Advanced search

Not to want my children to meet bil's (unborn atm) baby

(85 Posts)
D0G Tue 16-Oct-12 14:16:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nope YANBU!! What comes around goes around.

D0G Tue 16-Oct-12 14:18:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonBreeland Tue 16-Oct-12 14:18:54

You clearly have no relationship with him and never see him as it is, so I see no reason to start now. It sounds like an awful situation, but not one of your making.

ChickenFillet Tue 16-Oct-12 14:20:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

D0G Tue 16-Oct-12 14:21:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohforsucksfake Tue 16-Oct-12 14:22:17

bigamy at christmas what am I to do

D0G Tue 16-Oct-12 14:23:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PropertyNightmare Tue 16-Oct-12 14:24:17

Yanbu. Not worth your effort.

D0G Tue 16-Oct-12 14:26:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SugariceAndScary Tue 16-Oct-12 14:26:59

YANBU, don't break a sweat over it. They sound like awful people, your poor dh!

lottiegarbanzo Tue 16-Oct-12 14:27:34

Um, I'm not a fan of stooping to others' level and it doesn't feel good in the end. I'd send a card, be polite but distant, so not rush to visit. If they never invite you, or make a move to visit you, your children won't have a relationship.

Siblings don't have to be friends as adults. Some people are close to cousins, others aren't. The child could turn out to be lovely of course but it doesn't sound as though you're ever going to be in a position to enable the cousins to be friends.

KenLeeeeeee Tue 16-Oct-12 14:27:46

They sound dreadful. You have two realistic options:

1) Take the moral high ground, send a card, wish them well, etc. You will be the bigger person and, more importantly, when the child grows up he/she will have the opportunity to know Aunt, Uncle and cousins. This, after all, isn't the child's fault at all.


2) Treat the BIL exactly as he's treated you and keep your distance from the whole family. Leave them to their spiteful little games and get on with your own life.

Anonymumous Tue 16-Oct-12 14:29:55

My brother never congratulated me on the births of any of our three children, didn't send a card, didn't phone, and has never sent any of them birthday cards or presents. He is a git. He has met my eight year old a handful of times, my four year old once and has never seen my baby at all. I, on the other hand, always send his daughter cards and presents on birthdays and at Christmas, and have often arranged for my parents to bring her over to play with her cousins when they are babysitting her. I don't see why the children should miss out on knowing each other, just because one of them is unlucky enough to have an idiot for a father.

I'm with your DH - it would be stooping to their level.

Bongaloo Tue 16-Oct-12 14:30:13

If your DH is saying that you're silly, then maybe he wants to meet his new neice / nephew.
And maybe by the BIL having DC himself now he and your DH will have more common ground.

ohforsucksfake Tue 16-Oct-12 14:30:22

Sorry link was meant for other thread confused

EldritchCleavage Tue 16-Oct-12 14:36:43

Not quite as simple as taking the moral high ground, if you ask me. The situation with your PIL means that in all likelihood the massive inequality is only going to continue.

BIL's child will probably be the golden grandchild, adored, photos everywhere, lavish family parties for him/her etc. etc., while your children continue to be overlooked. What if your PIL completely exclude your children because now their favoured child has given them a GC? That's going to be bad for your children and very very hard for you to stomach, so I think you do have to think very carefully about whether you want to keep a safe distance.

It depends to a degree on whether you think that things might improve once BIL has a child. My own view is that's probably unlikely from what you've said, and I would not let these people in effectively to discriminate against my children. DH can make the right noises, doesn't mean you and the DC have to be involved.

Nagoo Tue 16-Oct-12 14:38:57

I think you should rise above it.

It is not the baby's fault.

Let your DH lead it. You don't need to do anything. You don't have to like them, you don't have to talk to them, but I don't think you should stand in the way of your DH trying to build a relationship with them. If anything might change their attitude then having children will be it.

D0G Tue 16-Oct-12 14:39:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

D0G Tue 16-Oct-12 14:41:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

picnicbasketcase Tue 16-Oct-12 14:41:48

If your DH wants to meet the baby and stay on the 'right' side of them, fair enough. Absolutely don't blame you for wanting you and your DC to stay away though. I would most likely do the same thing.

D0G Tue 16-Oct-12 14:42:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

D0G Tue 16-Oct-12 14:43:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EldritchCleavage Tue 16-Oct-12 14:44:30

My DH is the family scapegoat and SIL is the golden child. FIL isn't bothered with our children, but the merest hint of SIL thinking of fostering (she hasn't got her own children) and FIL could not stop going on about it. He was clearly so excited at the prospect of SIL parenting children, in a way he never has been with DH. DH is very upset his father does not bother with our children, and if we were expected (as we would be) to join him in effectively putting SIL's foster children above our own, it would be unbearable.

D0G Tue 16-Oct-12 14:44:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now