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to want to shake some sense into a clueless 38 week pregnant friend?

(12 Posts)
Amyo83 Tue 16-Oct-12 11:30:35

Bear with me, this has quite a bit of a background story but please read all because I could really do with some advice...

Just over a week ago the boyfriend gets a text from a heavily pregnant friend (HPF)? in Hong Kong asking if he still has a spare room as HPF needs to come over to the UK to have the baby in order for the baby to qualify for a UK passport.

HPF manages to find an airline to fly her over at 37 weeks and she arrives with the plan to go into a clinic, have the baby, register the birth, get a passport for DC and fly back 2 weeks later. Later finds out that she can't fly until at least DC is 4 weeks old.

HPF arrives and it transpires that despite having 37 weeks to get things organised, she has nothing really for DC, here in the UK or in HK and is completely clueless in all aspects of childbirth, aftercare and looking after a newborn.

HPF's mother is due to arrive on the 30th (HPF's due date is the 2nd Nov) however she plans on only staying a week and her DH plans to fly over as soon as she starts having contractions. They all plan to fit into boyfriend's tiny boy flat, rendering him homeless and having to take shelter at mine.

We want to help HPF, she desperately needs it. HPF seems to think she can do everything herself, doesn't want to buy too much as she'll have to ship it back to HK and doesn't want to inconvenience anyone. However its very difficult to accept this when she claimed she didn't know what a cot was and believes she can just carry the baby everywhere. And don't get me started on her never hearing of PND and the concern of her being on her own without any preparation in an alien part of London with no-one around her.

Boyfriend and I have tried talking to HPF. We've spoken to friends with babies for their advice but HPF wont listen (we don't have children but like to think we have some common sense). So I'm after some help, stories, what to expect - the good and the bad. Advice to be directed to her (and a little bit to us as no doubt we will be involved in actually helping her once DC is here. We get the feeling that DH is just as clueless.)

So after your initial WTF reaction, which no doubt you will have reading this (everyone else has) please shower us with your knowledge and experience of newborn life for us to print this thread off and subtly leave it stuck to the fridge for HPF to hopefully read. Of course HPF has not read one book on any related subject.

BigBroomstickBIWI Tue 16-Oct-12 11:33:46

I would leave her alone and let her get on with it her own way. She will soon learn!

And it doesn't matter what you try and tell her because a) she won't believe you b) she won't be able to comprehend what it's like until after the baby arrives c) she may very well want to do things differently from how you did/do it

Buy her a good book about pregnancy/the early days and leave it at that.

But otherwise - butt out! It's not about you.

valiumredhead Tue 16-Oct-12 11:35:51

I wasn't born in the UK but still have a British passport confused papers were just signed.... or something...

Tbh I'd let her get on with it and let her do what she wants to do and help just when she asks for it. It's easy to make other people's problems your own - back away and leave her to it.

valiumredhead Tue 16-Oct-12 11:36:12

X posted with big

BigBroomstickBIWI Tue 16-Oct-12 11:39:22

I'll also ask you on this thread, why you have posted this twice?

eastendfareast Tue 16-Oct-12 11:40:03

She's nuts but will need to find that out for herself. I live in HK and if you are British and have a baby here, baby will still get uk passport. She doesn't need to come to UK to get her dc a passport. Tell her to stay put!

Why would I have a WTF reaction...can't really see A. what the big deal is and B. what the jeff it has to do with you

Why do you seem intent on assessing her knowledge? So what if she's never heard of the acronym pnd? It's not an exam!

BigBroomstickBIWI Tue 16-Oct-12 11:42:23

... and having posted twice, you haven't come back to either thread hmm

5alive4life Tue 16-Oct-12 11:46:18

Is HPF british or is HPF partner british? Babies born in the UK are not given citizenship by birth,one of the parents must be british. Also she is having a baby on the NHS funded by the taxpayer when she does not even live here! Im not sure why HPF came over to the UK in the first place...

soverylucky Tue 16-Oct-12 11:47:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Amyo83 Tue 16-Oct-12 12:02:35

Apologies, new to this Mumsnet thing didn't realise I had therefore posted twice.

Have replied to the other thread.

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