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AIBU?

to think it can't possibly be that hard

59 replies

caeleth · 16/10/2012 20:05

To talk to your child??

DH seems unable to comprehend how it works. He can drone on and on to me about things i care nothing about (mostly cars), but DS gets a "hi ds......hi ds..........

OP posts:

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Sirzy · 16/10/2012 20:08

I always found it hard to talk to DS before he was vocal, one way conversation just doesn't come naturally to me. The more he started responding the more I would talk.

Can you encourage him to sing to him or something instead?

wannabedomesticgoddess · 16/10/2012 20:12

Hes probably just a bit self conscious. And a 4 month old wont really respond in an over the top way. Give him some time. He will get there eventually.

pictish · 16/10/2012 20:13

I never got much satisfaction out of conversing with a 4 month old either - I felt like I may as well have been talking to the cat.

NoodieRoodie · 16/10/2012 20:13

Dh found it hard in the beginning until I suggested drummed into him that he could talk about anything.

After that he would sit with DS reading and discussing articles in techy/geeky magazines that he used to talk to me about and I would barely feign interest in.

He soon discovered that DS was a far better audience!

hazeyjane · 16/10/2012 20:13

I did think your ds was going to be a bit older. I agree that maybe it will just take a bit of time and also when you ds starts to respond a bit more to things, it is easier to play more.

ClippedPhoenix · 16/10/2012 20:17

I'd do what Noodie suggests. Whilst I agree it shouldn't be the case but a majority of men just don't know how to interract with such tiny ones.

BeingBooyhoo · 16/10/2012 20:18

i'm a single parent so when ds1 was born he was the only person there to talk to. if i didn't talk to him during the day i wouldn't have talked! it was really just me thinking out loud "i wonder should i take that washing in now, it looks like it might rain" or describing what we were doing, "lets get that bum changed". i think because your DP has another adult to talk to he doesn't 'need' to talk to the baby so he may find it pointless when there is an adult there who can actually respond. also some people just dont relate to non verbal babies very easily. there is nothing wrong with that as long as teh baby is getting verbal attention from you. no harm in encouraging DH either though.

maddening · 16/10/2012 20:20

When he comes in give him a book to read to ds - or any book - but a book with pictures as dh can then describe the pictures too?

caeleth · 16/10/2012 20:21

All very true. I think i'll try stressing the geeky/car stuff as i wouldn't mind not listening to it...

It's just that he needs to find some way of entertaining him since he'll soon have to have him for 9+ hours straight. Currently whining starts after 5mins and if i'm gone for an hour or so he'll have spent most of it screaming :(

Don't want to scar them both him for life when i go back to work...

OP posts:

Sirzy · 16/10/2012 20:23

He will soon realise when he is alone with him what works to keep him happy!

apostropheuse · 16/10/2012 20:28

You might find that your dh is perfectly happy to speak more to the baby when he's on his own with him - some people are just a bit self-conscious about it.

Someone else suggested a book for DH to read with the baby. That's a great idea. The "That's not my..." series (touchy/feely books) are great for very young babies. They love the repetition of it.

EnglishGirlApproximately · 16/10/2012 21:08

Dp was the same until he realised that Ds was a captive audience for his guitar playing. Now I give it minutes between me leaving the room and the music starting

He just needs to find something he's comfortable doing, he'll get there :)

MrsKeithRichards · 16/10/2012 22:07

Stop the bus!

You're meant to talk to them on top of everything else?

BlueSkySinking · 16/10/2012 23:46

Lead by example. Let your DH catch you chatting to baby.

Or suggest how he can talk to the baby as he might be unsure. Ask him to tell the baby what is happening, also ask him to point things out to baby, also ask him to make silly noises/faces etc ..

caeleth · 17/10/2012 09:19

mrskeithrichards hehe, well, talk or anything else really. The sitting still in silence isn't working so well for him ;)

Have got the "thats not my dragon" and a bunch of other books ds likes, but dh will only read if i pointedly ask him to... maybe i need more in norwegian as he feels silly reading in english. (Not that there are many words!)

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 17/10/2012 09:21

your baby is 4 months old wait until the baby is older bet dad will be blethering about cars and stuff and leave you alone don't worry about it a 16 week old baby doesn't need that much input ,

GoSakuramachi · 17/10/2012 09:22

He's 4 months old. He doesn't care.

Mrsjay · 17/10/2012 09:23

MY dh could talk the hind legs of you so he would just talk shit to them all the time I trhink he just liked a captive audience , your husband will get there as soon as he seems baby starting to respond he will be fine

valiumredhead · 17/10/2012 10:30

At 4 months they don't need 'entertaining.' It'll probably come more naturally later on when he is older.

redskyatnight · 17/10/2012 10:32

Suggest DH reads car magazines to him and shows him the pictures?

valiumredhead · 17/10/2012 10:36

It sounds like you are making a really big deal out of it tbh - let him get on with it and find his own way with ds. When ds was that age he just watched me getting on with the housework/cooking.

Callisto · 17/10/2012 10:37

I talked non-stop to DD from the moment she was born. In fact I talked to her before she was born too. It is something I've always done with my various animals too. Because DH was very used to this he got into talking to DD immediately too.

I think that even tiny babies respond to a familiar voice. They can hear in the womb, why wouldn't they want to be talked to? It isn't about entertainment, it is about comfort and familiarity. I'm also sure that DD is so articulate and has such a wide vocabulary now because I have always spoken to her (and none of that rubbish 'mumese' either).

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BloodRedAlienReflux · 17/10/2012 10:40

Awwww, give him a break, my fella was exactly the same, he found it silly to sit and chat with a 4 month old, he grew into it as the baby became more responsive. Just because he's not like you, doesn't mean he doesn't care. And if he's self concious reading in English, get some Norwegian books. But back off a bit he's trying!

valiumredhead · 17/10/2012 10:40

Talking IS important but naturally like you did Call not 'entertaining' as the OP seems to want - it sounds forced and uncomfortable. Talking to a baby is very important for development but OP's dh just needs to work it out for himself. It sounds like the baby is getting lots of input from his mum so I doubt he's suffering too much.

valiumredhead · 17/10/2012 10:42

Thinking back, when dh used to come in from work he used to scoop ds up and they had cuddle time, not a lot of talking but plenty of eye contact and snuggles on the sofa in front of the telly. They talk non stop these days -can't shut them up!

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