to wonder how people with 2 under 2s cope?(92 Posts)
Generally I have a very good life which I love but for the odd day (maybe one day a month) I absolutely hate it!
I have a 21mo and a 3mo and love them to bits but on days like this where they are both being difficult plus being exhausted myself I wonder how others cope and wonder if I am actually cut out to be a mum at all!?
So far 3mo didn't want to sleep this am so gets overtired followed by meltdown while his sister simultaneously finds it hilarious to put in requests for food and drink and not have them, take the rubbish out the bin and play with it (when she knows not to), switch the dishwasher etc on and generally touch everything so I feel like I spend all day saying "don't touch this, don't do that"... saving grace is that the naughty step seemed to work.
My first two were 13 months apart. It was a long time ago so I'm probably remembering it through rose coloured specs!
I was organised, I went out a lot with the double buggy ( didn't drive then ) for long walks, visiting friends, or just round the shops.
It was hard work but I was young and just got on with it. But I do remember crying at the sink because they both were screaming one day.
Have you got support? Do you get out and about? I always think staying in with a baby is really hard and can be lonely.
It does get easier, promise.
No proper advice really but I promise it gets easier. I had a 17 month age gap between my 2DS and there were days when I could have quite happily torn my hair out but they were far outweighed by the good times.
My DS are 4 & 3 now and they run me ragged but they have such a great relationship and play lovely together
most of the time ! Good luck
I had 2 under 2 (22 months between my elder 2). It is incredibly hard. I remember DH going back to work leaving me with our 22 month old and poorly FTT 10 day old. I actually cried with relief when DH lost his job 2 months later. However they are now 4 and 6 and are the best of friends. It will get better.
I found the best thing was to go out as much as possible. People used to say how well I was doing taking them both to toddler group when DS2 was only a couple of weeks old but it was easier than at home because there would always be someone to play with DS1 while I fed DS2.
I should know the answer to this as I had 2 under 2 when my boys were little. But, I don't. It was hell and all I remember of it is feeling exhausted and miserable. Which doesnt help you at all. Sorry
But by age 4 and 3, things were easier and now at 10 and nearly 9 it's a piece of cake. Until they get to teenagers but I'm trying not to think about that.
I also have a 16 month old and am 6 months pregnant. I will have a 19 month age gap and in all honesty I am dreading it.
I had a 15 month gap, followed by an 18 month gap - so I had three under-threes at one point.
I had one rule. No matter how bad the weather, or how tired I was,
or the fact that I'd just accidentally washed the children's hair with baby oil, so they looked completely uncared for, we went for a walk. We got out of the house every day.
It will get better, I promise!
In a very few months they will start to discover each other as interesting fellow-creatures and you will find it easier to entertain both.
Mine were 18 months apart and I remember sitting in the sandpit with both, trying to stop the big one from pouring sand over the little one, almost dizzy with exhaustion, and my neighbour looked over the fence and said 'It's all right for some!'
It's still very early days for you all.
I have 20 month age gap and another vote here for going out to lots of toddler groups and similar. The toddler has toys and people to play with and everyone wants a cuddle of baby so actual chance of cuppa in peace (in theory).
I got through it by basically making newborn fit in to everything. Not very fair perhaps but only way for me to manage, t did however make her settle herself to sleep very early and she was always a good sleeper.
i hear you, feel like i'm getting to the other side now youngest is 3 and the older is 4 and at school.
dont set high unrealistic targets, try and get out of the house every day - libraries, playgroups, the park, just on a bus ride to see where it goes. take snacks with you.
it will pass but i think i spent the first year with my head down not appreciaiting much of it - in fact my memory of that year is just a blur - i can't remember any of ds1's achievements like his first word or when he started to walk, talk etc.
jeee that made me smile!
Yes I think the trick is to get out as the few times we've been out they both seem to sleep better (nice break for me) and are entertained while we're out.
I need to find some baby groups locally I think, I did try one but was a bit disappointed as only two (friendly) dads were there and I was looking forward to meeting quite a few more people. It was nice to chat to the dads but before we moved here ( about 2 months ago) I knew where the baby groups were and who the mums and dads were etc. Sometimes just seems a bit lonely, I think b/c dh is away for work at the mo.
Off to my parents this afternoon so that should help. Glad it's not just me that has the odd little cry tho!
I found Charlie and Lola to be a godsend when mine were that age ... especially when trying to feed DD2.
Also, if possible, taking a lunchtime nap all together. Me and DD2 in the big bed with DD1 in her cot at the side (so as not to be squashed by wriggling toddler).
Just try and slow things down. At that age, doing everything is interesting for a 21month old. If you take half an hour to walk to the shops whilst not stepping on the cracks, then why not? It´ll make the older one happy and the tiny one won`t care. I was guilty of trying to get everything DONE, when really, it was much more fun for us all when we just enjoyed DOING the stuff ...
Oh yes, and did I mention Charlie and Lola???
Those first 6 months with 2 under 2 are a bit of a blur, but it only got easier. It has been so convenient having them close in age, now my older 2 are 12 and 11 and they are great company for each other. The first time they played properly was at about 2years (dd1) and 8 months (dd2), we have photos of them on seesaws etc at that age, so I suppose that's when it started to be worth it.
Oh, and the crying? HELL YES! We are abroad and DH was working away a lot in DD2´s first year. I found it v hard and DH got to the point of flying a friend over to cheer me up ...
Keep looking, all you need are a couple of people that you can see each week and that´s it, sanity comes flooding back x
no real advice here I remember only too well how exhausting it was.
But as others have said it does get better - it only seems like 5 mins ago mine were that age and now they are both at secondary school! You wont have to wait that long i hasten to add!!
Don't worry about getting everything done- do the basics and try and get some enjoy time every day x
It gets easier! The first 6 months are the worst imo, I am due my third (well over due now lol) & I have a 3 year gap now from new baby to my middle child. I would never do a small gap again.
With my two I had to get out everyday even if it was just an hour or two.
We went to mums & tot groups twice a week and the library or park the other days.
It does get a lot easier I promise!
I had 3 under 2!! Ds3 was 14mths when the Dts were born. It was hard to start with but once we had a routine in place it got easyer....... routine was our best friend in the early months.
They are now 2.6 and 1.4 and its so much easyer that they are all walking and able to do the same things so there is no getting bored or fustrated because one is getting more attention than the other etc. It does help if you have someone who can help out from time to time so you have some 1-1 time with each dc.
My two are the same age op, I also have a 4 year old which I think to an extent makes things easier as we HAVE to be ready every morning to get him to school so we are up, about and out IYSWIM. I found it harder when DC1 was younger to get out . I echo the posters who have said get out the house, mine are quiet when the buggy stops.
It is hard though and DH works away mon to fri, I actually don't sit down between 7am and 7pm
but the weights falling off me so won't complain
I had two boys 14 months apart. It's really tough to begin with and there are days when you just want to scream but I can assure you it does get better. My youngest is 20 months old and the two boys now play together. I always make a point of going out all morning and then at about 3.30 we take the dog for a walk or go to the park for an hour we then go back home for tea, bath and bed and before you know it its gin and tonic time. I have no grandparents around and a husband that works silly hours so isn't hugely hands on in the week. It does help if even once a week just for a few hours you get to do something by yourself. It will help keep you sane!
I have same age gap and same ages! It is hard work. We go out twice a day early in the morning and late afternoon: the baby naps and the toddler runs off enough steam to make sure he has a good lunch time nap and settles at bed time. We started doing groups at the beginning of Sept, but I look back and wonder what I was thinking! I ended up sitting on the floor of various church halls feeding the baby and being clambered on by the toddler... The toddler goes to nursery one day a week which is fantastic and gets him mixing with kids his age, rather than trying to chat to a baby. I get through the meltdowns and tiredness by thinking about by great aunt who had six each eighteen months apart. And then two more some years later.
Marking place and will follow this thread with interest. As of the end of this week I will have 2 under 2. DD1 is 19 months and DD2 is on her way out by the weekend.
Livinglife -we have the same routine! It does work and you are right, it makes the evening routine a lot easier.
Ha! None of you are filling me with confidence here. DS will be 20months when DC2 arrives.
Yes defo go out lots! Persevere with baby groups- the more you go the better they get as you form friendships.
Ipswichwitch - it is lovely having them so close! Yesterday at toddler group the big one put his arm round the little one's shoulders and they sat like that spellbound all through storytime. These moments far outnumber the times when they have both cried. I never thought they would get attached to eachother so quickly.
Hopefully I will have 2 under 2 at the beginning of next year.
I have 3 friends who have small age gaps and they all tsay the first 6-8 months are the worst
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