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to think it shouldn't be this hard

(10 Posts)
ButTheButtons Tue 16-Oct-12 22:28:21

Got 2 DS's. One is 6 and the other is 2. My 6 year old's behaviour at home has become horrible. He's angry, shouty and overly sensitive. My 2 year old is a live wire and seems to have sidestepped the toddler years and gone straight to playing with the big boys! They fight dreadfully sometimes and hurt each other and scream that they hate each other. next minute they are cuddling and making up. So far, so fairly standard boys behaviour but I just don't seem to be able to cope with this. It feels like a non-stop fire fighting battle at the moment just trying to get through the day without losing the plot. Earlier this evening the youngest woke up needing a wee and afterwards sat on the bathroom floor crying and lashing out at me. I eventually got him back to bed only for my eldest to start yelling half an hour later. He cries out when he needs a wee sometimes so I took him to the toilet and he just went crazy! Yelling, saying that he hated me and hitting out. He was still pretty much asleep so I assume he was having a nightmare/night terror but whilst this was going on I heard the youngest also yelling 'I hate you'! I just started to cry. I can't believe that I've fecked up so badly that they can both say they hate me and seem to be so angry.

I know this is long but surely it shouldn't be so bloody difficult?! AIBU to wish for a couple of kids who can just get along with each other and not fight against me so much?

hiddenhome Tue 16-Oct-12 22:42:50

123 Magic by Tom Phelan. This book will help you regain control smile It even worked with my ds1 who has adhd.

JustSpidero Tue 16-Oct-12 22:43:24

Have they always been like this or has anything happened recently that might have triggered it?

It sounds like your 2yo might be copying his brother and the other older children he plays with.

Have you a Surestart Centre near you? They may be able to give you some advice re discipline/coping strategies.

Re the 'hate you' thing - I suspect most kids go through this to varying degrees. My DD went through a phase when she was about 3 of telling me 'I love Daddy more than you' or vice versa. The less you react the quicker it stops.

MrsKeithRichards Tue 16-Oct-12 22:43:49

Does that book work for 7 year olds?

RavenVonChaos Tue 16-Oct-12 22:50:31

my kids hate me and i hate them today. to be honest. Its really fucking hard.

ButTheButtons Tue 16-Oct-12 23:01:01

Justspidero: they've always been quite argumentative with each other. Separately they are pretty much fine but together they can be hideous. I think my eldest has sibling rivalry without really realising it. Over the past year I have become a SAHM and I think I'm struggling with that. My DP's works long hours and he's not very helpful at the weekends without lots of coaxing. I find myself forever harking back to the days when it was just the 3 of us and thinking about how lovely my eldest was then. I often think I should only have had one child and I hate myself for thinking this.

What a moans mare I am. Maybe I spend too long wishing they would behave the way I want them to rather than accepting them for who they are. Sheesh. Must get a grip.

hiddenhome Tue 16-Oct-12 23:01:19

It's for children from 2-12 MrsKeith

vamosbebe Tue 16-Oct-12 23:03:13

can't give advice but am sending hugs from Spain x

JustSpidero Tue 16-Oct-12 23:17:13

That must be tough on you and perhaps your eldest is feeling it that his dad isn't around so much, combined with youngest being more active and therefore maybe needing more attention.

Do you have any siblings yourself? I have read books about being an only and it's quite common for adult only children to find it particularly hard to cope when their children don't get on as they aren't used to dealing with sibling relationships first hand.

I am no expert on siblings or boys though as I'm an only child with an only DD!

pjmama Tue 16-Oct-12 23:27:24

You have my sympathy! I have 6yo twins and am bloody sick of refereeing. Also in the last 3 months or so, my DS has morphed from a sweet, loving, sensitive little boy into a cheeky, rude, naughty, manipulative, obnoxious little sod! grin I'm hoping it's just a phase of boundary testing that he's going through, he should be back to normal by the time he hits his twenties.

Off for a large wine and a quiet weep...!

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