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to ask you all for tips on how not to cry?

(23 Posts)
deburca Tue 16-Oct-12 21:28:27

I cry over the same problem all the time, there is no resolving it and Im aware of that - I would like to be in control of my feelings a bit more as sometimes when I am caught unaware regarding it I cry, any suggestions? Im not so silly as to think that it will cease to hurt me, I just want to keep my hurt private if you see what I mean?

SoleSource Tue 16-Oct-12 21:29:25

Any clues? Man, death of a loved one, bad childhood?

BertieBotts Tue 16-Oct-12 21:30:51

Think of something neutral every time - not something funny as if you're feeling emotionally unsteady that will cause you to burst out laughing, but just something utterly mundane and normal. Mine for some reason is an old schoolfriend's mum confused

It's not too healthy to bottle things up though... I hope you're getting some form of support?

WelshMoth Tue 16-Oct-12 21:31:20

If it were me, then talking about it with a neutral listener, then talking some more, would take the emotion of it out for me. Off-loading, so to speak. Is this an option for you? Do you think perhaps that bottling it in actually makes you worse?

ivanapoo Tue 16-Oct-12 21:32:06

Dealing with the issue will help, surely?

On a more practical/tactical level:

Every time you think you're going to cry think of something really hilarious like your favourite funny tv show or character.

Start singing an upbeat funky song you like

Focus really hard on something else

Force yourself to smile/grin

chemenger Tue 16-Oct-12 21:33:11

Concentrate on relaxing your stomach muscles, I don't know why it works, maybe just distraction, but it does help.

blue2 Tue 16-Oct-12 21:34:26

I use Rescue Remedy. You can get it from chemists.

It's supposed to work... not sure if it actually does, but once I've taken it, I feel immediately better.

I use it on days when I know I'll cry about random stuff.

RawShark Tue 16-Oct-12 21:36:04

I agree with the above that you shouldn't keep it in all the time and you need to take some steps about coming to terms with it.

But if you're talking about how to temporarily stop crying on the bus/in the toilets then I always just tell myself to put it in a different box which I will open later - and think about something practical like planning dinner or writing a list of small tasks I need to do. Everytime my mind slides off the humdrum planning I make myself go back to it. Takes some practice though.

Works for me, sometimes.

deburca Tue 16-Oct-12 21:37:28

It happens really when I see certain people, your advice is so much appreciated. I just want to have a bit of dignity rather than dissolving into tears!

thebody Tue 16-Oct-12 21:38:09

Hi op,

I have the same problem and have to be very careful not to cry in front of my dd( who is the hurt person) or my dh( has to be protected like dd) or my dss( staying strong so can't see me collapse).

So I cycle, stop at a certain quiet place, have a weep, get back on the bike, carry on and smile.

deburca Tue 16-Oct-12 21:39:38

sorry meant to say that I have talked this over with a counsellor and also a close friend but for some reason it raises its head every now and again - more so lately as running into some people who I would rather not, cant be avoided, family gatherings etc, but I just seem so unable to control my emotions at the minute. sad

ChristmasKate Tue 16-Oct-12 21:42:04

I pinch the spare skin (is it spare confused?) in between my thumb and index finger and concentrate on the pain. I can make it look like I'm listening but inside I'm thinking "shit that hurts"

I bet the stomach one up thread would work without the pain in the same way.

Agree with dealing with your emotions though.

thebody Tue 16-Oct-12 21:42:43

Head outside or to the toilets, centre yourself, deep breathe, put face on, emerge stronger...

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Tue 16-Oct-12 21:44:08

Can you just say to them that you don't want to discuss it at the moment? Or could we not discuss it as I'm not up to it? Would you mind if we changed the subject?

Or something along those lines?

Hope you're getting plenty of rl support x

IvorHughJackolantern Tue 16-Oct-12 21:44:37

I had this, was part of PTSD. My counsellor did something called EMDR with me and it really helped. Have a google, perhaps it could help you too?

deburca Tue 16-Oct-12 21:44:57

it frustrates me no end!! i just want to be able to take a deep breath without sobbing and being angry with myself for it. Its uncontrolable at times, really bad.

thebody Tue 16-Oct-12 21:55:09

Op my dd (13) is having EMDR for PTSD and its helped her..

We just cope day to day... Crying is cathartic I find but pick your times and be alone, it can be very empowering...

Tinyfeetbiggob Tue 16-Oct-12 21:58:59

I can relate to this - when you feel the tears welling try rubbing your tongue against the roof of your mouth -sounds strange I know but it works for me

thebody Tue 16-Oct-12 22:51:07

This thread beyond sad. Opting out now, good luck op and pm me if you want go chat further, good to know others understand xxx

sallysparrow157 Tue 16-Oct-12 22:58:09

chew gum before going into triggering situations - chewing seems to help prevent crying - have learnt this trick from a nurse friend, we often pass around the gum before going into a sad situation at work. Obviously doesn't help with the cause of whatever is making you feel like this but helps you keep it togther in difficult situations whilst you are dealing with things

sallysparrow157 Tue 16-Oct-12 22:59:57

Tinyfeet - I have heard that used as a trick for situations other than wanting to cry - if you're struggling to keep your cool in an argument write 'fuck off' (or expletive of choice) on the roof of your mouth with your tongue! Far more satisfying than counting to 10!!

larks35 Tue 16-Oct-12 23:05:01

Humming helps me to not cry when I really don't want to let go of emotions. Think of a song that cheers you and quietly (or silently, I have mastered silent humming!) hum it, I have managed to hear the entire backing orchestra in my head to keep my mind on the music rather than the emotion.

missmatched Tue 16-Oct-12 23:26:58

looking up is suppossed to work.

goodluck.

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