'm "leaving him with no T and in a foul mood". (The swearing and nasty verbal abuse he's given me are evidence of that ).

Oh, and I did make tea - a veg/tofu stir-fry with rice - and saved him some although he wasn't home, which he has now eaten...

But he "wants to eat something that doesn't look like it comes out of a rabbit's arse" (i.e. veggie food=rabbit droppings"

Did those of you who were saying "oh, buy the poor precious some meat/get him to tell you what he wouldnlike" read these bits of the OP?

Why do people accept vile behaviour just because it's a teenager dishing it out?

[JeezyOrangePips]

I thought they were suggesting it as a way to try and prevent future vile behaviour, not to accept it.

I have a teenage boy, and a veggie stir fry wouldn't be enough to satisfy his appetite. Thankfully though he would be happy with toast or cereal or something simple like that later on.

I'm not sure what to suggest other than - maybe he could get a job in the kebab place. Then he'll be on site and be able to afford to buy his own...

[SugariceAndScary]

You were not being unreasonable at all!

He was being extremely rude and deserved to be ignored while he was ranting. I hope you did ignore him flow

[whois]

Well stocked kitchen, but if he isn't veggie then it would be nice to keep some meat in the house for him.

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

I wouldn't accept the vile ranting.... or at least I'd be hacked off about it (and my DS1 is a ranter too) but I do actually have sympathies with him on the food front.

Teen boys who aren't yet independent (I I agree with those who have children at University..my girls can now cook very well for themselves and are creative too) do need really filling instant food.. call it junk or not. I hate kebab stuff and breaded chicken-y shit BUT my 19 year old takes amazing amount of food to fill him.. he often does 3 eggs and a whole pack of bacon for a meal ..and he's a smallish skinny guy! DS1 would be very unhappy if offered saved veggies and tofu .

He certainly wouldn't consider lentils chick peas etc FOOD.
Can you stock up some instant meat protein for him? I know it's gross if you are veggie..but if he isn't and is dependent on you for meals still , but the odd pack of bacon etc..a couple of chops in the freezer... then he can jolly well get his own:)

[Kalisi]

If he is not a veggie, I definately feel that he is rebelling against the lack of meat in the house. May be worth considering that in your future shops. It is unreasonable to expect you to stock pile on grab-snacks but teenagers are not chefs, maybe some chicken dippers and waffles that he can throw in the oven wouldn't go amiss?

[jamdonut]

Sounds to me like he doesn't want to eat vegetarian food. Therefore, there is "nothing to eat in this house".
Do you have any alternative for him,or do you insist he is vegetarian, because at 17, I think he is old enough to make up his own mind. If it means he has to prepare it himself because you don't want to handle non vegetarian items, then that is the way it will have to be.

I have similar problems with my 20 year old ,but as he will only eat mashed potatoes and either sausages,bacon or fishfingers, there is "nothing to eat" when we have run out of those things, even though my cupboards are fully stocked.

But agree he shouldn't be so rude to you.

[lottiegarbanzo]

This random or extra hunger is why teenagers make sandwiches and toasties, noodles, or eat vast amounts of breakfast cereal isn't it? To fill themselves up without bothering anyone. Any 12 year old can prepare those sorts of snacks.

He's being rude to you because he wants to be rude to you.

Buying takeaways every night as a 'snack' would be an outrageous expense and is an absurd thing to expect. They are a treat, as a family meal or for him to buy on a night out.

What are his lunch options? If you only have veggie food at home and he isn't veggie, can he get a cheap hot meal at lunch time? If he wants meat at home then, depending on your ethics, it would be reasonable to expect him to cook it himself.

I turned veggie in an omnivorous household at 15 by cooking for myself (all the time). That wasn't ideal for family relationships but, everyone can eat veggie food and it can easily be added to. The principle of making some effort to accommodate your own difference stands (lots of veggies have no choice but to make this effort). He could roast a chicken once a week and use the meat over a few days, or make meat pasta sauce / chilli / curry, to eat alongside you or as additional supper and maybe freeze some - great preparation for independent life. I'm afraid I think anyone who says a 17 year old can't be expected to cook the sort of dishes taught in school cookery lessons age 12, occasionally, is being very indulgent. He could also help you write the shopping list, giving due consideration to cost.

[exoticfruits]

I don't think that he should be rude,but he clearly isn't a vegetarian and is rebelling.
If you were a meat eating family and one DC announced they were vegetarian you would cater for him but, for some reason, it never works the other way round. If you have an aversion to cooking meat just let him cook his own.
I always think it surprising that people expect their DCs to follow them on food- it is only ever about a 50% chance.

[lottiegarbanzo]

And if my culinary expectations do seem beyond him, there are frozen sausages, burgers, fish fingers etc. Endless microwaveable possibilities that don't need to be junk.

[LFCisTarkaDahl]

This issue has many facets - the only one I care about is your son spoke to you like that at that time of night so my response would have been:

'you've eaten your tea, kitchens closed, now fuck off and buy your own kebab - if you want cheese on toast ask politely or again fuck off and live somewhere else and buy your own food. Speak to me like that again in my own house you will be made to fuck off and live somewhere else'.

Hope today is better for you - you have done nothing wrong.

[Catsmamma]

I can hardly believe the justification of his behaviour from some...how far is a "hungry" 17 year allowed to go? How far would be too far?

He is rude, hardly starving and more than capable of getting something more to his liking.

[Moominsarescary]

Yanbu. We do keep packets of super noodles for the 17 year old to stick in the microwave for when he's hungry.

Maybe when he's not being so bratish you can talk about buying something similar for when he wants something quick.

I wouldn't be buying mine a kebab as he'd then want one all the time.

[Birdsgottafly]

Are you still getting Child benefit/tax credits for him?

Is there any jobs available or apprenticeships so he has a means of buying food that he wants to eat?

I think under some circumstances (the above) you should be providing food that your dependant wants to eat, at 17 she should have a say over his diet.

You wouldn't accept ranting from another adult, because you are not responsible for them (they could at least sign on), but i think in some cases teens do have the right to complain about how they are treated, if food that they want to eat isn't provided.

If your partner controlled the finances, but wouldn't buy food that you wanted, there would be calls to leave, but teens often don't have that option.