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My friend's ds has autism, she would like my ds to spend more time with him.

(510 Posts)
BatwingGirl Tue 16-Oct-12 11:44:29

I find this very unfair on ds (6) as he has made other friends at his school who want to come round and play. Both boys have pretty much grown up together, seeing eachother since they were babies. They go to different schools but as her ds has become older, it's become more challenging to have a decent playdate without tantrums every 2 minutes. I've tried to see my friend more while the boys are at school, but she tries very hard to time it for after school so that the boys can be together. I didn't want to say it to her and have said I'm busy after school, weekends I've stopped going out with her and the two boys as there will always be a scene in town. She ends up leaving him with me, walking off in a temper herself. It's very stressful.

For the last few weeks she has been coming round with some excuse (to see the kitten, to see the new rug, they made biscuits) and I can't exactly say no. She asks my ds to play with her ds (7) in his room. I don't like them being out of my sight as I know her ds can get very aggressive if he doesn't get his own way. My ds who does not know about his condition ends up very frustrated and scared. I'd like to keep my friend but not force my son to have to be his friend if he doesn't want to. I know if I say it to her she will really take offense. She feels like she has no one else and other mums from the school have dumped her since his diagnoses.
I just want an easier life. When Ds's other friends are round, they are like angels compared to my friend's ds.

Pourquoimoi Mon 22-Oct-12 17:06:29

Sorry, what does nt stand for? I gather it is children or schools that are 'mainstream' but don't know the meaning. Thanks

pigletmania Mon 22-Oct-12 17:10:55

Neuro typical

AmberLeaf Mon 22-Oct-12 17:19:59

Id rather be around people who are openly foul that I can then avoid, than be around those that pretend to be 'nice' but hate me inside!

Less well educated people are not automatically racist/homophobic/disabalist.

socharlotte Mon 22-Oct-12 17:41:29

How do you select a school where parents are 'well-educated'?
You can choose a school with a more affluent intake that's for sure, but if you think this demographic is going to have a more inclusive outlook, then IME you couldn't be more wrong.

saintlyjimjams Mon 22-Oct-12 18:17:28

I have to say I know some well educated parents behaving pretty appallingly wrt to SN atm.

perceptionreality Mon 22-Oct-12 19:03:53

It has to do with emotional intelligence rather than being generally well educated imo.

Actually, this thread has dredged up some unpleasant memories about my well educated, but evidently not-very-nice family. Several years ago at a family function there was a boy of about 16 who had AS - I had never met him before. He seemed lovely. My cousin kept saying to him 'I don't want you in my garage / in this room / in that room', evidently based only on the fact that he obviously wasn't NT - it was not nice to witness.

He seemed to take a shine to me and kept coming and sitting next to me, which I didn't mind at all, but his mum looked terrified of my reaction and I thought this was sad and showed that people had responded unpleasantly to him before. sad

Ironically, my aforementioned cousin now has a child with ASD himself...

KarlosKKrinkelbeim Mon 22-Oct-12 19:22:40

I realise it's heresy to suggest that well-educated people of above-average means can be anything other than the purest scum, but the facs remains that where I have encountered, for example, blatant racism, homophobia, sexism or explicit unpleasantness about disability, it has not gone hand in hand with a university education.
This is not the same thing as saying everyone who has such an education obeys the social rules I refer to above, but generally, they do. And this makes life pleasanter in some very important ways.

AmberLeaf Mon 22-Oct-12 19:37:09

No one said anything like that Karlos.

You are sounding rather prejudice yourself actually.

zzzzz Mon 22-Oct-12 20:23:58

In my experience, the same unpleasantness runs through society at every income and educational level. How it manifests is slightly different.

Sometimes I find overt prejudice easier to deal with, sometimes not.

saintlyjimjams Mon 22-Oct-12 20:30:53

I'm not prejudiced against people who are well educated (Oxbridge, and more than one postgrad qualification myself) but I have to agree with zzzzzz really.

OK the well educated people I know aren't chucking bricks at disabled kids (I do know a child that happened to angry ), but they can be pretty poisonous and non-inclusive when they want to be. The last person to tell ds1 to fuck off was driving a very smart car, and looked as if he was a supposed pillar of society.

IME attitudes towards disability are rather separate than class and education. I've found that the people who have a good attitude towards people with learning disabilities at least, tend to be pretty laid back, flexible sorts. I haven't really noticed a class or education division.

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