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My friend wants me to invite her sister to my party, whom I detest! Advice please

(36 Posts)
cornwallk Tue 16-Oct-12 17:31:24

Hi,

I have had a really tough year, losing my first baby to a missed miscarriage (no heartbeat at our scan). It has taken me a while to pick myself up but I am getting there and as part of the getting the old me back, I am having a small gathering of friends round, not disimilar to an avon party type thing, with drinks and nibbles.

One of my better friends, who's knows what a tough year I have had has now asked if she can invite her sister, to cut a very long story short, this sister has been a complete bitch to me and my partner in the past and has never invited us to any of her parties. It since transpires that my friend has just got engaged and wants to announce to everyone on my party night, so wants her vile sister there also.

I feel a bit childish about this, but all of a sudden my 'trying to get myself back together' party feels like it has turned into an engagement announcement party and I feel obliged to invite someone into my home, that makes me feel very uncomfortable. I know the excitement of the engagement has meant my friend is not thinking about anything like this and perhaps in many ways I am being silly, but this was a big deal for me and now it feels like its become something else and I feel like cancelling the whole thing.

I would also like to add that it is not helped by the fact I have been engaged to my fiance for over 5 years now and he keeps putting setting a date off, which I am also highly sensitive about and my friend knows this. So why of all places does she feel it appropriate to make her announcement in my home, after everything I feel I am trying to cope with?

What do I do?
I feel like I am being a baby but its how I feel and I genuinely feel really upset about it all now.

Many thanks

BackforGood Tue 16-Oct-12 17:33:48

Just say "Sorry, it's not a big do. You know what a year I've had, so you'll understand I just want to keep it small and understated. Maybe if I have a bigger do another time" and leave it at that.
Nobody ever should invite people they don't want to a party - a party is supposed to be enjoyable, whatever form it takes.

neolara Tue 16-Oct-12 17:34:47

Does your df know know her sister has been horrible to you? If so, it's quite odd that she wants to ask her along. I'd tell her that you don't want the sister along and I'd explain why - and I'm normally a complete wimp about stuff like that. You don't need to be nasty about it, just explain why you feel how you do. I'm sure your friend will understand.

eBook Tue 16-Oct-12 17:36:32

YANBU.

It's selfish and inppropriate for your friend to hijack your party in this way. Tell her that you'd rather not have any announcements at the party and you're sorry but her sister won't be invited. No-one should make their own announcement at someone else's party, and it's a shame it has "transpired" rather than her even asking you first!

If she's a good friend she'll understand and should really be apologetic for putting you out and being presumptuous. If not, well that's sad, but you have every right to make your own specifications for the party you are hosting.

MaMaPo Tue 16-Oct-12 17:47:00

What's wrong with 'I'd prefer not to - but why not throw your own party? Two parties are better than one.'

There is no reason to cater to her 2 demands (sister, engagement announcement).

scootle Tue 16-Oct-12 17:48:56

Definitely say no. That's really cheeky.

MsOnatopp Tue 16-Oct-12 18:04:59

Definite no, and tell her you don't want any announcements at your party. Honestly that is just not on.

TheCraicDealer Tue 16-Oct-12 18:07:41

Hmm, I'd be tempted to say yes and then present her with a bill for the drinks and nibbles and room hire for her "announcement party". Cheeky bitch. Hugs!

HazleNutt Tue 16-Oct-12 18:12:05

YANBU and your friend is very cheeky - it's your party, and she wants to make it all about her. Tell her to throw her own party to announce the engagement and she can then ask whomever she wants.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 16-Oct-12 18:15:00

think you need a new friend - she clearly isnt considerate to your feelings - about the baby - the fact you hate her sister and want to bring her - announcing her engagement at your party - are 3 things that a good friend wouldnt do

think you need to sit down to dp as well and talk about if and when

tbh i dont understand those who get engaged and set the date, obv weddings are expensive but surely a date can be set for 2/3years while you save up

pigletmania Tue 16-Oct-12 19:15:42

YANBU. Why the hell is your friend announcing her engagement at your party. Just tell her no sorry it's a small gathering for only close friends. Don't invite her

plutocrap Tue 16-Oct-12 19:17:04

Thank goodness she asked, though, so you can say no to both the sister and the announcement!

Fakebook Tue 16-Oct-12 19:22:24

What a cow your "friend" is. Say you don't feel up to a big gathering and would rather have a few close friends around than other people aswell. Really emphasise that.

Uppermid Tue 16-Oct-12 19:25:04

Tell her no. It's a small do and she'd be best off holding her own party to make her announcement.

Tnetennba Tue 16-Oct-12 19:30:27

The first answer you had from BackforGood is perfect. Do what she/he says and don't worry about it any more.

WildWorld2004 Tue 16-Oct-12 19:34:49

I agree. Just tell her no her sister cant come. If she was a friend she wouldnt want to make that announcement at YOUR party.

Bogeyface Tue 16-Oct-12 19:39:06

What everyone else said.

And now would be a good time to sit down with your DF and talk about the wedding and why he wont commit. A 5 year engagement with no reason is silly if you dont know why he wont set the date.

pigletmania Tue 16-Oct-12 19:42:09

She sounds very insensitive does she know at you don't get on with her sister

ChasedByBees Tue 16-Oct-12 19:42:15

She's being really thoughtless to try and hijack your party. Say no on all counts.

maddening Tue 16-Oct-12 20:28:46

Tell Jeremy no but you'll help her plan a big shiny engagement party.

maddening Tue 16-Oct-12 20:29:19

her fuck knows who jeremy is!

MrsEricBana Tue 16-Oct-12 20:32:45

Agree YADNBU

MrsCR Tue 16-Oct-12 20:38:40

my heart goes out to you, she is being very insensitive and agree with Backfor good, or if you cant face the confrontation then cancel and wait for her announcement then do your party after the dust has settled

chin up and keep smiling

Wolfiefan Tue 16-Oct-12 20:43:41

I'd say you only want a few friends around for a quiet do. (I totally understand that after a missed mc. They suck!) How about a night out and a meal?
You can then duck out when you have had enough.

BlueSkySinking Tue 16-Oct-12 21:03:51

''sorry can;t invite sis as she has been quite difficult over the last year. It's only a small do for close friends anyway to mark the end of my hard year''

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