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to tell those currently struggling with PND...

(96 Posts)
clemetteattlee Wed 17-Oct-12 21:41:42

That it will get better.
When my son was a baby I was so desperately unhappy and would repeatedly tell my husband that I wish we had never had him. I found him very challenging and often found myself dragging myself out of bed to respond to him, muttering to myself "why are you so difficult to love?"
When the depression passed I beat myself up constantly that our bond would be affected and he would somehow know that I had felt this way.
Now, at almost five, he is the most loving, demonstrative and happy child and fills my life with joy, kisses and cuddles.

It has been a roller-coaster recovery for me but I think if someone had told me that I wasn't damaging him irrevocably then it would have helped, so I am telling you...

Sunflowergirl2011 Thu 18-Oct-12 19:05:28

Yanbu. You are sooo right. It's hard to believe at the time but it does get better. Well done on getting through it smile

clemetteattlee Thu 18-Oct-12 19:59:01

Thank you. When I think back I feel like I have conquered a mountain!

Sokmonsta Thu 18-Oct-12 20:14:11

Thank you x I feel sure it can get better. But right in the depths I need someone who knows x

RatherBeACyborg Thu 18-Oct-12 20:16:38

Thank you. I'm beginning to feel like I'm coming out of it.

SushiPaws Thu 18-Oct-12 20:26:38

Yanbu
I was there too, I had so much hate.
Hard to believe it now.
We need to keep talking about it, support each other as I was supported, especially on here.

SmellyFartado Thu 18-Oct-12 20:28:55

Hi clemetteattlee - completely agree with you and the more stories we share about PND and the fact that this is a perfectly common side effect (for want of a better description) after a birth, the less of a stigma it will become.

PND is horrible - it's a black cloud that you cannot shake, it engulfs you in a way that you cannot imagine and can turn you from an assertive and confident person to a (in my case) completely irrational and agrophobic individual.

I resisted it and denied that I was experiencing PND and put it down to me not coping as a result of lack of sleep/demanding baby but what I went through wasn't just not coping - it was a stain or blemish on me that had I reached out, could have easily been allieviated through antidepressants.

There's no shame whatsoever in saying 'you know what, I'm not coping' and reaching out for some help - whether that's through family/friends or medical help such as asking for antidepressants. Having a baby is an absolutely life changing experience and the pressure to do what you feel or are told is right coupled with lack of sleep/colicky baby/etc can push you to a state of exhaustion or beyond.

The OP is completely right - it does get better, the fog/black cloud will lift. If it is getting too much, talk about it or post here as there'll always be someone to listen. As a previous PND sufferer, sending my very best wishes to anyone reading this or experiencing what I felt. x

PeggyCarter Thu 18-Oct-12 20:42:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clemetteattlee Thu 18-Oct-12 21:18:04

I thought that only "bad" parents didn't love their babies; I wish I had had somewhere like this to turn to, but I suspect even if I had I wouldn't have said it out loud...

PeggyCarter Thu 18-Oct-12 21:40:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeppermintLatte Thu 18-Oct-12 21:45:16

Yanbu

Great post! It does get better and you end up getting so much love & joy from your child. Life returns to normal, it doesn't last forever, and i really hope those currently dealing with PND get some comfort from the fact that it's just a phase xxx

SmellyFartado Thu 18-Oct-12 21:45:32

Oh Joyful. It's completely bloody bleak isn't it at times? I also had irrational thoughts about harming myself and my DC as I felt that they were too perfect for the world and I didn't want anyone else touching or harming them.

Thankfuly I never did anything but I had some very dark thoughts during what was a horrible time with PND. I can fully empathise with you and know exactly what you have gone through and what you still may be going through. As you say, talking helps whether it's MN or in RL so don't ever be ashamed or feel like you can't reach out.

Hoping that the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter for you thanks

emblosion Thu 18-Oct-12 22:52:55

YANBU thank you OP.

I'm much better than I was but it means a lot to hear from someone that has come out the other side.

IfNotNowThenWhen Thu 18-Oct-12 23:00:17

God I was just thinking today that I wish I had had MN when I had PND. I never sought help but wish I had, and if I had posted here I know I would have got support.
I remember saying to Ex hat I thought I might have it, and he said "No, if you had PND you would be rocking in a corner and not able to leave the house."
Oh, OK then, I thought, and struggled on...
I loved my baby with all my heart, but felt so inadequate and stressed, and had terrible OCD , couldnt sleep between feeds, was beyond exhausted, paranoid, the lot.
Always ask for help, if you are suffering.

AlreadyScone Thu 18-Oct-12 23:03:22

Great post, OP.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 18-Oct-12 23:11:40

YANBU

I had PND after I had DS1 and felt like I would never get out of the fog. He is now 4.3, loving school, and I have had DS2 (now 18 months) and not had any PND this time.

It is utter hell when you are going through it, but it does pass and you become yourself again.

clemetteattlee Fri 19-Oct-12 12:12:35

Just keep telling yourself it is a tunnel not a hole.

PeggyCarter Sat 20-Oct-12 17:55:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slatternlymother Sat 20-Oct-12 17:59:44

YANBU.

I had so much hate, so much anger and resentment.

It has frightened me off having another child, I am so afraid of it again sad

But I am so glad to be through the other side!

SarryB Sat 20-Oct-12 19:31:20

Thank you OP.

6 months into motherhood, PND and post-natal psychosis. Things are slowly getting better.

I don't want to be scared of having another child.

elliejjtiny Sat 20-Oct-12 19:36:12

YANBU. I am a PND survivor too. I had PND 3 times but it was so much easier 2nd and 3rd time as I was closely looked after and I didn't have that awful few weeks at the beginning when I tried to struggle on without getting help.

marriedinwhite Sat 20-Oct-12 20:29:35

Oh gosh yes. I had PND after DS was born. Two and half years later our second ds died after he was born at 27 weeks. We were lucky because dd arrived 51 weeks later. But I don't remember much about that 51 weeks. DS was 2.5 - 3.5 - for years I felt guilty that I hadn't really been completely there for much of his infancy. He will be 18 on Christmas day. He is big, strong, tough, talented, popular, utterly loved and >>whispers quietly<< he remembers nothing of those years but has said (once or twice) something like "I'm really lucky mum to have you and to be a part of this family".

Having PND is not about being a failure. It is about recovering and learning to face you aren't invincible. It is about discovering something of humility and it gives one the ability to extend kindness to those who look a little under par because you understand that it isn't utterly fab for everyone in those first weeks or months or even years. That doesn't mean that your children are not utterly loved and have any less chance of succeeding than those of others; perhaps it means that they will grow up with a more sensitive and understanding parent than many.

Good luck - get well - you are as fab as the next person.

PoisonedApple Sat 20-Oct-12 21:17:54

Too true - it was bloody awful and NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT! My Mother still flatly refuses to believe I had it despite me not leaving the house for nearly a year!

inneedofsanity Sat 20-Oct-12 22:03:32

Thankyou. I am really struggling with everything right now. Just changing from Citalopram to Sertraline and feel worse right now.
Also just had a major bereavement last week so not coping.
Its good to know things can get better and the children wont really remember how sad i am...

clemetteattlee Sat 20-Oct-12 22:18:40

Your life is going to get better very soon xxx

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