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To think that he should be the one to move?

(9 Posts)
itsallgonepetetongue Tue 16-Oct-12 16:48:23

I'm 12 weeks pregnant with dp and have a ds from a previous relationship. Me and dp are living seperately, moving in has always been on the cards but we have been putting it off.

He lives about 25 miles away, takes about 25 minutes, but he works even further South. He's been saying for a long time that he's going to look for a new job closer to mine but there's never really been any urgency. Now he's saying he doesn't want to move up here and can only see it working if I move over to him.

My arguement is, ds is settled and happy in school, I need to stay in my job to get my maternity pay and will be more difficult to find a new job with two children to work around, I've got loads of family round here and being a single parent that's been a huge support network for me, and would continue to be when I'm on mat leave. I'm less likely to be mobile than him as in he's used to just hopping on the motorway, I'm far less likely to do that as (a) I hate motorway driving and to the point that I just won't do it (b) will even more with two kids in tow. I'm quite happy to buy somewhere else round here so that it feels like ours.

His only arguement for not is that he's been brought up where he lives and doesn't want to change jobs. But in terms of going back to visit he's only got his mum and dad down there, most of his family are up North anyway. And I know he'll think nothing of driving down of a weekend to see his mum. My arguement is that a job is unlikely to last forever anyway, his co worker is retiring soon anyway and he's already said he'll hate it once he's gone. He also reckons he might have to take a cut on salary, but it won't be massive and could also mean an opportunity to retrain slightly. Seems we've hit a brick wall and I'm quite worried.

mercibucket Tue 16-Oct-12 17:36:07

Why does he only see the relationship working if you move? Is he just making excuses? Doesn't sound v committed to the relationship and so on those grounds, don't move away from your support network!

mercibucket Tue 16-Oct-12 17:36:08

Why does he only see the relationship working if you move? Is he just making excuses? Doesn't sound v committed to the relationship and so on those grounds, don't move away from your support network!

honeytea Tue 16-Oct-12 17:48:48

Why don't you move somewhere in tge middle?

Didn't you talk about this before you got pregnant?

itsallgonepetetongue Tue 16-Oct-12 17:59:51

We have and he's always said he will/is looking for a new job.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Tue 16-Oct-12 18:13:17

Your 'D'P sounds like a knob.

I had children from a previous relationship when I met DH, he lived about an hour and a half away. There was never any question that he would move to me if we were going to stay together. I would never have uprooted my children for any man. And any man that expected me to would not have been worthy of being in my dcs lives.

Tell him no!

Ginda Tue 16-Oct-12 18:38:45

He does not really value your relationship and would not mind much if it ended.

I know this because my situation is the same as yours, except I'm not pregnant. Boyfriend couldn't possibly live with me and my DCs because it's "not convenient for work". Except my commute is the same as his would be and I manage it!

It's only a matter of time before I end it.

In your case it is harder because you are pregnant. But as your DP is clearly not very interested in anything other than his own well being, I think you would be better off ditching him and organising your life as a single parent in time for when your baby is born. Your DP sounds like a child himself and you won't want to be looking after a third one.

Sorry, he sounds like a selfish idiot.

complexnumber Tue 16-Oct-12 19:19:07

He does not really value your relationship and would not mind much if it ended.

Crickey, the OP sends a couple of hundred words and you understand her position entirely.

You also can mind read her DP's thoughts! I'm impressed!

Can you read my mind at the moment?

Ginda Tue 16-Oct-12 19:32:51

Seriously, complex? Can you think of any other plausible reason why a man with a baby on the way would behave in this manner?

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