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To wonder why the elevenplus forum parents put their DC through it when

(157 Posts)
safflower Wed 17-Oct-12 14:42:07

they are so stressed themselves?

Apparently it is results day. There are parents beside themselves whilst they wait for the 4pm email. Some have had children in tears this morning worrying if they have made it. If the parents are suffering, I cannot imagine what those poor children must be feeling.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Wed 17-Oct-12 14:46:17

Some of the parents on that website are scary!

It is ridiculous to have children crying over results, and I think that if that is happening its the fault of the parents not handling the situation sensitively.

I do feel for parents going through the 11+, it's hard when you know that that is the hurdle you have to jump through to secure the right education for your dc.

safflower Wed 17-Oct-12 14:51:51

Am watching with interest and horror tbh. Obviously a stressful time but if this pressure has been around the family for up to a year or more it cannot be good for anyone.

Woozley Wed 17-Oct-12 15:11:24

Yes, can't wait for this in 3 years time. Ugh. It's not just passing, it's getting a high score as well that is important.

safflower Wed 17-Oct-12 15:16:45

I was reading back at some posts from feb/march time on there. Parents were saying how stresssed they were gettting as dc were only doing an hour a day etc and they wanted more from them hmm
ffs - nobody died because they didn't pass their 11 plus but plenty of dc end up with psychiatric problems and eating disorders from pressure to please the parent. It is all quite hideous, yet am glued to it today. [saddo emoticon]

mummymeister Wed 17-Oct-12 15:28:37

...wonder why parents put DC's through 11+? catchment school EBac score of 11% grammar school 80+%. thats why we do it really. my DS looked round the local catchment school and just hated it. he has been the driver behind the 11+ not us. if he hadnt been then he wouldnt have done the extra work at home or sat the exam.

safflower Wed 17-Oct-12 15:34:49

Not wonder why they put them through it, but wonder why they put them through it when they themselves get so stressed out for months, what does that do for the child? They pick up on it.

No problem with 11 plus. I went to a GS, but there was no pressure to practice at all. I don't even remember my parents discussing it with me, they were that laid back. Things have clearly changed.

saintlyjimjams Wed 17-Oct-12 15:37:47

Yes it can be a bit intense on there.

Mosman Wed 17-Oct-12 15:52:55

I think the parents let it out on that forum rather than

Mosman Wed 17-Oct-12 15:53:25

In real life much as most do here on mumsnet

IKilledIgglePiggle Wed 17-Oct-12 16:05:11

My DS got 282..... The maximum mark.

You should see the mothers I have had mooching up to me this week, it's so competitive and sad......I am very proud but am so so not the bragging kind.

Our results arrived on Saturday morning

TheCraicDealer Wed 17-Oct-12 16:18:25

When my DT and I sat the 11+ everyone in our year at primary school also did it at the same time, it was no biggy- that's just the way it was before Sinn Fein "scrapped" it. Now the whole system is waaaay more stressful and I feel sorry for any child going through it.

thekidsrule Wed 17-Oct-12 17:05:58

yanbu op but i come from a very different background regarding upbringing and education so find it difficult to sympathise etc with parents like you described

half the time when an educational topic,grammar etc and guidlines come up i havent s clue what posters are on about

so maybe im a little harsh on a pushy parent because of my upbringing and living or atleast feel like i live a different life from many on MN

anyway think i may pop over to that forum now for some light entertainment wink

Sparklingbrook Wed 17-Oct-12 17:18:24

Dim question alert. I have a DS of 13 and a DS of 10. I don't even know what the eleven plus is? blush It is because there are no Grammar Schools round here?

IKilledIgglePiggle Wed 17-Oct-12 17:30:26

The eleven plus is the Grammar school entrance test. In our county it consist of two papers, verbal reasoning and non verbal reasoning, children sit them in year 5 and depending on the outcome you can apply for a place at a grammar school.

If you don't have the grammar system near you then I suppose it's not a concern.

Getting into a Grammar is like free private scoop round here, that's how it's viewed anyway......lots of boys from prep schools failed but are going on to a private secondary rather than the local comp.

IKilledIgglePiggle Wed 17-Oct-12 17:31:34

School.....not scoop, bloody I pad.

Sparklingbrook Wed 17-Oct-12 17:33:33

Thanks Iggle. It's a bit odd round here because they don't got to High School til Year 8 anyway. I don't think I will start worrying then. grin

gallifrey Wed 17-Oct-12 18:32:53

I grew up in Kent where the 11+ is still going. I didn't realise until I was older that not everywhere did it.
Bloody awful thing, I failed mine but still went to a good school, still hurts even now that I was branded a failure at that age.

Tressy Wed 17-Oct-12 18:39:15

It was only when I joined mumsnet 7 years ago that I found out they still had 11+. We are from a fully comprehensive area and the nearest grammar school is 40 miles away.

Sparklingbrook Wed 17-Oct-12 18:54:58

I think my Dad did the 11 plus. He's 73. grin

eBook Wed 17-Oct-12 19:31:53

Everyone used to have to do the 11 plus. And most of the older generation are perfectly well-adjusted.

invicta Wed 17-Oct-12 19:38:33

The other forum is good for providing support, advice and information. The parents may be a bit frantic, but no different to the year 6 parents I saw at the school gate. Its an important day, and can affect the course of the child's life. For alot of people, that website is the main source of information about the 11+, because schools are useless at providing information (or are not allowed to ).

busyboysmum Wed 17-Oct-12 19:41:23

I did the 11 plus but it was less competitive in my day which is why there was no stress I think. Basically you did it at school and about a quarter of your class would pass and go to the local grammar school. Usually the brightest ones and no-one got tutored.

Nowadays it is crazy here - we are in Trafford. For 180 places at the GS which is 5 mins walk from us there were over 1300 applicants. Many of whom live no-where near, aren't even in Trafford. I think because of the recession it must have got worse because people who would have sent their kids to private school are now doing minimum 2 years of prep school and/or intensive coaching to make sure they don't have to pay 7 years of private fees.

My ds1 has just taken his but we made sure that there was no stress, asked him if he wanted to do it which he did because all his mates were, we prepared him for the tests here which are Verbal Reasoning, NVR and maths. Then we left it at that. We get our results on Monday so we will see how things go, there is a bit of nerves because I know how intensively others have prepared their kids for it so you do wonder if you are letting your child down by not pushing them hard, but I do believe in a good life/work balance. He is only 10 after all.

safflower Thu 18-Oct-12 11:15:35

Yes, in my day everyone did it. Nobody made a big deal of it either. Some went off to GS others didn't. There wasn't even much discussion. Certainly nobody felt they were a failure for not getting through it and nobody thought they were anything greater for passing. I think in those days none of us worried about the next school. You just went to school A or B

socharlotte Thu 18-Oct-12 12:31:11

Kids put pressure on themselves too.it's not all down to parents!
My 7yo has 3 elder sibs at GS and I can tell it is already preying on her mind,

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