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Friend's 8 year old son forgets to bring home his school shoes and coat after cubs and somehow this is my fault?

(39 Posts)
hmc Wed 17-Oct-12 20:41:23

Three of us - each have one 8 year old boy attending cubs. We take it in turns on a 1 in 3 rota to collect the 3 boys direct from school on cubs night, feed them and later on drop them to cubs. They are new to cubs so this is a new arrangement.

So yesterday it is my turn - on collecting from school, the two other boys have their book bag, a second bag with a change of clothes for cubs, their coat and their school packed lunch bag; you get the picture, quite a bit of paraphernalia.

At 6.20 I drop them at cubs. Put sundry bags and items (3 coats, torches, wellies [we have to traverse a muddy field to get to the scout hut] school bags etc) under the bench in the hall where custom and practice is that everyone's 'stuff' is left, and I hung the coats on the coat pegs. There was a pair of shoes - loose, which I put on top of the bags since i wasnt sure which boy they belonged to or indeed which boy owned which bag. I told all 3 boys (including my son) where their stuff was, physically pointing it out to them and impressing upon them not to forget it. They were due to be picked up by their dads on their way home from work - not by me.

So today I get a message from one of my friends - do I have O's school coat and shoes? I replied 'no' and explained where I left them. She pronounces herself miffed about his bloody new school shoes, and doesn't 'understand why they weren't in his bag'! I get the distinct impression I am in the dog house.....

hmc Wed 17-Oct-12 20:46:58


hmc Wed 17-Oct-12 20:49:36

Awards self with prize for the stand out 'most boring' AIBU topic

HeinousHecate Wed 17-Oct-12 20:50:23

Dad picked him up - it's his and his dad's fault.

Why is it your responsibility and not his father's, if it's anyone but him who needs to make sure he collects his stuff?

She's being stupid.

I wouldn't accept any responsibility, tbh. you dropped him off, with all his stuff.

If she's making it your fault because you're the woman, she needs shaking till her teeth rattle.

LindyHemming Wed 17-Oct-12 20:50:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hmc Wed 17-Oct-12 20:51:25

Thanks guys - was starting to feel a bit responsible!

Inertia Wed 17-Oct-12 20:51:35

Why didn't his Dad check? Can understand why she'd ask you if you'd picked him up.

Probably the dad trying to deflect the blame smile

HoneyDragon Wed 17-Oct-12 20:52:04

U know UABU

At 8 years old the responsibility lies with her Ds, not you.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Wed 17-Oct-12 20:52:10

I don't see how it is your fault, surely he and his dad should've ensured they picked up everything they needed after cubs?

DamnBamboo Wed 17-Oct-12 20:52:19

For the loose stuff, I would have checked whose shoes they were and put them with the rest of their stuff in a bag. Loose stuff will inevitably get lost by little boys.

Having said that, if their fathers are collecting them from cubs, they should have checked.

Surely the shoes aren't lost, she can go to the hut and pick them up can't she?

DamnBamboo Wed 17-Oct-12 20:52:56

Point I was making it YANBU

HeinousHecate Wed 17-Oct-12 20:53:28

No. Don't let her do that to you. I fail to see why she thinks it's your fault that he didn't listen/remember when you told him where his stuff was or that his father didn't check when he picked him up.

If she came at me with that rant about the new shoes, I'd be saying "well, perhaps his father will check in future when ^he collects him^"

DameEnidsOrange Wed 17-Oct-12 20:53:36

YY Dad's fault. Not yours.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Wed 17-Oct-12 20:55:00

Text her back "Ask your husband, as he was picking up Son and his gear. "

ExitPursuedByAaaaaarGhoul Wed 17-Oct-12 20:57:04

We used to have this when I collected DD and two others for netball. All that stuff - nightmare.

But the girls were held responsible for their own stuff. Once a pair of shoes did go missing, but they turned up in the boot of her father's car.

Tis not your fault.

fossil97 Wed 17-Oct-12 20:59:30

The lesson here is to name every sodding thing. My DS1 went to beavers on an unexpectedly cold evening last winter and lost a brand new coat for over a month (had got mixed up with the Cubs stuff so beavers leaders had no idea about it) and DS2 has lost his brand new NAMED school shoes already. For this reason my sympathies are with the mum but hard to say whose fault it is, I blame the dads for not knowing what to bring home. Also the DS but I can see that the excitement of a new group etc would have been a bit much for them.

If you are carrying on with this arrangement maybe get a big shopping bag for each child to put everything in.

hmc Wed 17-Oct-12 21:01:22

I probably should have checked whom the shoes belonged to and put them in their bag - but I was keen to get rid of the little bleeders darlings by that stage so didn't pursue it as assiduously (sp?) as I might have done ...they had been rather hyper and excitable since school pick up. However, thanks - I agree with you guys, I delivered all stuff (and boys) safely to the scout hut so am not really to blame....

hmc Wed 17-Oct-12 21:02:26

Yes fossil - I think that is the way to get. One big capacious bag per boy to put everything in

hmc Wed 17-Oct-12 21:02:43

way to 'go'

Jux Wed 17-Oct-12 21:32:21

Has the mum said any more? It may be that you are feeling guilty - for which you have no reason - and she may not be blaming you at all.

YANBU, by the way.

LIZS Wed 17-Oct-12 21:35:07

yanbu, dd left her coat at a new friend's at the weekend - her (and dh who picked up) 's fault not the hosts although I do hope friend will remember to bring it in before half term.

hmc Wed 17-Oct-12 21:36:34

No she hasn't said anything further - I do know that she does hold me partially responsible though, even if she doesn't have just cause to. She's a good sort really - she'll mull it over and see reason soon...bit frustrating in the mean time

kim147 Wed 17-Oct-12 21:37:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spatsky Wed 17-Oct-12 21:39:06

I think you're jumping th gun assuming you're being blamed.

She might be pissed off wi her son or her husband but you happened to be the one she was conversing with at the time and text someone really give you all the context. She didn't actually blame you far as I can tell.

Floggingmolly Wed 17-Oct-12 21:39:19

It sounds like her DH has told her the items weren't actually there, rather than he didn't bother to check; so she assumes you her son didn't bring them either home from school in the first place, or from your house.
Put her straight.

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